10k30 challenge: week 1

Starting a new routine can be a challenge. In my case I'm attempting to get back to my old healthy habits that I know work, and the most effective way I find to do so, is to publicly challenge myself. It's accountability, and motivation. I tell everyone I can what I'm doing, so if they catch me slipping they can call me out, and cheer me on when I nail it. My partner thankfully does exactly that, as do many of my friends and family back home. So anyways, that's why I let everyone know about it. The reason for the challenge though, is repeating these actions daily for any decent length of time helps me to incorporate them into my everyday life- long term. If I've managed to take my ten thousand steps every day for thirty days in a row, then I know surely this can be an everyday thing. I do the same thing with my diet, if I'm doing a juice fast, I let everyone know I'm doing it [and why].

My utter lack of fitness really hit me when my partner had his kids come to visit. The kids wanted to bike down the road while we followed on foot. I realized how winded I was and we hadn't even made it to the end of the road.. it was almost a breakdown moment considering I used to hike miles of rugged terrain carrying a pack from 30 to 60 pounds depending on the season for days or weeks on end. Right now, I don't think I could even hike the smallest one of these hills out here without collapsing in pain and exhaustion.

When I first moved out west I'd lucked out on having a place to crash in East Van. No matter where you walk in that city, you're on a hill and in a matter of time, you get used to it. I did a lot of walking in Vancouver, and thankfully I was still carrying my fitbit at the time to reflect that. 25-40 thousand steps a day wasn't uncommon, and without even thinking about it. Even after my roof collapsed and I lived in a pickup truck for half a year [and on a couch for the other half ] I still managed to get enough exercise whether I was collecting firewood or working in the city. Now that I have a home again and in the country this time, driving to get places.. my step count had dropped drastically. But I didn't notice without my step counter, eventually the scale tipped me off.

...

Day 1: it was effing cold. Winter winds were whipping through the valley, but I strapped on my shoes and got out there. My face was a little frozen but I loved it, it felt good to be out there moving. It's pretty easy to get cooped up inside in colder months and stagnate, especially outside the city. I had found my fitbit in my basket of stuff that I haven't touched for a couple of years. I had been wearing it for a week before I started this challenge to observe what my patterns are like now... I was horrified to see that my average for that week was maybe 6 thousand steps a day, my lowest being just over three thousand. No wonder I was winded trying to walk briskly to the end of my road.

Day 3: I was really lucky that I had started on a long weekend because I could get into a step routine during daylight hours before having to get out there in the dark. This time of year there's only 8 good hours of daylight which can be demotivating at times. By day 3 I was out of bed and ready to get stepping before the sun. I felt excited to get out there and make it down to the creek [at the end of the road] so that I could adventure around in the woods before my walk back. I had been brisk walking that way every day, and also 'slow running' to the other end [a shorter distance] and back daily to make my quota.

Day 5: by the fifth day, I'm starting to get tired. I'm back to work and making time to get the rest of my steps in after, and keeping house and making it happen... but I'm tired. No above and beyond, but I did complete my goal.

Day 7: still tired, but starting to get my second wind. I only have Sunday off this weekend as opposed to the long weekend I started with. I got up early this morning to get my steppin' on before doing a half day at work, and it was a beautiful morning to get outside.

...

It's now the morning of day 9, and I'm sitting here writing while I wait for the rain to slow down. I've been pulling out the scale every couple of days to check if my weight has changed, and I have seen my weight go down 2 pounds and back up one. That's far better than a steady increase, like what has been happening this past year. I have only made minimal changes to my diet in the past week, doing my best to avoid breads and pasta, margarine and cheese, and chips and sweets. I've been brewing my own tea with honey and almond milk instead of grabbing Timmies, and having a smoothie with fruits and Vega to get me going and keep me satiated all morning. I'm hoping to squeeze in a 2 day juice fast the next time I have two days off, so I'm preparing myself for that as well.

That's about all I have to say for today, I'm going to do some kitchen calisthenics while I wait out the rain. Thanks for reading! And a huge thank you for cheering me on. I will get there, one step at a time. Cheers back at ya!

Starting Over.

I look back over this blog that I [thankfully] kept, and I just shake my head. I mean, I'm glad I kept the blog, I'm just utterly disappointed in myself for letting go. I did so well for so long, even after my mother passed away. And here I am, eating crap food, sick all the time, almost back to my heaviest weight, and smoking. YEP.

The past couple years has been a rough ride. I wouldn't necessarily take any of it back, I've learned a lot about myself, but I let myself go in the process. I've been struggling with my mental health, with my sense of self worth, and with my highly addictive personality. All those things combined when not managed can be a recipe for disaster.

