2020- a healing pandemic.

It's been a crazy year. Not just for me, for everyone. It would be me to suffer an entire health crisis during a global pandemic. I was forced to stay home and figure it out for 9 months of 2020. It took me a while to stop stressing so hard about the whole situation and just... utilise this blessing of "free time". When that finally happened, I was able to begin observing the patterns of my symptoms, the causes and effects and even a glimpse on how to mitigate them a little. 

It's been a couple years since I hit this blog. The downward spiral I was alluding to fully took over. I called myself out a long time ago, yet prolonged finding the help I really needed until it became the kind of help that's impossible to find because the world's collective suffering is affecting the whole program. 

I managed not to stray too far from the path though. Reading back I can see that despite the shitshow these past two years have been, I managed to somehow maintain the small bits of progress I'd made. I got stuck. Again. And just as predicted, the older I get, the more challenging it is to find the motivation and energy to stay focused and do the work. 

I'm down 23ish pounds from my highest weight. My current average weight is 196.5lbs, and my goal is still that same ol' 165. I have been ever so very slowly chipping away at these pounds. As agonizing as it's felt, it's still miles better than gaining half a pound a month. That's my inevitable reality if I don't focus on supporting my health. As I mentioned a few times in this blog, my weight is always an accurate reflection of the state of my internal (mental and physical) health. If I'm heavy, there's something wrong. If I'm obese, I'm probably in danger. 

The journey continues.. this time I'm hitting record. I decided to start a YouTube channel to keep myself accountable, and hopefully record progress. I'm not sure what else I hope to achieve besides that, but if I'm successful then my journey could potentially motivate someone else to take their health into their own hands. 

If you're reading this, thank you. Thanks for sticking by me through this journey and cheering me on. Thanks for having faith in me when I wasn't sure of myself. And thanks for hitting that subscribe button! I hope I do us both proud. 

Plateau Woes

I'm stuck!

After almost two years of steady gaining weight, I managed to turn the trend around and start losing. I maxed out at 223 lbs, and I've lost thirteen so far bringing me down to 210. A month ago.. and this is where I've been stuck ever since.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that I was able to break the gaining trend. I'm ecstatic that I started to lose pounds, I can even feel that my jeans are a little looser, and that's always nice. But I've hit my first plateau a lot sooner than I did the first time around, and I've been stuck here a lot longer. It's frustrating.

I know that a big part of my 'problem' is stress. Emotional stress is a big one, especially when it comes to my current financial situation. For the past year I've been a subcontractor which is always 'iffy' when it comes to timing of pay, and the year before that I wasn't in the best situation living wise. It's not easy to maintain your health when you're working two jobs and sleeping outside. These two things compiled into being stuck in a state of almost constant stress, and holding weight is the number one physical and metabolic reaction my body has to stress.

The housing issue thankfully was solved when we found this house. Our financial situation though has yet to improve, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. All year I gave my 'boss' the benefit of the doubt that things would change and our pays would be more consistent, so that I could afford my vegan supplements and the more costly higher quality nutrient dense foods and beverages that my body needs. Things seemed to improve a bit last summer, and then went for a complete nosedive in the fall.

I had to fire my boss, and there's bound to be a pay gap in my already broke situation, but I feel the weight lifting off my shoulders already just knowing that there's an end in sight. Hopefully this will be the stress relief I need to get myself back on track mentally, and I'll finally get paid like a real person so that I can afford my nutritional needs.

*sigh*

The third stress is a seasonal one. I always tend to gain a little over the winter, and it's definitely the hardest time of year to get any weight off which is why I'm glad I managed to get anywhere at all. This winter has decided it's not quite ready to be over yet, and the cold and rain and hail is a little discouraging when it comes to getting anything done outside. We've had a few nice days here and there, but between freezing my arse off at work all day and the cold wind, I haven't been going for many walks.

Nutrition wise, I was doing alright until I ran straight out of money. I decided to try intermittent juice fasting which was working very well for me. One might think that something involving 'fasting' would be cheaper overall, but given that it's winter and we have nothing freshly growing at the moment, this is not the case. I was spending roughly 15-20 bucks per day on absolutely everything that I was consuming if you factor in the produce and supplements in my morning smoothie, my fresh plant based lunch, and my juice for dinner. Now that's actually pretty cheap given how nutrient dense all of my meals were [WAY cheaper than buying lunch/morning coffee etc], but when you have no money coming in, it's just not feasible.Garden season can't come soon enough.

This is where I'm at, and though I'm a little stuck, I'm not giving up. I just need an extra minute and a chance to power through. Thanks for reading, and your ongoing support! My mission to gain my health back this year will be fulfilled.

have a happy healthy day, stay blessed!

