The [gravity] struggle

It's difficult sometimes to explain to someone who has never had weight challenges, what it feels like to be overweight. My loving, amazing partner comes from a family of eaters, most of which are also overweight. He tells me all the time that my weight doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts. But what he forgets is how all that weight makes me feel on the inside.

...

Stress and depression are the two main factors in weight gain for me. If I land myself in a very stressful situation, my body retains fat. It's a defense mechanism of being in 'survival mode'. When I suddenly became homeless 2 and a half years ago [again] it was unexpected, and it put a lot of stress on my mind and body. I slowly started to retain the weight.

I remained in survival mode for so long it became difficult to switch it off. I kept gaining the weight even after finding a home, which stressed me out even more. I'd eat to numb the stress, which made me gain more weight. And the vicious cycle throws me into a landslide.

...

So back to my point. In the past two and a half years, I've gained 60 pounds. This put me well over 200 pounds, which some people find hard to believe.

I went ladder shopping for work, and a fella tried to sell me a cheaper ladder that was on sale for a third of the price of the one I was looking at, but I nearly exceeded the weight limit. When I pointed to the sticker and said I needed a stronger ladder, he looked me up and down and said, "is the ladder for yourself?" ... yes. Yes and I nearly exceed the limit on this ladder.

He told me if that's so, I certainly carry it well. I'm told that all the time when people hear what I weigh. Including my doctor. The fact that I don't look like I weigh over 200, or that I "carry it well" doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm still carrying it!

Imagine walking into a grocery store, and you don't get a shopping cart. The first thing you go for is a 10lb bag of potatoes. Now you walk around with that bag for quite some time, and go back and slowly pick up 5 more. You can never put them down.

Those 6 ten pound bags of potatoes are now putting extra pressure on your feet.. on your ankles and knees. One of those bags lives on your chest, making it hard to breathe when you're trying to sleep. They're getting in the way of performing everyday activities. Carrying all that extra weight causes a lot of pain and discomfort over time, and does damage of it's own.

When I explained this to my wonderful, supportive, rail thin partner, he finally got what I was talking about. Now he really understands why I'm being so adamant about dropping the weight, why my feet always hurt and I'm exhausted after work. And ultimately why being so overweight makes me depressed and uncomfortable.

I'm so thankful that he's on board 100% with helping me lose the weight. For the first year that we've lived here and worked the same schedule, we would come home and he'd do any general maintenance on the yard or house our vehicle while I prepared dinner. But it was always a dinner "for him" that I would end up eating too.

The past week or so I have been juicing for dinner, and it takes time and prep and cleanup, and he's had no issues cooking the "real meals" while I make my batch of juice. He knows that I love cooking for him, but until I master my new healthy routine, he might have to do the cooking for a while. And he's quite alright with that.

He can see that it's paying off. In the past 3 weeks of eating cleaner and adding the juice, I've almost put down one full bag of those potatoes. I feel a little better already. My knees are thanking me (and it's a little easier to do up my pants!).

This is just the beginning. I have 5.2 bags of potatoes left to get rid of, and I'm getting there. Thanks again for reading, and for your love and support. And remember, if you're on a similar journey and you need a little motivation, I'm here for you too!


xo

5 pounds down..

53 to go. And when your monthly trend has been an increase of 4 or 5 pounds, losing five is an amazing feeling. My current weight is 218, down from 223, with a goal of 165. It's a reasonable goal that would put me at a size 8 pant, and is my optimal weight for performance and strength.

So, what have I done differently? First, no sugar. I've cut out pretty much all processed foods besides the occasional gluten free bread toasted veggie sandwich, and my vegan protein powder that gets mixed into my morning smoothies.

I've also been doing my best to drink more water. I've cut out fruit juices, I never drink soda, and if I want something warm I'll opt for a rooibos or green and peppermint tea sweetened with local non pasteurized honey. In order to make water easier to drink (and more hydrating), I add a shot of organic lemon juice, and a splash of coconut water. Bam, naturally flavored water!

For me, diet is the number one factor when it comes to losing weight. My system simply can not deal with processed, artificial food-like substances. Even though I am well aware of this, I had slipped back into the trap. I was eating whatever I could get for cheap that would keep well, not considering the damage it would cause.

 When I'm craving sweets, I reach for a fruit. I keep apples and bananas on hand for when my body screams for sugar. The trick to this and not going for unhealthy junk food is simple- don't buy the junk. Don't even have it in the house. Living half an hour from the nearest grocery store helps me with this.. and of course, making my partner well aware of my healthy intentions.

