Plateau Woes

I'm stuck!

After almost two years of steady gaining weight, I managed to turn the trend around and start losing. I maxed out at 223 lbs, and I've lost thirteen so far bringing me down to 210. A month ago.. and this is where I've been stuck ever since.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that I was able to break the gaining trend. I'm ecstatic that I started to lose pounds, I can even feel that my jeans are a little looser, and that's always nice. But I've hit my first plateau a lot sooner than I did the first time around, and I've been stuck here a lot longer. It's frustrating.

I know that a big part of my 'problem' is stress. Emotional stress is a big one, especially when it comes to my current financial situation. For the past year I've been a subcontractor which is always 'iffy' when it comes to timing of pay, and the year before that I wasn't in the best situation living wise. It's not easy to maintain your health when you're working two jobs and sleeping outside. These two things compiled into being stuck in a state of almost constant stress, and holding weight is the number one physical and metabolic reaction my body has to stress.

The housing issue thankfully was solved when we found this house. Our financial situation though has yet to improve, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. All year I gave my 'boss' the benefit of the doubt that things would change and our pays would be more consistent, so that I could afford my vegan supplements and the more costly higher quality nutrient dense foods and beverages that my body needs. Things seemed to improve a bit last summer, and then went for a complete nosedive in the fall.

I had to fire my boss, and there's bound to be a pay gap in my already broke situation, but I feel the weight lifting off my shoulders already just knowing that there's an end in sight. Hopefully this will be the stress relief I need to get myself back on track mentally, and I'll finally get paid like a real person so that I can afford my nutritional needs.

*sigh*

The third stress is a seasonal one. I always tend to gain a little over the winter, and it's definitely the hardest time of year to get any weight off which is why I'm glad I managed to get anywhere at all. This winter has decided it's not quite ready to be over yet, and the cold and rain and hail is a little discouraging when it comes to getting anything done outside. We've had a few nice days here and there, but between freezing my arse off at work all day and the cold wind, I haven't been going for many walks.

Nutrition wise, I was doing alright until I ran straight out of money. I decided to try intermittent juice fasting which was working very well for me. One might think that something involving 'fasting' would be cheaper overall, but given that it's winter and we have nothing freshly growing at the moment, this is not the case. I was spending roughly 15-20 bucks per day on absolutely everything that I was consuming if you factor in the produce and supplements in my morning smoothie, my fresh plant based lunch, and my juice for dinner. Now that's actually pretty cheap given how nutrient dense all of my meals were [WAY cheaper than buying lunch/morning coffee etc], but when you have no money coming in, it's just not feasible.Garden season can't come soon enough.

This is where I'm at, and though I'm a little stuck, I'm not giving up. I just need an extra minute and a chance to power through. Thanks for reading, and your ongoing support! My mission to gain my health back this year will be fulfilled.

have a happy healthy day, stay blessed!

The [gravity] struggle

It's difficult sometimes to explain to someone who has never had weight challenges, what it feels like to be overweight. My loving, amazing partner comes from a family of eaters, most of which are also overweight. He tells me all the time that my weight doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts. But what he forgets is how all that weight makes me feel on the inside.

...

Stress and depression are the two main factors in weight gain for me. If I land myself in a very stressful situation, my body retains fat. It's a defense mechanism of being in 'survival mode'. When I suddenly became homeless 2 and a half years ago [again] it was unexpected, and it put a lot of stress on my mind and body. I slowly started to retain the weight.

I remained in survival mode for so long it became difficult to switch it off. I kept gaining the weight even after finding a home, which stressed me out even more. I'd eat to numb the stress, which made me gain more weight. And the vicious cycle throws me into a landslide.

...

So back to my point. In the past two and a half years, I've gained 60 pounds. This put me well over 200 pounds, which some people find hard to believe.

I went ladder shopping for work, and a fella tried to sell me a cheaper ladder that was on sale for a third of the price of the one I was looking at, but I nearly exceeded the weight limit. When I pointed to the sticker and said I needed a stronger ladder, he looked me up and down and said, "is the ladder for yourself?" ... yes. Yes and I nearly exceed the limit on this ladder.

He told me if that's so, I certainly carry it well. I'm told that all the time when people hear what I weigh. Including my doctor. The fact that I don't look like I weigh over 200, or that I "carry it well" doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm still carrying it!

Imagine walking into a grocery store, and you don't get a shopping cart. The first thing you go for is a 10lb bag of potatoes. Now you walk around with that bag for quite some time, and go back and slowly pick up 5 more. You can never put them down.

Those 6 ten pound bags of potatoes are now putting extra pressure on your feet.. on your ankles and knees. One of those bags lives on your chest, making it hard to breathe when you're trying to sleep. They're getting in the way of performing everyday activities. Carrying all that extra weight causes a lot of pain and discomfort over time, and does damage of it's own.

When I explained this to my wonderful, supportive, rail thin partner, he finally got what I was talking about. Now he really understands why I'm being so adamant about dropping the weight, why my feet always hurt and I'm exhausted after work. And ultimately why being so overweight makes me depressed and uncomfortable.

I'm so thankful that he's on board 100% with helping me lose the weight. For the first year that we've lived here and worked the same schedule, we would come home and he'd do any general maintenance on the yard or house our vehicle while I prepared dinner. But it was always a dinner "for him" that I would end up eating too.

The past week or so I have been juicing for dinner, and it takes time and prep and cleanup, and he's had no issues cooking the "real meals" while I make my batch of juice. He knows that I love cooking for him, but until I master my new healthy routine, he might have to do the cooking for a while. And he's quite alright with that.

He can see that it's paying off. In the past 3 weeks of eating cleaner and adding the juice, I've almost put down one full bag of those potatoes. I feel a little better already. My knees are thanking me (and it's a little easier to do up my pants!).

This is just the beginning. I have 5.2 bags of potatoes left to get rid of, and I'm getting there. Thanks again for reading, and for your love and support. And remember, if you're on a similar journey and you need a little motivation, I'm here for you too!


xo

5 pounds down..

53 to go. And when your monthly trend has been an increase of 4 or 5 pounds, losing five is an amazing feeling. My current weight is 218, down from 223, with a goal of 165. It's a reasonable goal that would put me at a size 8 pant, and is my optimal weight for performance and strength.

So, what have I done differently? First, no sugar. I've cut out pretty much all processed foods besides the occasional gluten free bread toasted veggie sandwich, and my vegan protein powder that gets mixed into my morning smoothies.

I've also been doing my best to drink more water. I've cut out fruit juices, I never drink soda, and if I want something warm I'll opt for a rooibos or green and peppermint tea sweetened with local non pasteurized honey. In order to make water easier to drink (and more hydrating), I add a shot of organic lemon juice, and a splash of coconut water. Bam, naturally flavored water!

For me, diet is the number one factor when it comes to losing weight. My system simply can not deal with processed, artificial food-like substances. Even though I am well aware of this, I had slipped back into the trap. I was eating whatever I could get for cheap that would keep well, not considering the damage it would cause.

 When I'm craving sweets, I reach for a fruit. I keep apples and bananas on hand for when my body screams for sugar. The trick to this and not going for unhealthy junk food is simple- don't buy the junk. Don't even have it in the house. Living half an hour from the nearest grocery store helps me with this.. and of course, making my partner well aware of my healthy intentions.

Otherwise, I haven't really been doing much different. My next big step is to get more exercise in my day. I've been exhausted lately now that I'm finally back to work, and when I come home aching, it's hard to find the motivation. I'm trying to train myself to wake up earlier so I cam include a half hour routine before work.

Well, that's where I'm at. I have re-proven to myself that something as simple as eating a more natural diet and avoiding sugar makes a big difference on it's own. This week I will start waking up 45 minutes earlier to make an attempt at a morning workout routine. Happy Sunday!

28 days later...