The [gravity] struggle

It's difficult sometimes to explain to someone who has never had weight challenges, what it feels like to be overweight. My loving, amazing partner comes from a family of eaters, most of which are also overweight. He tells me all the time that my weight doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts. But what he forgets is how all that weight makes me feel on the inside.

...

Stress and depression are the two main factors in weight gain for me. If I land myself in a very stressful situation, my body retains fat. It's a defense mechanism of being in 'survival mode'. When I suddenly became homeless 2 and a half years ago [again] it was unexpected, and it put a lot of stress on my mind and body. I slowly started to retain the weight.

I remained in survival mode for so long it became difficult to switch it off. I kept gaining the weight even after finding a home, which stressed me out even more. I'd eat to numb the stress, which made me gain more weight. And the vicious cycle throws me into a landslide.

...

So back to my point. In the past two and a half years, I've gained 60 pounds. This put me well over 200 pounds, which some people find hard to believe.

I went ladder shopping for work, and a fella tried to sell me a cheaper ladder that was on sale for a third of the price of the one I was looking at, but I nearly exceeded the weight limit. When I pointed to the sticker and said I needed a stronger ladder, he looked me up and down and said, "is the ladder for yourself?" ... yes. Yes and I nearly exceed the limit on this ladder.

He told me if that's so, I certainly carry it well. I'm told that all the time when people hear what I weigh. Including my doctor. The fact that I don't look like I weigh over 200, or that I "carry it well" doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm still carrying it!

Imagine walking into a grocery store, and you don't get a shopping cart. The first thing you go for is a 10lb bag of potatoes. Now you walk around with that bag for quite some time, and go back and slowly pick up 5 more. You can never put them down.

Those 6 ten pound bags of potatoes are now putting extra pressure on your feet.. on your ankles and knees. One of those bags lives on your chest, making it hard to breathe when you're trying to sleep. They're getting in the way of performing everyday activities. Carrying all that extra weight causes a lot of pain and discomfort over time, and does damage of it's own.

When I explained this to my wonderful, supportive, rail thin partner, he finally got what I was talking about. Now he really understands why I'm being so adamant about dropping the weight, why my feet always hurt and I'm exhausted after work. And ultimately why being so overweight makes me depressed and uncomfortable.

I'm so thankful that he's on board 100% with helping me lose the weight. For the first year that we've lived here and worked the same schedule, we would come home and he'd do any general maintenance on the yard or house our vehicle while I prepared dinner. But it was always a dinner "for him" that I would end up eating too.

The past week or so I have been juicing for dinner, and it takes time and prep and cleanup, and he's had no issues cooking the "real meals" while I make my batch of juice. He knows that I love cooking for him, but until I master my new healthy routine, he might have to do the cooking for a while. And he's quite alright with that.

He can see that it's paying off. In the past 3 weeks of eating cleaner and adding the juice, I've almost put down one full bag of those potatoes. I feel a little better already. My knees are thanking me (and it's a little easier to do up my pants!).

This is just the beginning. I have 5.2 bags of potatoes left to get rid of, and I'm getting there. Thanks again for reading, and for your love and support. And remember, if you're on a similar journey and you need a little motivation, I'm here for you too!


xo

I dreamt of tacos..

 For real. I had a hard time sleeping the other night, but in the hour or so I was asleep, I dreamt of making tacos. Meatless tacos with gluten free soft tortillas. It was such a vivid dream, step by step of these tacos in the making.

First I took a bunch of mushrooms and diced them into little cubes. I tossed them in a bowl with olive oil and a taco blend of spices, Himalayan salt, and a pinch of pepper.

I preheated my fry pan to an almost medium heat [4 on my stove dial] and fried my mushroom cubes til browned. In the meantime, I beat a large double-yolk farm egg, which I drizzled over the browned mushrooms and continued to fry until cooked.

In my nutribullet I made 'flour' from organic quick oats [2/3 cup-ish], and mixed in a bowl with almond milk until it became the consistency of porridge. I beat a double yolk farm egg and mixed thoroughly with the oat and almond milk blend.

Once the mushroom 'meat' was cooked, I transferred it back to the bowl. I used the same pan at the same temperature and added a little olive oil. I then used a ladle to scoop the oat mix onto the centre of the hot pan, and a spatula to spread the mix onto a thin circle.

After a few minutes it was browned perfectly, using the same method of determining doneness as making pancakes. The oat mix takes a little longer to cook through than wheat flour. They turned out light, a little fluffy, and perfect for rolling full of goodness. The eggs could be replaced with a vegan option of preferred, but I don't mind my farm fresh gems.