Otherwise, I haven't really been doing much different. My next big step is to get more exercise in my day. I've been exhausted lately now that I'm finally back to work, and when I come home aching, it's hard to find the motivation. I'm trying to train myself to wake up earlier so I cam include a half hour routine before work.

Well, that's where I'm at. I have re-proven to myself that something as simple as eating a more natural diet and avoiding sugar makes a big difference on it's own. This week I will start waking up 45 minutes earlier to make an attempt at a morning workout routine. Happy Sunday!

28 days later...

So. Four weeks in to 2018. Call me traditional, but I've always had the best luck with New Year's resolutions. Perhaps it's just the idea of setting such a symbolic deadline, either way, I use the conscious cue to my advantage. I want this year to be measurably better for me health wise than last year, and so far I'm on the right track.

First, I'm done with nicotine. I'm finally off the hook. I don't even feel the need to vape anymore, I'm well over it. I couldn't be more proud of myself for doing it, and thankful that I'm finally free of that trap. It's hard to heal a body that is constantly being assaulted by toxins, so this was a critical first step. I worked on this diligently last year. That whole 2 months of no work and being broke admittedly helped a lot. See? I knew the lull in finances had it's purpose!

Next unhealthy habit to go, was eating things that I am aware cause pain and damage and weight gain when I eat them. It's a lot of things. To summarize, my genes were not at all prepared for all these modern day processed foods and refined substances and isolated nutrients. Everyone in my maternal bloodline has had an uncomfortable and deadly struggle with these in our past few generations. Kicking processed "foods" out of my diet is essential for healing. I'm well on my way with this too.

My morning smoothie game is strong. I make sure they're packed full of plant based superfoods, and free of refined sugars or artificial anythings. They're filling, nutrient dense, and give me the energy I need to get my day going. I follow that with a warm peppermint or rooibos tea with local honey. Much better than my "orange pekoe double double and a berry muffin" from Timmies on the way to work.

Lunches can be a challenge, but I'm including as much plant based whole foods as I can, and pass on the bread. I kept eating breads until I built up a 'tolerance'... and that tolerance came with several pounds of body fat. I've learned that's how my body reacts to things it doesn't like. It retains fat and creates extra mucous to attempt to 'buffer' the effects of whatever-it-is I shouldn't be eating. Makes sense, really. And since lunch is typically my main actual "meal" of the day, I'm doing much better at making it a healthy one.

Dinner was the worst. After a long day of work the last thing I'd want to do was make two separate meals at the same time in one kitchen. My partner is a carnivore which I don't have a problem with [unless I end up sharing the meal which always ends in a stomach ache]. He likes his heavy starchy gluteny filling supper, but for me I must avoid eating heavy so late in the day. Another benefit of having time off was having the time to come up with some evening snack ideas that don't hurt me- but we can still sit down together to enjoy a bite.

Food is life. What you put in you is what you get out of it. I know this, I've done my research and I've seen my results [which I kept track of in the history of this blog]. But I had let the stresses that were in my life rule me. I stopped caring. I ate whatever I could afford or get my hands on even knowing it'd do damage to my body, but at the time would rather maintain on cheap 'food' than suffer starvation. When you spend an extended amount of time stuck in "survival mode" it can be the biggest challenge to get out of it. And many of us are stuck in that mode without even realizing. Well, I'm done with just merely surviving. It's time to Thrive. For good this time.

My third- and possibly greatest challenge to overcome this year is staying in motion. It just hit me a couple weeks ago. One of the biggest factors I have still currently working against me is something that I also rely on- my mode of transportation. 2017 was my first entire year behind the wheel in my whole life. When I lived in the city I did a LOT of walking. I had to, I didn't drive. Now that I live in the country and work a job that requires a lot of tools, driving is essential.

Not only that, but the shift in my career path definitely affected my daily step count. I went from commercial landscaping [practically jogging whilst pushing a mower for 6+ hours of my day], to working with sharp sheet metal [which you don't want to move quickly with], and standing on a ladder for more than half of my day. Running the machines took it's toll on my wrists and elbow, which was one of many reasons I had to make the switch. Gardening, however, is a good workout [and yoga session!] for me, which I get to do at home.