So. Four weeks in to 2018. Call me traditional, but I've always had the best luck with New Year's resolutions. Perhaps it's just the idea of setting such a symbolic deadline, either way, I use the conscious cue to my advantage. I want this year to be measurably better for me health wise than last year, and so far I'm on the right track.

First, I'm done with nicotine. I'm finally off the hook. I don't even feel the need to vape anymore, I'm well over it. I couldn't be more proud of myself for doing it, and thankful that I'm finally free of that trap. It's hard to heal a body that is constantly being assaulted by toxins, so this was a critical first step. I worked on this diligently last year. That whole 2 months of no work and being broke admittedly helped a lot. See? I knew the lull in finances had it's purpose!

Next unhealthy habit to go, was eating things that I am aware cause pain and damage and weight gain when I eat them. It's a lot of things. To summarize, my genes were not at all prepared for all these modern day processed foods and refined substances and isolated nutrients. Everyone in my maternal bloodline has had an uncomfortable and deadly struggle with these in our past few generations. Kicking processed "foods" out of my diet is essential for healing. I'm well on my way with this too.

My morning smoothie game is strong. I make sure they're packed full of plant based superfoods, and free of refined sugars or artificial anythings. They're filling, nutrient dense, and give me the energy I need to get my day going. I follow that with a warm peppermint or rooibos tea with local honey. Much better than my "orange pekoe double double and a berry muffin" from Timmies on the way to work.

Lunches can be a challenge, but I'm including as much plant based whole foods as I can, and pass on the bread. I kept eating breads until I built up a 'tolerance'... and that tolerance came with several pounds of body fat. I've learned that's how my body reacts to things it doesn't like. It retains fat and creates extra mucous to attempt to 'buffer' the effects of whatever-it-is I shouldn't be eating. Makes sense, really. And since lunch is typically my main actual "meal" of the day, I'm doing much better at making it a healthy one.

Dinner was the worst. After a long day of work the last thing I'd want to do was make two separate meals at the same time in one kitchen. My partner is a carnivore which I don't have a problem with [unless I end up sharing the meal which always ends in a stomach ache]. He likes his heavy starchy gluteny filling supper, but for me I must avoid eating heavy so late in the day. Another benefit of having time off was having the time to come up with some evening snack ideas that don't hurt me- but we can still sit down together to enjoy a bite.

Food is life. What you put in you is what you get out of it. I know this, I've done my research and I've seen my results [which I kept track of in the history of this blog]. But I had let the stresses that were in my life rule me. I stopped caring. I ate whatever I could afford or get my hands on even knowing it'd do damage to my body, but at the time would rather maintain on cheap 'food' than suffer starvation. When you spend an extended amount of time stuck in "survival mode" it can be the biggest challenge to get out of it. And many of us are stuck in that mode without even realizing. Well, I'm done with just merely surviving. It's time to Thrive. For good this time.

My third- and possibly greatest challenge to overcome this year is staying in motion. It just hit me a couple weeks ago. One of the biggest factors I have still currently working against me is something that I also rely on- my mode of transportation. 2017 was my first entire year behind the wheel in my whole life. When I lived in the city I did a LOT of walking. I had to, I didn't drive. Now that I live in the country and work a job that requires a lot of tools, driving is essential.

Not only that, but the shift in my career path definitely affected my daily step count. I went from commercial landscaping [practically jogging whilst pushing a mower for 6+ hours of my day], to working with sharp sheet metal [which you don't want to move quickly with], and standing on a ladder for more than half of my day. Running the machines took it's toll on my wrists and elbow, which was one of many reasons I had to make the switch. Gardening, however, is a good workout [and yoga session!] for me, which I get to do at home.

Between those two major changes, I walk maybe a quarter of the distance daily that I did most days in the past. I went from my Fitbit telling me I've taken 35-40,000 steps a day without noticing, to struggling to find the time to get in ten thousand steps. Of course I stopped using my Fitbit one day, and kind of forgot about it for a year or two. I had no place to plug it in for quite some time, and had more things on my mind than how many steps I got in a day.

All the weight I gained from all the things I did [and didn't] led up to "the moment". I had a funeral to go to early in the month [for someone who died of a heart attack at 39], and I realized I no longer [by FAR] fit into my "fancy pants". And that realization led to my next dilemma.. if my fancy pants don't fit, then neither do my waders.

The last time I wore my waders was a few months ago, around the time I twisted my ankle. I hadn't worn them since because my swollen ankle wouldn't fit into my wading boots, and now my arse doesn't fit where it needs to go either. No waders means no river hiking... which is a million more points against me. *sigh*. This weight has got to go.

I'm in it for the long haul here. When I lost an abundance of weight a few years ago, I did so pretty quickly. I lost [on average] two pounds a week for almost a year. Needless to say, it didn't work out for me in the end. I'm right back where I was. This time, so far, I've lost roughly a half a pound a week. It's grueling at times waiting for my pants to fit, but I feel better about the slower transition into a healthier diet. Now all I need in my strength.



Well, that's my rant for the day, and this is where I'm at. Thank you for reading, your encouragement and for helping me stay accountable. And if you're facing the struggle to find your own health, don't forget I'm here for you too.

xo

10k30 challenge: week 1

Starting a new routine can be a challenge. In my case I'm attempting to get back to my old healthy habits that I know work, and the most effective way I find to do so, is to publicly challenge myself. It's accountability, and motivation. I tell everyone I can what I'm doing, so if they catch me slipping they can call me out, and cheer me on when I nail it. My partner thankfully does exactly that, as do many of my friends and family back home. So anyways, that's why I let everyone know about it. The reason for the challenge though, is repeating these actions daily for any decent length of time helps me to incorporate them into my everyday life- long term. If I've managed to take my ten thousand steps every day for thirty days in a row, then I know surely this can be an everyday thing. I do the same thing with my diet, if I'm doing a juice fast, I let everyone know I'm doing it [and why].

My utter lack of fitness really hit me when my partner had his kids come to visit. The kids wanted to bike down the road while we followed on foot. I realized how winded I was and we hadn't even made it to the end of the road.. it was almost a breakdown moment considering I used to hike miles of rugged terrain carrying a pack from 30 to 60 pounds depending on the season for days or weeks on end. Right now, I don't think I could even hike the smallest one of these hills out here without collapsing in pain and exhaustion.

When I first moved out west I'd lucked out on having a place to crash in East Van. No matter where you walk in that city, you're on a hill and in a matter of time, you get used to it. I did a lot of walking in Vancouver, and thankfully I was still carrying my fitbit at the time to reflect that. 25-40 thousand steps a day wasn't uncommon, and without even thinking about it. Even after my roof collapsed and I lived in a pickup truck for half a year [and on a couch for the other half ] I still managed to get enough exercise whether I was collecting firewood or working in the city. Now that I have a home again and in the country this time, driving to get places.. my step count had dropped drastically. But I didn't notice without my step counter, eventually the scale tipped me off.

...

Day 1: it was effing cold. Winter winds were whipping through the valley, but I strapped on my shoes and got out there. My face was a little frozen but I loved it, it felt good to be out there moving. It's pretty easy to get cooped up inside in colder months and stagnate, especially outside the city. I had found my fitbit in my basket of stuff that I haven't touched for a couple of years. I had been wearing it for a week before I started this challenge to observe what my patterns are like now... I was horrified to see that my average for that week was maybe 6 thousand steps a day, my lowest being just over three thousand. No wonder I was winded trying to walk briskly to the end of my road.

Day 3: I was really lucky that I had started on a long weekend because I could get into a step routine during daylight hours before having to get out there in the dark. This time of year there's only 8 good hours of daylight which can be demotivating at times. By day 3 I was out of bed and ready to get stepping before the sun. I felt excited to get out there and make it down to the creek [at the end of the road] so that I could adventure around in the woods before my walk back. I had been brisk walking that way every day, and also 'slow running' to the other end [a shorter distance] and back daily to make my quota.