I spooned the mushroom mix, a little salsa, shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, and cubed avocado tossed with lemon juice and a pinch of garlic powder. The avocado brings the creaminess you'd get from sour cream with a zip of lemon [which prevents the oxidation of the avocado]. Cheese was an optional item as it happened to be in the fridge, but I forgot to add it, and didn't even notice. The tacos were every bit as delicious as they were in my dreams.

Well, there you have it... my dream taco 'recipe'. My goal is to eat healthy so I can be healthy, and find whole  foods options that don't sacrifice on flavour. Because I LOVE FOOD! and I want to feel good too. Cheers!

5 pounds down..

53 to go. And when your monthly trend has been an increase of 4 or 5 pounds, losing five is an amazing feeling. My current weight is 218, down from 223, with a goal of 165. It's a reasonable goal that would put me at a size 8 pant, and is my optimal weight for performance and strength.

So, what have I done differently? First, no sugar. I've cut out pretty much all processed foods besides the occasional gluten free bread toasted veggie sandwich, and my vegan protein powder that gets mixed into my morning smoothies.

I've also been doing my best to drink more water. I've cut out fruit juices, I never drink soda, and if I want something warm I'll opt for a rooibos or green and peppermint tea sweetened with local non pasteurized honey. In order to make water easier to drink (and more hydrating), I add a shot of organic lemon juice, and a splash of coconut water. Bam, naturally flavored water!

For me, diet is the number one factor when it comes to losing weight. My system simply can not deal with processed, artificial food-like substances. Even though I am well aware of this, I had slipped back into the trap. I was eating whatever I could get for cheap that would keep well, not considering the damage it would cause.

 When I'm craving sweets, I reach for a fruit. I keep apples and bananas on hand for when my body screams for sugar. The trick to this and not going for unhealthy junk food is simple- don't buy the junk. Don't even have it in the house. Living half an hour from the nearest grocery store helps me with this.. and of course, making my partner well aware of my healthy intentions.

Otherwise, I haven't really been doing much different. My next big step is to get more exercise in my day. I've been exhausted lately now that I'm finally back to work, and when I come home aching, it's hard to find the motivation. I'm trying to train myself to wake up earlier so I cam include a half hour routine before work.

Well, that's where I'm at. I have re-proven to myself that something as simple as eating a more natural diet and avoiding sugar makes a big difference on it's own. This week I will start waking up 45 minutes earlier to make an attempt at a morning workout routine. Happy Sunday!

28 days later...

So. Four weeks in to 2018. Call me traditional, but I've always had the best luck with New Year's resolutions. Perhaps it's just the idea of setting such a symbolic deadline, either way, I use the conscious cue to my advantage. I want this year to be measurably better for me health wise than last year, and so far I'm on the right track.

First, I'm done with nicotine. I'm finally off the hook. I don't even feel the need to vape anymore, I'm well over it. I couldn't be more proud of myself for doing it, and thankful that I'm finally free of that trap. It's hard to heal a body that is constantly being assaulted by toxins, so this was a critical first step. I worked on this diligently last year. That whole 2 months of no work and being broke admittedly helped a lot. See? I knew the lull in finances had it's purpose!

Next unhealthy habit to go, was eating things that I am aware cause pain and damage and weight gain when I eat them. It's a lot of things. To summarize, my genes were not at all prepared for all these modern day processed foods and refined substances and isolated nutrients. Everyone in my maternal bloodline has had an uncomfortable and deadly struggle with these in our past few generations. Kicking processed "foods" out of my diet is essential for healing. I'm well on my way with this too.

My morning smoothie game is strong. I make sure they're packed full of plant based superfoods, and free of refined sugars or artificial anythings. They're filling, nutrient dense, and give me the energy I need to get my day going. I follow that with a warm peppermint or rooibos tea with local honey. Much better than my "orange pekoe double double and a berry muffin" from Timmies on the way to work.

Lunches can be a challenge, but I'm including as much plant based whole foods as I can, and pass on the bread. I kept eating breads until I built up a 'tolerance'... and that tolerance came with several pounds of body fat. I've learned that's how my body reacts to things it doesn't like. It retains fat and creates extra mucous to attempt to 'buffer' the effects of whatever-it-is I shouldn't be eating. Makes sense, really. And since lunch is typically my main actual "meal" of the day, I'm doing much better at making it a healthy one.

Dinner was the worst. After a long day of work the last thing I'd want to do was make two separate meals at the same time in one kitchen. My partner is a carnivore which I don't have a problem with [unless I end up sharing the meal which always ends in a stomach ache]. He likes his heavy starchy gluteny filling supper, but for me I must avoid eating heavy so late in the day. Another benefit of having time off was having the time to come up with some evening snack ideas that don't hurt me- but we can still sit down together to enjoy a bite.