I NEED to get back on track before I can't anymore. The time is now. Should have been yesterday, but now is all I've got.

...

Two months later...

I've managed to almost completely quit smoking. I went from a pack or more a day to two or three cigarettes. I was able to make it a couple days without having a single one, then I let the stress get the best of me. I still haven't bought a pack in over a week.

My juice press is sitting assembled and ready to go on the dining room table. I've even used it a couple times this week. The nutribullet has seen fairly consistent action for my breakfast smoothies, but just about every meal has been (delicious, but) an assault on my insides. My digestive system has been in revolt for a few months now, but the stress and anxiety I've been dealing with was my huge excuse not to give a shit.

Oh, and I bought a scale. It's been a long time since I've stepped on one, and I nearly cried. Weight wise I'm pretty much right back to my heaviest. At least I still kinda fit in my jeans. Kinda. My weight is a good tell of how bad my insides are getting. The worse they are, the more I retain. If I don't get back up on it, I'm gonna get very sick very quick.

I'm worried that it won't be as 'easy' as it was last time to get into a routine. I'm a little nervous that maybe it will be much harder to lose the weight as I get older. I'm kinda scared that it might be too late. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try.

There's a produce store in the nearest town that happens to be on my way home from work, no matter what city I'm working in. I have to pass it to get home. There's a vape place in the plaza next to that. I have no excuses to smoke or not eat the way that I should. There's a big-ass garden planted beside my house that in a couple months will be so abundant I won't know what to do with it all.

I don't need junk. I don't need sugary snacks or pizza. I don't need sammies every day for lunch, or meat at dinner. I don't need salty greasy fried things to be happy. I don't need to smoke to feel alright.

This is it. The beginning of the rest of my life. And I'd rather live in health than in sickness.

the scale

it's an important tool when on a journey to better health, i find. i never used to care about the numbers, but without some way to measure it's hard to see results. last year i'd used our roommates scale for the first half, then after we moved we went the second half of the year without one. i suppose i felt a little lost because i couldn't tell if i was making a difference, so i finally caved and picked one up at the start of the year.

i spent a majority of my late teens and early twenties wandering around with a rucksack, stopping from time to time to inhabit random dwellings but i never stayed for long. when i was kept busy getting up before sunrise and constantly on the move, my weight was pretty average. i settled into the domesticated life when i came back to town and started working full time night shift. i gained weight quickly, having hashimoto's didn't help my cause. after a couple years i had gone from 150 [which i already thought was heavy] to over 180. i stopped looking.. my heaviest weight was 213 pounds by the start of 2012. oh, i'm 5'5", just in case you were wondering. i'd never had the nerve to take a picture of the scale back then, i was in denial that my weight was out of control.

by sheer force i managed to lose ten pounds, but it took me a year to do it. i leveled out at 205 which stayed my average weight for another year. at the beginning of 2013 i started this blog, and my search for the 'perfect diet and exercise' regime that would help me lose weight. i lost a few pounds here and there, i think i'd lost about ten pounds total [all of which i gained back], but at least i'd gained hope that it is possible to make the numbers go in the other direction.

when i stepped on the scale today, i was half expecting my numbers to have gone up a couple notches for having 'fallen off the wagon' a few days ago and had a veggie burger combo, and the next day a small order of fries. i'd kept up with the juicing and other healthy inputs of course, but still.. i was totally shocked when i looked down. i really couldn't believe it, i had to reset the scale a few times and rub my eyes to make sure everything was working right.

189.6! i can't even remember the last time i saw a number under 190. i know it's just a pound less than the last time i mentioned my weight, but it still seems so surreal! i suppose i didn't want to get my hopes up on bringing my weight down, and it was super extra satisfying to know i made it under my next expected plateau. i mean, it could still be one, but i'm staying positive. hard work and dedication and self-education truly does pay off. until next time.... yay!

juice fast day 2

alright well i had sort of a rough night yesterday. later in the evening i was starting to feel very uneasy, and contemplated cutting up a salad and breaking fast. i did break fast, but with a banana. that was specifically what i was craving, and i chewed it very thoroughly. man did it ever taste good.. and it did ease the strange feelings i was having. i decided not to let that get me down, and that i would wake up the next day and keep going. i stepped on the scale this morning and shrieked a little.. 197 pounds! i've been struggling all month to get under two hundred, hovering around 202. i hadn't seen a lower number than 199.8 in a while. i was shocked, and this was an instant motivator to keep going. [and maybe to paint my toenails haha!]