Day 5: by the fifth day, I'm starting to get tired. I'm back to work and making time to get the rest of my steps in after, and keeping house and making it happen... but I'm tired. No above and beyond, but I did complete my goal.

Day 7: still tired, but starting to get my second wind. I only have Sunday off this weekend as opposed to the long weekend I started with. I got up early this morning to get my steppin' on before doing a half day at work, and it was a beautiful morning to get outside.

...

It's now the morning of day 9, and I'm sitting here writing while I wait for the rain to slow down. I've been pulling out the scale every couple of days to check if my weight has changed, and I have seen my weight go down 2 pounds and back up one. That's far better than a steady increase, like what has been happening this past year. I have only made minimal changes to my diet in the past week, doing my best to avoid breads and pasta, margarine and cheese, and chips and sweets. I've been brewing my own tea with honey and almond milk instead of grabbing Timmies, and having a smoothie with fruits and Vega to get me going and keep me satiated all morning. I'm hoping to squeeze in a 2 day juice fast the next time I have two days off, so I'm preparing myself for that as well.

That's about all I have to say for today, I'm going to do some kitchen calisthenics while I wait out the rain. Thanks for reading! And a huge thank you for cheering me on. I will get there, one step at a time. Cheers back at ya!

Where I'm at

Starting over isn't easy.. hence why it's taken me over a year to get back up on my horse.  As a very brief recap, I became very unhealthy in my late twenties and gained a lot of weight. In 2013-2014 I managed to lose almost 70 pounds total. Over the past year, I've almost gained it all back, and I'm sick all over again. So, here I am.. starting over.

One thing I'd recommend on any health and fitness journey whether starting from scratch or looking to reach new goals, is to find a coach. I was lucky enough that a wonderful coach found me.. so now it's time to take a look at where I'm at. I decided to share this info like I'm sharing everything else to keep my own records, and to hopefully inspire others along the way.

Here we go..


Stats

Age: 32 years
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 222.7 lbs
Size: 16

Health challenges:
Autoimmune disorder, hashimoto's thyroiditis, endometriosis, IBS, insomnia.
Injuries:
Tendonitis, carpal tunnel in right arm/ hand, sciatic nerve damage.

Diet

Mostly vegetarian. No milk ever, cheese sometimes, farm fresh eggs, garden veg [we grew a literal ton this summer]. Lately have been eating a lot of pasta and breads, and rice.

Guilty pleasures; our lunch snacks the past while included chips and the most chocolate laden granola bars you can even buy. Fast food maybe every 6 weeks we cave. Cutting back on the timmies. I buy cookies when the children visit... and partake in their consumption.

Exercise 

30-45 mins of brisk walkng per day
10-15 mins calisthenics per day
Minimal stretching

I'm currently challenging myself to take a minimum of 10,000 steps a day, and half hour of active routine. I like to mix some pieces of insanity and p90x for as long as I can handle with other calisthenics workout.

Environment

I'm currently living in what some lovingly refer to as a 'tiny home'.. which in actuality is a very small farm house out in the country. I do have access to long country roads, farm fields, and a waterway. I don't have very much space for indoor workouts and such, my whole house can be walked corner to corner in about eleven paces.

That said I am hoping to reacquire the gear that I had before moving west, as it worked for me by allowing me a variety of exercises with minimal equipment and space. These simple items include a yoga mat, small weights, and Lebert Equalizer bars.

 Sleep

The word sleep mostly exists in my vocabulary with the word 'can't' in front of it, I have had issues sleeping all my life. This week has been better than most averaging 6 hours a night, but I have had several weeks that average only 3 and a half. The amount I am active doesn't always necessarily mean more sleep, my sleeping patterns are often affected by weather, pain levels, the fullness of the moon,  and various stresses and occasional anxiety.

Stress

Speaking of stresses, there's far fewer in my life now in my life right now than there was say, 2 years ago. I'm no longer sleeping in the back of a pickup truck, or a tent or someone's couch, so there's that. My current stresses involve money and debt. Who doesn't stress about those things? I do lose sleep over it at times, but I'm grateful to be safe and warm and dry.

Lately my biggest stress though, has been about my health. I've been struggling with several issues that are exacerbated by not getting all the exercise I need for over a year, and the crappy diet I was consuming for the almost 2 years before that. I've only just begun to make some changes, but I often stress about the damage done.

Habits

I'm a non-drinker, and proud to say that as of this month I'm a non-smoker too. I did smoke about a pack and a half a day, and slowly weaned myself off using a vapor device.

Since driving and working long days on ladders, my daily step count is less than a quarter of what it was living in the city, walking and commuting. Not to mention my previous job involved pushing a mower or some various other small engine machine. I have become 'lazy' using my manual labour jobs as an excuse to do so.

Objective 

To regain control of my health through proper diet and nutrition, and improve my strength through exercise and movement. In short, I want to feel better so that I can better enjoy the life that I've worked hard for.


...


That's it for now. Stay tuned for challenge updates! I'll be writing about the ups and downs of my first week literally getting back on my feet. Thanks so much for reading, and your continuing support!

Starting Over: Take Two...

*Sigh*

Like, really?

The last time I hit this blog was in April.. I had every intention to get back on track with my health, but mostly failed. I did buy a scale, which may have squashed my motivation a little seeing what it read.. and I have been using my Nutribullet almost daily for breakfast. Besides that and [finally!] quitting smoking, that's about as far as I got. On the plus side, I haven't gained much more weight. Watching the numbers slowly but steadily climb for almost a year was telling me it's time to get my health in check. But I ignored the obvious.

It's not all about the weight, having gained weight is just a sign of how my health in general has declined. My body is pretty keen on accumulating weight when something isn't right internally. My guts kill me no matter what or how much I eat. I'm in some kind of trouble.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm heavy. My partner, as amazing as he is, has the "beauty is what's inside" attitude... which kind of doesn't help. I'm beyond thankful for his presence, but he doesn't understand my "need to change".

First things first. 

I dusted off my fitbit for the first time in a while. I started driving regularly just over a year ago, and unfortunately no longer needing to walk my ass off to get to work has had a huge impact on my daily 'step count'. And I mean HUGE. Like I don't think I even realized... I thought I was still doing a lot of walking during my shifts, up and down stairs, up and down ladders, back and forth across the jobsite several times a day.. But it just isn't enough. I'm not even touching the 'daily goal' of ten thousand steps preset by the fitbit app, when before I drove, I'd get 30,000 steps a day easy. I almost crapped when I saw at the end of a work day I was only at 7 thousand steps.

So my first goal is.. ten thousand a day.  At least. I will have to become more conscious of my steps, and make time to take more if I haven't reached my goal.

Keeping track. 

I'm right back at my all time heaviest weight. I'm carrying it a little better this time than I did years ago, but that's not the point.. I'm still carrying it. So here I'm going to list my current measurements, no matter the 'embarrassment'. I know I'll appreciate it later. Plus it's more for my own records, but I'm sharing that if I may some day encourage someone else to push through the same struggles. So here it is:

Weight: 223.3 lbs [height 5'5"]
Pant size: 16
Waist: 51"
Bust: 48"
R thigh: 30.5"
L thigh: 32"
R arm: 13.5"
L arm: 13"

So there. Last time I was this weight, I believe I was size 18+ and I'd never bother to buy jeans to save myself the struggle of finding some that fit. At least right now I can wear jeans, because I need to for work. Sheet metal is sharp! Though I wish they were a little looser fit. My goal pant size is 8, last time at which I weighed roughly 160 lbs. I still have my goal pants from last time around.

Make the decision. 

One must decide first that they want to be healthy before one can become healthy. I'd made that decision once before, and that's when I had my greatest success. My mistake was not keeping up with my healthy lifestyle choices, for giving up when I hit a rough patch in my life. I admit it's not easy to eat healthy and plan for regular exercise when living outside, being healthy was not as much a concern as merely surviving.