Between those two major changes, I walk maybe a quarter of the distance daily that I did most days in the past. I went from my Fitbit telling me I've taken 35-40,000 steps a day without noticing, to struggling to find the time to get in ten thousand steps. Of course I stopped using my Fitbit one day, and kind of forgot about it for a year or two. I had no place to plug it in for quite some time, and had more things on my mind than how many steps I got in a day.

All the weight I gained from all the things I did [and didn't] led up to "the moment". I had a funeral to go to early in the month [for someone who died of a heart attack at 39], and I realized I no longer [by FAR] fit into my "fancy pants". And that realization led to my next dilemma.. if my fancy pants don't fit, then neither do my waders.

The last time I wore my waders was a few months ago, around the time I twisted my ankle. I hadn't worn them since because my swollen ankle wouldn't fit into my wading boots, and now my arse doesn't fit where it needs to go either. No waders means no river hiking... which is a million more points against me. *sigh*. This weight has got to go.

I'm in it for the long haul here. When I lost an abundance of weight a few years ago, I did so pretty quickly. I lost [on average] two pounds a week for almost a year. Needless to say, it didn't work out for me in the end. I'm right back where I was. This time, so far, I've lost roughly a half a pound a week. It's grueling at times waiting for my pants to fit, but I feel better about the slower transition into a healthier diet. Now all I need in my strength.



Well, that's my rant for the day, and this is where I'm at. Thank you for reading, your encouragement and for helping me stay accountable. And if you're facing the struggle to find your own health, don't forget I'm here for you too.

xo

2018- making it my year

When I started this blog 5 years ago, I was sick, tired and overweight. It took a year to figure out what my body needs to not only survive but thrive, and then another year to make it happen. I worked out a diet and exercise plan, and by the end of 2014 I had lost 70 pounds. After being in BC for a year I fell upon some hard times, and into a deep depression. I managed my way out of it eventually, but had slowly startd to regain the weight.

In 2016, I was on my own and homeless. When a close friend passed away in June, I flew home and almost stayed, but I met my now life partner when I returned to BC to pack up shop. By the time we met I had more or less given up on maintaining my health, I was more focused on staying alive and trying to find a place to live. Working full time and sleeping outside meant more fast food than I'm willing to admit, no proper sleep, and boat loads of unavoidable stress.

By the time we had found a place to live, the damage was done. We've been in our home almost a year now, and instead of focusing on my health as I had planned to, I was more focused on maintaining steady work, and grasping at anything to keep this place up and running. The huge veggie garden and remote location meant more fresh food and far less junk, but I was still overloaded with stress a majority of the time, and made no time for myself.

It's a new year, and I want to make it the best one yet. I'm still unsure of my work situation and beyond broke, but I want to make the best of what I have access to. More work will come, but in the meantime I can't let my current situation stress me to death. I swear it, stress is 90% of why I'm sick and gaining weight.

Ironically this past week we've been locked into any ice age, literally.. the two cities nearest to us have been without power, roads closed due to fallen trees and downed power lines, and we spent a couple nights heating the house by generator. Obviously juicing or smoothies or buying fresh produce was out of the question, so I had to focus on what I could do in the moment. Reduce stress, and plan ahead.

This past 5 years I have learned a lot. I'm armed with the knowledge I've accumulated, including knowing from experience that better health and weight loss is possible despite my autoimmune issues. I started 2018 off right this morning with a vegan protein smoothie, a peppermint tea and a freshly charged fitbit.

Bring it 2018... I'm ready to make a life-long commitment to my health and well being!

10k30 challenge: week 1

Starting a new routine can be a challenge. In my case I'm attempting to get back to my old healthy habits that I know work, and the most effective way I find to do so, is to publicly challenge myself. It's accountability, and motivation. I tell everyone I can what I'm doing, so if they catch me slipping they can call me out, and cheer me on when I nail it. My partner thankfully does exactly that, as do many of my friends and family back home. So anyways, that's why I let everyone know about it. The reason for the challenge though, is repeating these actions daily for any decent length of time helps me to incorporate them into my everyday life- long term. If I've managed to take my ten thousand steps every day for thirty days in a row, then I know surely this can be an everyday thing. I do the same thing with my diet, if I'm doing a juice fast, I let everyone know I'm doing it [and why].

My utter lack of fitness really hit me when my partner had his kids come to visit. The kids wanted to bike down the road while we followed on foot. I realized how winded I was and we hadn't even made it to the end of the road.. it was almost a breakdown moment considering I used to hike miles of rugged terrain carrying a pack from 30 to 60 pounds depending on the season for days or weeks on end. Right now, I don't think I could even hike the smallest one of these hills out here without collapsing in pain and exhaustion.