my size 14 pants are a little looser around the waist. even if most of that five pounds was water weight or waste i hadn't rid myself of yet, that's five pounds i'm no longer carrying around. i've never bothered with numbers as far as my weight is concerned, but i felt that in order to see if i was making any real progress i'd have to invest in a scale. i'm in my body all day every day and subtle change is hard to detect without some sort of measure, so there you have it. i've always been told that i 'carry it well' which i do agree [that i don't look like i weigh over 200] but the fact of the matter is, i still have to carry it around regardless of what i look like. and it's damn heavy on my smallish frame.

i do feel better than i did 24 hours ago, and as i type this i've been 48 hours without solid food. i pretty well have to visit my grocer daily to pick up the produce that i need as we only have a small bar fridge in our bachelor apartment to keep things fresh. luckily things like apples and carrots and various other roots can be kept out over the winter, and there's a freshco right across from my house so i don't have to go far. i can't wait to get at the farmer's market! and at the garden... it's gonna be a good year.

i'm particularly glad that i have today and tomorrow off work, i feel that rest is important during a fast to let my body heal. when i get more used to fasting i may try a longer one [7-10 days] but for now three [and a half] days seems like enough to 'reboot' my digestive system before reintroducing solid foods. since i work every third weekend i may make this a part of my 'ritual' to have a three day juice fast every three weeks. and perhaps even have a weekly juice fast on sunday to keep it rolling, i'll see how i feel. so far, actually not that bad.

one thing i have noticed is that i have a lot of time to think about what i'm putting into my body. as i cut and prepare veggies and fruit to go into the juicer i think about all of the good things that each piece will do for me. when the time comes to start eating regular meals again, i feel more confident that i can make better food choices and including more raw foods than before. it's like a whole new appreciation for even having access to such a variety of foods. we also have access to some pretty spiffy technology that can help to extract nutrients from foods and consume more of these nutrients than we would just simply eating them, such as juicers and high power blenders. the produce department and i have been becoming better friends than ever before. and i've always loved veggies!

another thing i've noticed is the lesser impact on the trash can and recycle bin since i started juicing. and the dish rack.. i'm saving water not having to wash so many dishes, and there's virtually zero trash from the produce i'm buying, i don't bother with the rolls of bags at the grocery store, i just wash everything well when i'm ready to use it. i bring my own bags always. if i need to weigh something 'loose' i'll grab a brown paper bag intended for the mushrooms, at least it will break down faster and it's not plastic. all of the pulp and most of the 'waste' from the produce goes into the compost pile out back. that being said, as long as i'm eating better, so is my garden.. which in turn produces better food for me to eat.. and the cycle continues. oh man am i ever excited for the garden this year... fresh kale!

chasing down the sun

man it's been a while since i have spent any quality time with the sun. i was lucky enough to get a ride home from work today instead of waiting for a bus, so i got home almost an hour earlier than usual.. i hit the trail as soon as i could to catch some rays. it seems every time i have a day off the weather decides to be miserable. i suppose that's what i get for deciding to start running in January.

the light reflecting off the snow and the pines was intensely bright, that living green colour you almost forget exists in winter. however the clear skies brought quite a chill, so i had to cut it back to 8K today. not bad i say.

i have been keeping track of my weight the past couple weeks, checking it daily, and watching my average slowly decrease. for over a year no matter what i tried i couldn't get my weight below 200 pounds. now mind you i'm heavy set and have decent muscle structure beneath my cushy layer, i do some intense physical labour type jobs and have done my fair share of long distance hiking.. so i don't look 200 pounds. no one ever believes me when i tell them [they think i weigh less, thanks guys! haha], and i don't think i ever took a photo for proof. well what i'm getting at is, i stepped on the scale at 192 today, had to double check it in disbelief. really?! cool! so my average right now is around 194. not bad, about six pounds in a few weeks. here's a pic from the celly i took a couple days ago:

no doubting those feet are mine, that's for sure! i wanted to capture my highest weight, but i missed it. i'm not too concerned, i wouldn't wanna gain it back for the shot haha. anyways, losing weight is a part of my goal, but numbers aren't important. it has become apparent that my weight is affecting some of my ability, and i simply want to regain the flexibility and endurance i had before, and improve on that a bit at a time. i mean i'd love to get down to 175 [this year], i haven't seen those numbers in a couple years. i wish to weigh no less than 160-165 ever, as i like knowing i can whoop an ass if need be haha.. just kidding. but really.. i don't wanna be "skinny". i just want to weigh a little less, and feel better.