When I finally got back on my feet about a year ago, I gave my health some thought, but that was about the end of it. I got comfortable, and complacent about the status of my health. It didn't matter as much as securing jobs, and finding a roof under which to live. My focus all year was purely external, knowing full well my health was continually being sacrificed.

I can't let that happen anymore. I must decide. One step at a time. Forever forward. I'm beginning again, from the start. All I ask from my friends and loved ones is for a little encouragement. Please remind me that I'm worth it, I tend to forget from time to time. Thanks, and lots of love.

xo

Starting Over.

I look back over this blog that I [thankfully] kept, and I just shake my head. I mean, I'm glad I kept the blog, I'm just utterly disappointed in myself for letting go. I did so well for so long, even after my mother passed away. And here I am, eating crap food, sick all the time, almost back to my heaviest weight, and smoking. YEP.

The past couple years has been a rough ride. I wouldn't necessarily take any of it back, I've learned a lot about myself, but I let myself go in the process. I've been struggling with my mental health, with my sense of self worth, and with my highly addictive personality. All those things combined when not managed can be a recipe for disaster.

I NEED to get back on track before I can't anymore. The time is now. Should have been yesterday, but now is all I've got.

...

Two months later...

I've managed to almost completely quit smoking. I went from a pack or more a day to two or three cigarettes. I was able to make it a couple days without having a single one, then I let the stress get the best of me. I still haven't bought a pack in over a week.

My juice press is sitting assembled and ready to go on the dining room table. I've even used it a couple times this week. The nutribullet has seen fairly consistent action for my breakfast smoothies, but just about every meal has been (delicious, but) an assault on my insides. My digestive system has been in revolt for a few months now, but the stress and anxiety I've been dealing with was my huge excuse not to give a shit.

Oh, and I bought a scale. It's been a long time since I've stepped on one, and I nearly cried. Weight wise I'm pretty much right back to my heaviest. At least I still kinda fit in my jeans. Kinda. My weight is a good tell of how bad my insides are getting. The worse they are, the more I retain. If I don't get back up on it, I'm gonna get very sick very quick.

I'm worried that it won't be as 'easy' as it was last time to get into a routine. I'm a little nervous that maybe it will be much harder to lose the weight as I get older. I'm kinda scared that it might be too late. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try.

There's a produce store in the nearest town that happens to be on my way home from work, no matter what city I'm working in. I have to pass it to get home. There's a vape place in the plaza next to that. I have no excuses to smoke or not eat the way that I should. There's a big-ass garden planted beside my house that in a couple months will be so abundant I won't know what to do with it all.

I don't need junk. I don't need sugary snacks or pizza. I don't need sammies every day for lunch, or meat at dinner. I don't need salty greasy fried things to be happy. I don't need to smoke to feel alright.

This is it. The beginning of the rest of my life. And I'd rather live in health than in sickness.

things falling apart.

okay. alright... so the last time i hit this blog was in december of 2014, about six months after my life started falling apart. i promised i wouldn't let it all get to me, and i called myself out for slipping. here i am again, starting over. not right from scratch, i'm certainly not back to the state of dis-ease i was in back in 2012/13. but if i keep on this path i'll be back there in no time. i can feel unpleasant things unraveling inside me. and the weight is a sure sign of the sickness, my body always does a good job of showing me on the outside when shit just ain't right within.

so, where am i at? i'm not entirely sure to be honest. i lost my scale on one of the several moves the past year and a half. my jeans do not fit me arse. my guts aren't working right. my hip has been mildly disjointed for quite a few weeks now and it's getting uncomfortable. i have a doc's appointment tomorrow to find out what's all up with my thyroid function, and hopefully get on my way to seeing some specialists about some things. i haven't really managed to stay put anywhere for very long since i moved west a couple years ago, and i think that has had a huge impact on my ability to maintain my physical health. i get frustrated when i'm on the move trying to accommodate to uppity diet restrictions and fitness routines. which shouldn't actually be as much a problem as it is, but unfortunately our society gives zero fucks about what it consumes and how it lives so i'm far too often left to choose the lesser of various evils when it comes to eating. things are changing in that realm, very slowly, but it's happening.

for the most part, this blog has been reserved for keeping track of my physical health, and i haven't made much mention of the mental side of things. if you already know me, you know that mental health issues a] run in my family, and b] have been a part of my every day life since i was a wee one. my mental health i have been less willing to address medically, mostly because of my blatant lack of trust in western medicine, especially regarding these kinds of things. brain chemistry isn't something that i like the idea of messing with. but, it's a thing. and another aspect of my health that i have to take responsibility for. i will admit, when i was doing all that i could physically to support this vessel, i was doing far better mentally than i ever was in my past, and i know that by addressing one side of things it will help the other. this time though i have to take a sort of backwards approach to find the mental motivation to take better care of myself physically.

so i gotta start where i'm at with what i've got. i have a steady place to stay right now which is rad. makes sleep and cooking and hygiene much more of a thing. i have my nutribullet smoothie machine, a hand crank masticating juicer i gotta pull out of storage, some space to do some stretches, and a produce market store right across the street. i gotta reset my system, ease in as to not go into shock and fall over. i have to find the right amount of calories for what i do for a living without eating anything that hurts. the way i did this last time was start swapping out components for cleaner options and figure out how much of that food is needed to make it up. i need a lot of calories especially in the colder months, and decent hydration. oh, and i have this blog. sooo thankful i kept track of things. i know i can do this again, and better.

one thing that i don't have and wish i did, is the garden space. i was spoiled back home with a quarter acre to do with what i pleased, and it turned to a sweet little camp surrounded by epic food gardens. the produce was abundant and delicious sun fresh. i am grateful to have access to a wee balcony, which my flat mate and i are attempting to turn into a mini food jungle.

oh ya! and how many times have i quit smoking now? like 6? haha. i'm kind of that path again, i've been smoking on the weekends and vaping during the week for a month or so. i'm just about ready to drop the cigs completely. i feel kinda strange about replacing them with a vape instead of going cold turkey, but i know myself and the act of smoking is just as addictive as the nicotine. for now at least, i need that thing to do. with that little bit of nicotine in the juice.

...

my challenge for 2016 is still a health challenge, just one without numbers. i don't have a weight loss goal [although i'll certainly lose some], i'm not as concerned about inches, i'll know i'm there when my clothes fit again. there's that little black dress.. [not even shitting, i own but one 'dress', it's black, and rad, and i will get into it again].

i just want to feel better. i want my guts to stop hurting. and bleeding. and my joints to hold together right. and my head not to hurt all the bloody time. and my hip.. i want to be able to climb a hill and take a breath at the top of it. be a part of the world around me and fully enjoy it without some sort of stabbing/throbbing/annoying pain. and have the energy to get excited about it! and feel like i deserve it, i suppose that's key. i just want to be me.

so that's what i'm gonna do. one step, two...

it's over due.

xo

calling myself out..

me at my goal weight of 165 lbs, an entire 50 pounds lighter than last year.

i just did it. again.. that common mistake people make that i mentioned in my last blog post.. i managed to reach my goal, and then i stopped doing all of the things that got me there. maybe not entirely, as a lot of them have become habit, like the fitbit ocd i now have. and of course, the Shakeology. thankfully i actually enjoy it, which is a miracle, and it's super simple to make.. and just happens to have a boost of everything i need for the days i'm feeling too lazy to be healthy. which has been a lot lately.

last time i caught myself in the act. this time i let it go on... thankfully i didn't gain any weight back. permanently anyways. but i have been feeling like crap, and it's starting to show on my face. my skin hates it when i eat oily or sugary things, and i'm totally guilty of downing a bag of chips or two in the past week, loaded with both. a little break-out is enough of a sign for me to get back up on it.