Food is life. What you put in you is what you get out of it. I know this, I've done my research and I've seen my results [which I kept track of in the history of this blog]. But I had let the stresses that were in my life rule me. I stopped caring. I ate whatever I could afford or get my hands on even knowing it'd do damage to my body, but at the time would rather maintain on cheap 'food' than suffer starvation. When you spend an extended amount of time stuck in "survival mode" it can be the biggest challenge to get out of it. And many of us are stuck in that mode without even realizing. Well, I'm done with just merely surviving. It's time to Thrive. For good this time.

My third- and possibly greatest challenge to overcome this year is staying in motion. It just hit me a couple weeks ago. One of the biggest factors I have still currently working against me is something that I also rely on- my mode of transportation. 2017 was my first entire year behind the wheel in my whole life. When I lived in the city I did a LOT of walking. I had to, I didn't drive. Now that I live in the country and work a job that requires a lot of tools, driving is essential.

Not only that, but the shift in my career path definitely affected my daily step count. I went from commercial landscaping [practically jogging whilst pushing a mower for 6+ hours of my day], to working with sharp sheet metal [which you don't want to move quickly with], and standing on a ladder for more than half of my day. Running the machines took it's toll on my wrists and elbow, which was one of many reasons I had to make the switch. Gardening, however, is a good workout [and yoga session!] for me, which I get to do at home.

Between those two major changes, I walk maybe a quarter of the distance daily that I did most days in the past. I went from my Fitbit telling me I've taken 35-40,000 steps a day without noticing, to struggling to find the time to get in ten thousand steps. Of course I stopped using my Fitbit one day, and kind of forgot about it for a year or two. I had no place to plug it in for quite some time, and had more things on my mind than how many steps I got in a day.

All the weight I gained from all the things I did [and didn't] led up to "the moment". I had a funeral to go to early in the month [for someone who died of a heart attack at 39], and I realized I no longer [by FAR] fit into my "fancy pants". And that realization led to my next dilemma.. if my fancy pants don't fit, then neither do my waders.

The last time I wore my waders was a few months ago, around the time I twisted my ankle. I hadn't worn them since because my swollen ankle wouldn't fit into my wading boots, and now my arse doesn't fit where it needs to go either. No waders means no river hiking... which is a million more points against me. *sigh*. This weight has got to go.

I'm in it for the long haul here. When I lost an abundance of weight a few years ago, I did so pretty quickly. I lost [on average] two pounds a week for almost a year. Needless to say, it didn't work out for me in the end. I'm right back where I was. This time, so far, I've lost roughly a half a pound a week. It's grueling at times waiting for my pants to fit, but I feel better about the slower transition into a healthier diet. Now all I need in my strength.



Well, that's my rant for the day, and this is where I'm at. Thank you for reading, your encouragement and for helping me stay accountable. And if you're facing the struggle to find your own health, don't forget I'm here for you too.

xo

2018- making it my year

When I started this blog 5 years ago, I was sick, tired and overweight. It took a year to figure out what my body needs to not only survive but thrive, and then another year to make it happen. I worked out a diet and exercise plan, and by the end of 2014 I had lost 70 pounds. After being in BC for a year I fell upon some hard times, and into a deep depression. I managed my way out of it eventually, but had slowly startd to regain the weight.

In 2016, I was on my own and homeless. When a close friend passed away in June, I flew home and almost stayed, but I met my now life partner when I returned to BC to pack up shop. By the time we met I had more or less given up on maintaining my health, I was more focused on staying alive and trying to find a place to live. Working full time and sleeping outside meant more fast food than I'm willing to admit, no proper sleep, and boat loads of unavoidable stress.

By the time we had found a place to live, the damage was done. We've been in our home almost a year now, and instead of focusing on my health as I had planned to, I was more focused on maintaining steady work, and grasping at anything to keep this place up and running. The huge veggie garden and remote location meant more fresh food and far less junk, but I was still overloaded with stress a majority of the time, and made no time for myself.

It's a new year, and I want to make it the best one yet. I'm still unsure of my work situation and beyond broke, but I want to make the best of what I have access to. More work will come, but in the meantime I can't let my current situation stress me to death. I swear it, stress is 90% of why I'm sick and gaining weight.

Ironically this past week we've been locked into any ice age, literally.. the two cities nearest to us have been without power, roads closed due to fallen trees and downed power lines, and we spent a couple nights heating the house by generator. Obviously juicing or smoothies or buying fresh produce was out of the question, so I had to focus on what I could do in the moment. Reduce stress, and plan ahead.

This past 5 years I have learned a lot. I'm armed with the knowledge I've accumulated, including knowing from experience that better health and weight loss is possible despite my autoimmune issues. I started 2018 off right this morning with a vegan protein smoothie, a peppermint tea and a freshly charged fitbit.

Bring it 2018... I'm ready to make a life-long commitment to my health and well being!