When I first moved out west I'd lucked out on having a place to crash in East Van. No matter where you walk in that city, you're on a hill and in a matter of time, you get used to it. I did a lot of walking in Vancouver, and thankfully I was still carrying my fitbit at the time to reflect that. 25-40 thousand steps a day wasn't uncommon, and without even thinking about it. Even after my roof collapsed and I lived in a pickup truck for half a year [and on a couch for the other half ] I still managed to get enough exercise whether I was collecting firewood or working in the city. Now that I have a home again and in the country this time, driving to get places.. my step count had dropped drastically. But I didn't notice without my step counter, eventually the scale tipped me off.

...

Day 1: it was effing cold. Winter winds were whipping through the valley, but I strapped on my shoes and got out there. My face was a little frozen but I loved it, it felt good to be out there moving. It's pretty easy to get cooped up inside in colder months and stagnate, especially outside the city. I had found my fitbit in my basket of stuff that I haven't touched for a couple of years. I had been wearing it for a week before I started this challenge to observe what my patterns are like now... I was horrified to see that my average for that week was maybe 6 thousand steps a day, my lowest being just over three thousand. No wonder I was winded trying to walk briskly to the end of my road.

Day 3: I was really lucky that I had started on a long weekend because I could get into a step routine during daylight hours before having to get out there in the dark. This time of year there's only 8 good hours of daylight which can be demotivating at times. By day 3 I was out of bed and ready to get stepping before the sun. I felt excited to get out there and make it down to the creek [at the end of the road] so that I could adventure around in the woods before my walk back. I had been brisk walking that way every day, and also 'slow running' to the other end [a shorter distance] and back daily to make my quota.

Day 5: by the fifth day, I'm starting to get tired. I'm back to work and making time to get the rest of my steps in after, and keeping house and making it happen... but I'm tired. No above and beyond, but I did complete my goal.

Day 7: still tired, but starting to get my second wind. I only have Sunday off this weekend as opposed to the long weekend I started with. I got up early this morning to get my steppin' on before doing a half day at work, and it was a beautiful morning to get outside.

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It's now the morning of day 9, and I'm sitting here writing while I wait for the rain to slow down. I've been pulling out the scale every couple of days to check if my weight has changed, and I have seen my weight go down 2 pounds and back up one. That's far better than a steady increase, like what has been happening this past year. I have only made minimal changes to my diet in the past week, doing my best to avoid breads and pasta, margarine and cheese, and chips and sweets. I've been brewing my own tea with honey and almond milk instead of grabbing Timmies, and having a smoothie with fruits and Vega to get me going and keep me satiated all morning. I'm hoping to squeeze in a 2 day juice fast the next time I have two days off, so I'm preparing myself for that as well.

That's about all I have to say for today, I'm going to do some kitchen calisthenics while I wait out the rain. Thanks for reading! And a huge thank you for cheering me on. I will get there, one step at a time. Cheers back at ya!

Where I'm at

Starting over isn't easy.. hence why it's taken me over a year to get back up on my horse.  As a very brief recap, I became very unhealthy in my late twenties and gained a lot of weight. In 2013-2014 I managed to lose almost 70 pounds total. Over the past year, I've almost gained it all back, and I'm sick all over again. So, here I am.. starting over.

One thing I'd recommend on any health and fitness journey whether starting from scratch or looking to reach new goals, is to find a coach. I was lucky enough that a wonderful coach found me.. so now it's time to take a look at where I'm at. I decided to share this info like I'm sharing everything else to keep my own records, and to hopefully inspire others along the way.

Here we go..


Stats

Age: 32 years
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 222.7 lbs
Size: 16

Health challenges:
Autoimmune disorder, hashimoto's thyroiditis, endometriosis, IBS, insomnia.
Injuries:
Tendonitis, carpal tunnel in right arm/ hand, sciatic nerve damage.

Diet

Mostly vegetarian. No milk ever, cheese sometimes, farm fresh eggs, garden veg [we grew a literal ton this summer]. Lately have been eating a lot of pasta and breads, and rice.

Guilty pleasures; our lunch snacks the past while included chips and the most chocolate laden granola bars you can even buy. Fast food maybe every 6 weeks we cave. Cutting back on the timmies. I buy cookies when the children visit... and partake in their consumption.