it's not like i dropped my healthy lifestyle completely, as i said i do have healthy habits established now, the smoothies and dark green based salads have still been staples in my diet. but i have been a little over-indulgent on things i shouldn't have. and as much as i hate to admit it [but i'm calling myself out here, that's the point..] i started smoking again. roughly around the same time i started working the job that i've been blaming my life-hate on, a physically demanding, mentally draining, and shift-rotating job at which i can barely afford to survive at let alone thrive. i'm still debating holding out at this company for an upcoming full-time position, or finding something new. the stress isn't helping my situation, so i have to stop letting it get to me and get on with my life.

that said, today i dropped the excuse of taking 20-40 thousand steps a day as a reason not to work out, and restarted the PiYo challenge. i decided to become a BeachBody coach earlier this summer because i do have faith in their products, their workouts certainly give results if you stick with them and do them correctly. the Shakeology was an added bonus, i never ever like shake mixes and usually ditch them before finishing a bag, but their vegan chocolate option is actually amazing. anyhoo back to the coach thing.. as much as i enjoy their products, and even though i have seen results and proven myself successful in using them, i'm far too modest to put myself out there and sell this thing.

i should really give it a shot though.. i'm just not sure where to begin. i have my story, i have results, and i'd really love to help other people do the same.. but i know it's expensive [not really, compared to a daily starbucks and picking up a new video game], and i know it takes dedication, and i'm not sure if i have what it takes to coach others when i sometimes have a hard time staying on track myself. i suppose that's just another realistic dynamic of being engaged in such a challenge, changing your entire lifestyle to encourage health from a state of illness can be daunting. being and/or having a coach is a good place to start with accountability. sometimes you fall down. no reason not to get back up.. at least that's what i'm telling myself. time to get up.

i'm so thankful that i started this blog. it's almost hard to believe without looking back, how heavy and unhealthy i was, and how i could allow myself to get that way especially knowing all that i know. it's a reminder of the challenges and the lessons, and a motivation when i feel like giving up on myself. although i have been determined to change my life and regain my health, i wasn't always confident that it would work. it's time to take it to the next level, beyond just losing a few pounds and reaching a numerical goal. for 2015 my new challenge is to strive for super-fit, and put this thing to work for me. i wanna be a coach, for real! because if i can do it, i truly and honestly believe that anyone can. i'm stubborn, 'lazy' at times, and LOVE food, on top of having a pre-existing health condition that causes weight gain and fatigue. and here i am, fifty pounds lighter and in far less pain. impossible is Nothing. onward!

getting the goal.. and beyond.

well, i made it for a minute there. i did the seemingly impossible, losing fifty pounds in about 9 months. weight that took years to accumulate due to ill health and poor choices. weight that i'd never thought i could lose. and here i am.. i crossed the 'finish line', but it's not over yet.

i think a common mistake that people make when they set a goal for themselves most particularly involving weight loss, is thinking 'hey, i made it' and then suddenly stop all the good things they were doing to get them there in the first place. the weight comes back, the individual becomes frustrated and claims that the program or whatever 'didn't work'. of course i've said it before and i'll say it again, maintaining good health involves life-long changes for the better. no matter what you're doing to get there, chances are if you stop and go back to doing whatever you were doing before, you'd end up right where you began. unhealthy and unhappy.

not gonna lie, i did exactly that. but i caught myself soon enough.. one of the reasons i insist on stepping on the scale daily is to keep myself in check. just as it's not easy to tell you've lost weight when you're stuck inside your body, it's also hard to tell you've gained it. especially if it's 'only' five pounds. that extra long weekend of pizza and ciders and and smokes and submarine sandwiches took it's toll. five pounds on, guts in a knot and a yummy cough. gotta love it. nah.. gotta take responsibility, suck it up and get back on that there wagon.

after being a couple months without, i finally had to bite the bullet [ha!] and purchase a new nutribullet. i'd killed mine before leaving home anyways, so i didn't feel so bad getting a new one. now i just have to get back in the habit of using it daily.. at the very least i make sure to have my Shakeology. i know it's a shake mix, but it's delicious and filling and vegan which is a million times better than grabbing a cheeseburger on the go. i still have my hand crank juicer somewhere, but not having a garden to feed the compost to makes me more conscious of the waste. one of my new goals is to try some of those 'super boost' green drinks in the recipe book. and do my best to make them taste as cream as the booster juice... i don't know how they do it! but i will figure it out.

and beyond..
now that i know what 166 looks and feels like, i know my journey to better fitness isn't over. i'm not sure what i was expecting, except maybe to not feel so heavy on my feet. this is true. now that i've achieved this, i'm fairly confident that i can move forward from here with some more specific goals. now that the majority of the pounds that were in my way are gone, i can work on toning muscles, tightening up and maybe even push a little further down the scale.

my main challenge at the moment is re-establishing a routine. i've been kind of vagabonding around since the middle of summer which certainly added to the challenge of maintaining any sort of ritual. now that i've finally decided to settle in somewhere for the winter, i can re-build my healthy habits and work on some new ones. i have to get back on the workout routine for sure, the hills of Vancouver have been quite a help but now that i'm adjusting i have to continue to push my body's limits.

i'm currently working the night shift, which is tiring and not usually a good thing when trying to establish a healthy way of life. but it's my reality right now, and i have to make the best of it. working the opposite of everyone else kind of forces me to have a lot of time to myself, and though that gets a little uncomfortable at times, it's probably exactly what i need right now, so the best thing i can do is embrace it, and make the most of every moment.

well, that's where i'm at right now.. excited to achieve and to move forward. thanks again to all my readers family and friends for your ongoing support and encouragement. without it, i likely wouldn't be writing an ongoing success story. love! until next time..

Day 18-30 - the Thirty Day Challenge

so i dropped off the face of the planet.. it happens! i kept up mostly with workouts until the day i boarded the bus, and then of course everything changed. i've managed to keep my diet in check since i left for the coast, there was one fast-food indulgence on the bus, and a frank at a husky stop. otherwise, not bad! i have a few packets of shakeo that i've been using every few days when i need a pickup, but i had skipped a shipment that was due the same time i'd planned to travel. i have other boosts to make smoothies with until the next box arrives.

the bus ride was rough, needless to say i didn't get much exercise. i did manage to get a few thousand steps in each day by walking as far and back as i could at meal stops, or doing laps of the terminal places i couldn't wander too far. sleep was minimal, bus travel isn't good for that unless you don't mind sitting for days on end. some people pass right out, not me... impossible.

after wandering Vancouver for a couple days i've already located places to  buy cheap fresh produce, and places to collect various healthy goodies i enjoy like unsweetened coconut water and bulk nuts and dried fruits. speaking of wandering Vancouver.. being a pedestrian in this city is a workout of it's own. i'd love to get a bike! everywhere is a hill. the way home for most people involves going up for the most part. i love that i haven't climbed an actual set of stairs all week and yet my fitbit sees the change in elevation with my steps as flights, apparently i did 43 flights yesterday.. that's pretty cool.

well i'm rockin' a place to stay for now in the city until i move along, and i'm doing my best to get back into a sort of routine. i've been retired from retail for a month now, and really digging in to what it takes to be a wellness coach so that i can help others make progress on their goals as i have, despite extra little challenges. right now being transient is one of those challenges, and i must adjust to my environment and situation.

ahhh yes and to conclude the 30 days i've lost 3 pounds and 4 inches total. not bad considering i'm nearing the end of my 50 pound weight loss goal! sorry about the delay, i'll attempt to stay connected in the coming weeks despite the impending adventures. to health, happiness, and fresh air!

Day 1 - the Thirty Day Challenge

i've been a little stuck lately, and i needed a boost to get me out of the rut. the main reason i started this blog is for accountability, and so that i can look back at my journey to reflect on what i did to get where i am today. last week i decided i'd step it up a notch, and sign up for an online fitness club. as you can see over the past couple years i've tried various programs and products with different levels of success. so far it's clear that nutrition is a big part of it, and the best workouts for me are ones that involve little or no equipment.

my friend Steph introduced me to Team Beachbody, the very company that produces some of my favourite workouts. i decided it'd be a good idea, given i'm a fan of their products and the price was right. after taking a look around the site, i decided right away that i wanted to be a coach. with tools like this available i could keep myself accountable, and help others to reach their goals at the same time. sounds kinda like exactly what i was looking for. i joined her challenge group, which started today, August 1st.

to sign up just as a club member is only 2.99 a week. for a network of buddies to keep you in check, and a workout schedule template to follow it's not a bad deal. as any good fitness club should have, there's also a free option.

i'm glad i joined a support group, as my first day was a little rough. today was also the day we could finally bury my mother. knowing i'd need time later on, i went for a nice hour long bike ride in the morning, and packed a bunch of clean food for lunch, with a couple smoothies. good thing i did, trying to find something clean on a foodplace menu isn't easy. especially when your mind is elsewhere. my mother's story and how she passed inspired me to take a better look [and action] into my own health.

my thirty day challenge consists of a low-impact workout program, some biking, a vague clean-eating/vegan diet and meal plan, a smoothie or two, and soon to introduce the Shakeology. they have vegan shakes which are hard to find. especially that taste good! i usually mix up my own shakes, but there are lots of ingredients [which a lot of are in Shakeology] and i won't be able to carry them around. i'm pretty excited to see if there's noticeable results, i already feel better knowing i have such a neat program to look forward to with impressive success stories. i'd like to add my own to the pile, and i've already have reached some key milestones towards my goal. today, clean eats, and organizing my schedule.

not a bad start to the thirty days considering. tomorrow is a new day.

time to Thrive.

as of yesterday afternoon, i am officially retired from my full-time job as a retail supervisor. i have decided that in order to better my health and my life, i must take the time to make my well-being my 'full time job'. for the next thirty days, no excuses, no slip-ups, no cheating. lots of exercise, proper rest, and healthy clean eating. learning, too.

after the first few weeks, i take the show on the road. i'll be travelling to the west coast where there is a presence in the 'wellness industry' to learn more about becoming a health coach, and continue on my own personal journey towards better health and fitness. there's a lot of work ahead of me, and some honest dedication. i've come this far already, there's no turning back!

thanks to everyone who has been following my journey so far, your words of encouragement come with loads of support. i'm confident that i can not only succeed at my goals of losing weight, gaining health and building a more healthy and sustainable lifestyle, but also one day help others succeed too.

if you're interested in following my journey through all the ups and downs and delicious details, check out my page at facebook.com/SageThriveChallenge. help me achieve my goals just by following! thanks again:)

the Junk

it's addictive, and it's everywhere. in fact, sometimes it's the only option. i've been a little stressed and strapped for time lately, so i've been making less-than-awesome food choices the past few days. Matt took me out for lunch that included fries, there was a dose of subway in there, and a chicken wrap from wendy's. all within three days! oh and a small ice cap from timmies accompanied that wrap. bleh! i felt horrible after, had a horrible time in the can. brought me right back to the "IBS" days... we'll get into that later.

but first, to top it all off [and so that i never forget it], i had to grab one last serving of mcD's. i've been good all day. in fact, it was almost two full days of being back on my mostly raw vegan regime. i had almost made a full recovery from the binge. but i had to be sure...

i ordered one of each of my favourite things, a mcdouble [with plus cornichons], a small fry and small vanilla ice coffee. my mouth was already watering from the smell. i got my meal first while my brother waited for his sandwiches. we ate my fries at the counter. salty heaven. the oil still hot. wash it down with some of that ice coffee... after a couple sips it starts.

there's an acidy taste at the back of my mouth. a few more sips and i can feel the mucus in my throat starting to flow. this naturally made me feel thirsty and need to drink more to wash it away. oh, right. the sugar, the 'milk'.. that's what that stuff does.

then, the burger. no photo needed, we all know what that stuff looks like. plasticy cheese product hanging off the edge. i ate most of it, besides the pickles it tasted pretty bland. the whole deal smelled so good and my mouth watered for it, but by the end of the indulgence, the indigestion had already begun. oh... yeah. but g*d damn the first few bites were delicious!

by the time i had taken the last bite [before tossing the rest in the bag] i felt like i had just been kicked in the stomach. i had to sit for a few minutes to sort it out. by the time we got to his car, i had a full-blown headache. it's two hours later right now actually, and i still have that headache. and i almost feel like my skin wants to break out. woah. that's all kinds of not good.

...

when i was a kid, i had all kinds of things wrong with me. horrible nerves, acid reflux at the age of ten.. by the time i was a teen i was already a wreck. like most kids in my generation, i grew up on grilled cheese and kraft dinner, with pot roast or chicken and potatoes with a steamed veggie on the weekends. the occasional happy meal was a treat. 

when i got older, these symptoms of constant discomfort were continuous, but the diet was never in question. diagnoses were quick assumptions based on how i was feeling on my last visit to the doc. their tests and blood work never found a true cause. i had everything from IBS to severe acid reflux. sometimes i'd vomit small amounts of bile, scorching my throat for days. this is horrible for anyone, but especially frightening at the age of twelve. throw hashimoto's thyroiditis on top of that, and you've got a stressed out fat kid.

for years it didn't matter what i ate, it made my guts hurt. was it wheat? acidy tomato sauce? dairy? meat? it was anything, everything i ate. even vegetables and fruit. the problem likely being that my guts simply weren't used to having them. the proper fibre after days of not having any would be painful passing through. i'd eat salad but then there's the dressing.. i had no idea i was constantly assaulting my body just by eating refined and processed foods. i suppose it'd be safe to assume that things sold en masse for the purpose of human consumption would be good for you, right? all the added vitamins and minerals.. then if you look at the second ingredient of just about anything, the sugar...

...

after a few hours, the most immediate symptoms are fading into a dull annoyance. something most people would take a tums for, or try to soothe with a glass of milk.  here i am thinking.. is this what's really going on? do we all just think 'oh it's just a little indigestion' and move on? repeating the same vicious cycle of eating junk, feeling like crap, eating better for a few days to make up for it [and maybe go for a run] then start all over? is this why we're so sick? so fat? ....probably. we think we're eating food, our bodies are trying to tell us no, this isn't food, we ignore, then we get sick and fat and irritated. hmh.

the saddest part of it is, this is all 'normal'. well, it was more normal in the 80's and 90's, now people are aware that the majority of things sold for human consumption aren't actually food, but everyone eats it so it's okay. everyone enjoys it, so it's not going anywhere. it's so incredibly easy to 'fall off the [diet] wagon' and grab a quick snack. and it's just as easy to do the same thing the very next day. when you've become a 'regular' and servers know your breakfast order before you get to the counter, there's a problem.

i've been doing incredibly well this year in my get healthy venture. when i started this blog in 2013, i lost about 20 pounds by sheer force, and eventually gained it all back. at the beginning of 2014 i weighed roughly 210 pounds, and by july made it down to 175. after my binge i'm sitting around 180. now that i've been keeping a close eye on my weight, it is apparent that when i eat crap my body bloats and retains water. this will show on the scale as a couple pounds extra in as little as a day. it'll take me a week to get it off again. and it doesn't even have to be as drastic as a cheeseburger, it can be something as innocent as a single serving bag of lay's or a 'healthier' subway sub.

i've said this before, but even with the knowledge that most of the stuff out there to eat is garbage, we still reach for it. it's incredibly challenging to choose real, unprocessed food over the quick fixes not only because snacks are so delicious, but that's mostly what is available. thinking back to the last time i was on the road, a lot of the time the only 'food' places for miles served.. well, junk. i would absolutely eat as much fresh as i could when i happened upon it, but for the most part, things that keep well or are served quickly often made the menu.