Exercise 

30-45 mins of brisk walkng per day
10-15 mins calisthenics per day
Minimal stretching

I'm currently challenging myself to take a minimum of 10,000 steps a day, and half hour of active routine. I like to mix some pieces of insanity and p90x for as long as I can handle with other calisthenics workout.

Environment

I'm currently living in what some lovingly refer to as a 'tiny home'.. which in actuality is a very small farm house out in the country. I do have access to long country roads, farm fields, and a waterway. I don't have very much space for indoor workouts and such, my whole house can be walked corner to corner in about eleven paces.

That said I am hoping to reacquire the gear that I had before moving west, as it worked for me by allowing me a variety of exercises with minimal equipment and space. These simple items include a yoga mat, small weights, and Lebert Equalizer bars.

 Sleep

The word sleep mostly exists in my vocabulary with the word 'can't' in front of it, I have had issues sleeping all my life. This week has been better than most averaging 6 hours a night, but I have had several weeks that average only 3 and a half. The amount I am active doesn't always necessarily mean more sleep, my sleeping patterns are often affected by weather, pain levels, the fullness of the moon,  and various stresses and occasional anxiety.

Stress

Speaking of stresses, there's far fewer in my life now in my life right now than there was say, 2 years ago. I'm no longer sleeping in the back of a pickup truck, or a tent or someone's couch, so there's that. My current stresses involve money and debt. Who doesn't stress about those things? I do lose sleep over it at times, but I'm grateful to be safe and warm and dry.

Lately my biggest stress though, has been about my health. I've been struggling with several issues that are exacerbated by not getting all the exercise I need for over a year, and the crappy diet I was consuming for the almost 2 years before that. I've only just begun to make some changes, but I often stress about the damage done.

Habits

I'm a non-drinker, and proud to say that as of this month I'm a non-smoker too. I did smoke about a pack and a half a day, and slowly weaned myself off using a vapor device.

Since driving and working long days on ladders, my daily step count is less than a quarter of what it was living in the city, walking and commuting. Not to mention my previous job involved pushing a mower or some various other small engine machine. I have become 'lazy' using my manual labour jobs as an excuse to do so.

Objective 

To regain control of my health through proper diet and nutrition, and improve my strength through exercise and movement. In short, I want to feel better so that I can better enjoy the life that I've worked hard for.


...


That's it for now. Stay tuned for challenge updates! I'll be writing about the ups and downs of my first week literally getting back on my feet. Thanks so much for reading, and your continuing support!

Starting Over: Take Two...

*Sigh*

Like, really?

The last time I hit this blog was in April.. I had every intention to get back on track with my health, but mostly failed. I did buy a scale, which may have squashed my motivation a little seeing what it read.. and I have been using my Nutribullet almost daily for breakfast. Besides that and [finally!] quitting smoking, that's about as far as I got. On the plus side, I haven't gained much more weight. Watching the numbers slowly but steadily climb for almost a year was telling me it's time to get my health in check. But I ignored the obvious.

It's not all about the weight, having gained weight is just a sign of how my health in general has declined. My body is pretty keen on accumulating weight when something isn't right internally. My guts kill me no matter what or how much I eat. I'm in some kind of trouble.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm heavy. My partner, as amazing as he is, has the "beauty is what's inside" attitude... which kind of doesn't help. I'm beyond thankful for his presence, but he doesn't understand my "need to change".

First things first. 

I dusted off my fitbit for the first time in a while. I started driving regularly just over a year ago, and unfortunately no longer needing to walk my ass off to get to work has had a huge impact on my daily 'step count'. And I mean HUGE. Like I don't think I even realized... I thought I was still doing a lot of walking during my shifts, up and down stairs, up and down ladders, back and forth across the jobsite several times a day.. But it just isn't enough. I'm not even touching the 'daily goal' of ten thousand steps preset by the fitbit app, when before I drove, I'd get 30,000 steps a day easy. I almost crapped when I saw at the end of a work day I was only at 7 thousand steps.

So my first goal is.. ten thousand a day.  At least. I will have to become more conscious of my steps, and make time to take more if I haven't reached my goal.

Keeping track. 