point is, it's still a choice. i think mentally a part of this binge for me began at the idea that soon i'll be on a bus for a few days straight headed to the coast, and the only food choices available en route aren't the best ones. it'll be unlikely to find anything fresh, the occasional banana or apple at a truck stop or gas station perhaps. there aren't many markets along the highway for said coach buses to stop at. i think maybe i wanted to see [while still in a controlled environment] if my body could handle all that, and truthfully after said and done it made me very uncomfortable. the symptoms of 'IBS' that have been all but gone since i started eating cleaner came back full force in the matter of three days. could it be that this backup diagnosis of 'irritable bowels' is simply our bodies' response to eating processed junk?

i'd bet my ass on it. literally.

and since i'm getting too old to spend half a week on the bus in the first place, i don't fancy doing so suffering from symptoms of IBS, so imma be sure to pack myself as much real food as i can to make it through. and then continue on, wherever i end up, eating just... real... food. imagine that? i mean the odd treat once in a blue moon won't kill me.. but it's my mission to find real food out there, everywhere, anywhere i go. i've been managing here now that i've found a taste for goodness, but what will i do without my blender? the adventure awaits!

the scale

it's an important tool when on a journey to better health, i find. i never used to care about the numbers, but without some way to measure it's hard to see results. last year i'd used our roommates scale for the first half, then after we moved we went the second half of the year without one. i suppose i felt a little lost because i couldn't tell if i was making a difference, so i finally caved and picked one up at the start of the year.

i spent a majority of my late teens and early twenties wandering around with a rucksack, stopping from time to time to inhabit random dwellings but i never stayed for long. when i was kept busy getting up before sunrise and constantly on the move, my weight was pretty average. i settled into the domesticated life when i came back to town and started working full time night shift. i gained weight quickly, having hashimoto's didn't help my cause. after a couple years i had gone from 150 [which i already thought was heavy] to over 180. i stopped looking.. my heaviest weight was 213 pounds by the start of 2012. oh, i'm 5'5", just in case you were wondering. i'd never had the nerve to take a picture of the scale back then, i was in denial that my weight was out of control.

by sheer force i managed to lose ten pounds, but it took me a year to do it. i leveled out at 205 which stayed my average weight for another year. at the beginning of 2013 i started this blog, and my search for the 'perfect diet and exercise' regime that would help me lose weight. i lost a few pounds here and there, i think i'd lost about ten pounds total [all of which i gained back], but at least i'd gained hope that it is possible to make the numbers go in the other direction.

when i stepped on the scale today, i was half expecting my numbers to have gone up a couple notches for having 'fallen off the wagon' a few days ago and had a veggie burger combo, and the next day a small order of fries. i'd kept up with the juicing and other healthy inputs of course, but still.. i was totally shocked when i looked down. i really couldn't believe it, i had to reset the scale a few times and rub my eyes to make sure everything was working right.

189.6! i can't even remember the last time i saw a number under 190. i know it's just a pound less than the last time i mentioned my weight, but it still seems so surreal! i suppose i didn't want to get my hopes up on bringing my weight down, and it was super extra satisfying to know i made it under my next expected plateau. i mean, it could still be one, but i'm staying positive. hard work and dedication and self-education truly does pay off. until next time.... yay!

spring CLEANing

something very strange just happened... let me try and explain.

first of all, i haven't been doing a whole lot of writing because i've been doing a whole lot of reading. and juicing, and blending, and stretching and relaxing, and for realsies most nights even sleeping... and despite just getting over a bug i'm feeling pretty good.

anyhoo.. for quite some time now, i've been doing my own research and experimentation to figure out exactly what is the best diet for me. i've read all kinds of books, watched over a dozen food documentaries, taken online courses in nutrition, and researched various references to attempt to discover what is best to put into my body. not only that, but how to 'cleanse' and reset my digestive system through nutrition. 

a while ago, we picked up a NutriBullet as i've always had a hard time getting food into me before too early in the morning, and all of my days begin so early. but there are a bunch of things i didn't like the idea of throwing in a blender [namely vegetables, specifically greens] so i decided to invest in a brand new masticating juicer. i found it on sale right at the beginning of the year and got an amazing deal! of course, it was 'new year's resolution season', the best time to find health related gadgets and exercise equipment on sale.

i started juicing as often as i could. before long, it had also become a part of my daily ritual, juicing enough mostly vegetables to get me through the day. after everything i've learned i find it really difficult to put processed foods into my body, and i've had to get creative with what i juice and blend to keep it interesting [and tasty!] and before long, slowly but surely, i started to see results.

so i'm walking through the bookstore on my lunch with a determination to find a book on food combining. i pretty well knew going in there that i'd need to order it as there wouldn't be one in store, and i was right. on my way in i passed this table with a bunch of healthy recipe books, raw vegan stuff, that sort of thing.. and down on the corner there was two copies of a book called 'CLEAN'. plain white cover, small paperback print, nothing fancy. while every other book on this table was a glossy print or fancy hardcover. for some reason that was the book i was compelled to pick up.

i flipped it over and wuh.. a familiar face! i've been watching so many documentaries and reading so many books i couldn't remember which i'd remembered it from, but there he was. Alejandro Junger, M.D.. i looked at the cover and thought, for whatever reason.. nah this guy is going to tell me things i already know. what i don't know is proper food combination, i gotta cover that first. i put the book down and went over to the ordering station.

a store clerk came up to me and asked if i needed any help. i told her what i was looking for, and she told me her life story. she was raised on meat and potatoes and raw milk. rarely greens, and yet there she stood before me.. healthy and energetic [though more overweight than i] and pushing seventy. she was trying to convince me that i don't really need any vegetables to survive, i just need to eat good food. we had accepted one another's difference of opinion.. but she had thrown me off the track i was on to ordering that book, and taken up most of my lunch. i walked back to the fancy display table as a last minute decision [i needed a new book to digest!] and i picked up a copy of Clean.

i started reading right away. and there it was...

...a synchronicity! i mean, these things happen... but it was just too uncanny. i picked up a book that i was somehow drawn to, and it was a familiar face. his program applies some habits that i'm already practicing based on everything that i've learned, and it has already been working for me. i turned to page eleven and my eye was immediately drawn to the words Eleven Eleven. i had to look again... i couldn't believe it! i've had this obsession with these numbers since i was ten years old, and there they were. i couldn't help but feel like in that moment, the universe was telling me 'hey! you got it...'

so, that's my story. or, the beginning anyways. i'm on my second read-through of this fantastic program, which even provides ways to mentally prepare, and things to keep in mind while you cleanse. like the fact that it's 'only three weeks'. this particular program has some very strict, although not restrictive [in the sense of calories, just choosing the right ones!] guidelines to get the maximum benefits in this relatively short amount of time. snacks at a party, a gathering at a restaurant, these things aren't so horrible to attend without consuming if you can just keep in mind what you are doing for your health, and that once it's over those snacks will come around again. only next time you might not crave them as much, after seeing and feeling the results of such an intensive, restorative program.. that's actually very simple!

needless to say, i'm going to give it a try. i'm already on the right path as far as easing in, and being prepared with the tools i need. now i need to collect a few more ingredients, a few more reliable, relatively simple and delicious 'clean' recipes, and just a smidgen more willpower. i'm almost there...

[ps! i forgot to mention... i'm now at 190.8 pounds! that's keeping with the average of a pound a week weight loss. i hit that plateau of 195, but the juicing and blending combo along with better choices helped me overcome it quickly. just sayin'!]

back to the juicer

yea, i haven't posted in a while. i just wanted to put it out there.. i haven't given up. i do however have to take a break from checking the scale. again. it's certainly not as productive right now as keeping up with the numbers on my fitbit. after a few weeks of keeping tabs on my sleep and activity levels, it's given me some perspective on how to better sort my time.

for instance, i can track my sleep patterns. on overage, i'm 'restless' around 4am. it's pretty well pointless for me to try and go back to sleep once i've woken up, so i'm beginning to accept that is just simply my wake up time. so instead of staying up til eleven and setting an alarm for five, i've shifted my sleep schedule back an hour to get the most out of my energy. now instead of preparing all of my juice for the next day before bed, i can do so in the morning before i go to work. thankfully i work a steady shift which has really helped me to begin to get my health on track. and juice is better the day it's made anyway.

speaking of juice.. juicing is something that's really easy to be lazy about. the preparations, the clean up, not to mention the walk every second day to the grocery to get another load of produce.. but i've been managing to keep up with it. i have noticed that my tastes are beginning to change; celery isn't as bitter as it once was, and parsley isn't as weird in a juice as the first time i tried it. i'm finally adjusting to the sudden influx of raw veggie juice.

to make the whole process easier, i've kind of turned it into a ritual. one that is adaptable whenever i discover an easier or faster way to do something. it's taken me a couple months to figure out what works for me and what are the best things to include in my juice, so here's a basic outline.

first of all, i invested in a slow juicer. i had an 'express' juicer at first, but i find i get way more juice out of the cold press, and there's more options as to what i can put through it. that being said, my finished product makes about 4-4.5 pints [8 or 9 cups] which lasts me a whole day. i'm currently not juice fasting, but i'm still consuming mostly plant based whole foods in only necessary amounts to get enough fat and other nutrients that i can't get from the juice. otherwise, that amount of juice keeps me feeling full most of the day.

i have an hour and a half to get ready for work in the morning, and i have to leave my house around 6am to get there on time. by quarter to five, i'm gathering my juicer. the whole process- setup, prep, juicing and cleanup takes about 45 minutes.

first i juice the green 'base' veggies, celery and cucumber. one bunch and two whole ones respectively. this alone makes up almost a third of the juice. then i juice the lemon and ginger into that, and collect in a juice pitcher. i then juice a whole pineapple and add that to the pitcher. next a couple of apples/or asian pears, oranges, a lime, carrots, depending on what i have on hand and what is freshest at the market. i give it one good stir and then pour it out into four pint sized mason jars, leaving a little space in a couple of them for the 'boosts'. for these i use beet root as one, and dark leafy greens such as spinach or parsley as another. these and other sorts of things that have many health benefits but a strong/bitter taste i spare the rest of the batch from and keep them as a 'meal' of their own.

cleanup gets easier every time, once a 'ritual' is formed and refined it doesn't seem so daunting of a task. some may say that it's a lot of effort for some juice, but really i think quite the opposite. it's minimal 'effort' to absorb lots of nutrients and enzymes from raw, 'living' plant based foods that i'd certainly not be able to eat all in one day. in fact, my entire day would be steady munching to pack all of that goodness in! i didn't start out with this amount, maybe half and worked my way up.

some things that i have noticed: i started with roughly two quarts of juice a day at the beginning of the year, and i am telling you i haven't had so much as a sniffle since. i have seen my entire team at work, most of my friends, and my boyfriend [who i live with] through some nasty cold and flu viruses and i remain completely unaffected. this may be due to the outrageous amounts of actual, real true vitamin C [and everything else!] that i'm juicing from fresh produce. i would at least have one quart if i had to spread my supply, as a day without juice is a day without energy. i have recently upped my intake to double [so 4 quarts total per day], and in turn my insatiable appetite for all things horrible for me is easing off. food cravings aren't nearly as bad, and in fact processed foods taste different [not as good] to me now that i have had such an elevated intake of raw, real food.

so here's hoping that the next leg of this journey i'm on involves some real weight loss. i think my body is starting to realize that no, i'm not starving her.. and yeah, it's okay to let go of those extra pounds that were protecting my precious organs from all the 'dead food' i've been bombarding my body with over the years. you take what you can get, right? well now that i'm not living out of a backpack and have a steady income i have no excuses not to take better care of myself. here's to my health..

the difference..

since i did the three day juice fast, i have continued to drink fresh cold pressed vegetable and fruit juice daily, in addition to watching my calorie intake. i have noticed a couple things in this past week. first of all, i'd like to blame the juice for this.. i haven't been sick yet in 2014. there have been some horrible bugs going around, people on my team at work have been sick twice over so far, and i haven't gotten so much as a cough. i feel pretty confident that the constant influx of delicious vitamin and mineral rich juices is helping to support my immune system and keep me virus free.

juicing in the snow for my '24 hour challenge'

secondly, i've heard a few people say this.. don't watch the scale every single day it will freak you out and/or make you crazy. i totally agree. last month i was literally weighing myself daily, sometimes even twice a day. i was curious to see if there would be any changes, and at first the pounds came off quickly until i got down under two hundred. i may not be losing it as fast now, but the good news is, it's still coming off. this month on average so far i have lost a pound a week. that really isn't so bad.. if i were to continue at this rate i could lose 40 more pounds this year, and i wouldn't complain. the real difference here is that my trend of gaining roughly six pounds a year has finally changed due to a complete [and continual] overhaul of my lifestyle.

it has been a challenge to this point to get in more physical activity. it's been a long, cold, brutal winter.. even this time last year i had no problem running the trails, but this year the frigid temperatures have been a burden. i still see some people running, good on them. this temperature just isn't for me. on top of that, when it's that bloody cold i usually opt for a bus pass to get to work, but i didn't renew this month. i've started walking again [it's only average ten below instead of thirty], to work and back which adds 7 kilometers to my daily regime. i feel a lot better when i get to work, not as tired.. and i sleep better at night.

speaking of which, it's about time to get a move on. my gym finally opens this weekend, i have been literally counting the days. i can't wait to get in there and learn how to use the machines.time for work... bye for now!

cheat day

me again.. yea i'm still at it. since i'm kind of freestyling here [with some extensive self education] as far as my 'diet' goes, i've decided to make payday my 'cheat' day. i only get paid biweekly, so that's two days a month i can eat whatever i want. within reason of course.. the likelihood of me scarfing down a McDonalds cheeseburger on my cheat day isn't very good.

yesterday i had a banana berry smoothie with chia and coconut oil for breakfast, broccoli salad and a few pieces of brown rice vegetarian sushi at lunch, and for dinner Matt and i attended a Geocaching event which involved chicken wings. i only had a few as i could barely get anymore in my stomach, and had lemon water to drink and a few of his fries, i couldn't resist. i wasn't going to go chicken wings, but i rarely ever get the chance to eat them and was really craving some meat.

after a week of primarily plant based whole foods, it was a little bit of a shock to my digestive system. i didn't feel it till later in the evening, it was probably the wings that did me in. that being said, the gut ache still wasn't nearly as bad as i used to get them, just a little uncomfortable trying to get to sleep.

it's the weekend again, so i'm juice fasting again for my days off. i'm pleased with the success so far in regards to how i'm feeling overall, and the fact that i only 'gained back' half a pound from the six that i lost over last weekend. keeping up with a mostly plant based whole food diet i believe is helping me to maintain my weight.

i'm super excited to go to my new gym that finally opens in two weeks! i'm glad i bought in pre-opening and that i'm locked in for a year because that will encourage me to take full advantage. the price was right for my budget and it's just too awkward to get a good workout in our tiny little apartment. there's just not enough room to move around for the impact that i'm going for.

in the meantime, i'll keep up with the juicing and primarily plant based diet along with some stretches and light exercise. eventually i'd like to ease back into running, but not until i get enough weight off to have a lesser impact on my joints.

i'm feeling sort of hungry and grumbly today, which isn't all that surprising considering i ate whatever i wanted yesterday. and because of very recent previous experience, i know tomorrow will be easier. i've been considering stretching it out into a longer term juice fast, i've been reading up a lot about thirty day and sixty day juice 'cleanses' and i'm wondering if i might be able to handle it with my schedule and physical job. i may have to modify slightly to get a greater intake of calories, i know i don't feel right if i'm not getting enough.

that's about all that i have to say for today.. i am noticing that my yoga pants are loose in places they never used to be. i'm excited every time i notice a subtle change in my shape or my appearance or the way that i feel. keeps me motivated and makes me smile.