I'm right back at my all time heaviest weight. I'm carrying it a little better this time than I did years ago, but that's not the point.. I'm still carrying it. So here I'm going to list my current measurements, no matter the 'embarrassment'. I know I'll appreciate it later. Plus it's more for my own records, but I'm sharing that if I may some day encourage someone else to push through the same struggles. So here it is:

Weight: 223.3 lbs [height 5'5"]
Pant size: 16
Waist: 51"
Bust: 48"
R thigh: 30.5"
L thigh: 32"
R arm: 13.5"
L arm: 13"

So there. Last time I was this weight, I believe I was size 18+ and I'd never bother to buy jeans to save myself the struggle of finding some that fit. At least right now I can wear jeans, because I need to for work. Sheet metal is sharp! Though I wish they were a little looser fit. My goal pant size is 8, last time at which I weighed roughly 160 lbs. I still have my goal pants from last time around.

Make the decision. 

One must decide first that they want to be healthy before one can become healthy. I'd made that decision once before, and that's when I had my greatest success. My mistake was not keeping up with my healthy lifestyle choices, for giving up when I hit a rough patch in my life. I admit it's not easy to eat healthy and plan for regular exercise when living outside, being healthy was not as much a concern as merely surviving.

When I finally got back on my feet about a year ago, I gave my health some thought, but that was about the end of it. I got comfortable, and complacent about the status of my health. It didn't matter as much as securing jobs, and finding a roof under which to live. My focus all year was purely external, knowing full well my health was continually being sacrificed.

I can't let that happen anymore. I must decide. One step at a time. Forever forward. I'm beginning again, from the start. All I ask from my friends and loved ones is for a little encouragement. Please remind me that I'm worth it, I tend to forget from time to time. Thanks, and lots of love.

xo

Starting Over.

I look back over this blog that I [thankfully] kept, and I just shake my head. I mean, I'm glad I kept the blog, I'm just utterly disappointed in myself for letting go. I did so well for so long, even after my mother passed away. And here I am, eating crap food, sick all the time, almost back to my heaviest weight, and smoking. YEP.

The past couple years has been a rough ride. I wouldn't necessarily take any of it back, I've learned a lot about myself, but I let myself go in the process. I've been struggling with my mental health, with my sense of self worth, and with my highly addictive personality. All those things combined when not managed can be a recipe for disaster.

I NEED to get back on track before I can't anymore. The time is now. Should have been yesterday, but now is all I've got.

...

Two months later...

I've managed to almost completely quit smoking. I went from a pack or more a day to two or three cigarettes. I was able to make it a couple days without having a single one, then I let the stress get the best of me. I still haven't bought a pack in over a week.

My juice press is sitting assembled and ready to go on the dining room table. I've even used it a couple times this week. The nutribullet has seen fairly consistent action for my breakfast smoothies, but just about every meal has been (delicious, but) an assault on my insides. My digestive system has been in revolt for a few months now, but the stress and anxiety I've been dealing with was my huge excuse not to give a shit.

Oh, and I bought a scale. It's been a long time since I've stepped on one, and I nearly cried. Weight wise I'm pretty much right back to my heaviest. At least I still kinda fit in my jeans. Kinda. My weight is a good tell of how bad my insides are getting. The worse they are, the more I retain. If I don't get back up on it, I'm gonna get very sick very quick.

I'm worried that it won't be as 'easy' as it was last time to get into a routine. I'm a little nervous that maybe it will be much harder to lose the weight as I get older. I'm kinda scared that it might be too late. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try.

There's a produce store in the nearest town that happens to be on my way home from work, no matter what city I'm working in. I have to pass it to get home. There's a vape place in the plaza next to that. I have no excuses to smoke or not eat the way that I should. There's a big-ass garden planted beside my house that in a couple months will be so abundant I won't know what to do with it all.

I don't need junk. I don't need sugary snacks or pizza. I don't need sammies every day for lunch, or meat at dinner. I don't need salty greasy fried things to be happy. I don't need to smoke to feel alright.

This is it. The beginning of the rest of my life. And I'd rather live in health than in sickness.

Day 12-17 - the Thirty Day Challenge

all of a sudden, it got real busy. the good news is, i haven't skipped a shakeo or a workout. the meh news is, the scale isn't moving much.. but the number has decreased. i wasn't expecting much considering i'm at the last ten pounds of my fifty pound overall weight loss challenge this year, and i've been stuck here for a while. i lost over 30 pounds in the first 21 weeks, then.... huge plateau. the interesting thing is, my shape is changing. it's showing minimally in the measurements [i'm down overall about 2 inches and a pound and a half] but i do look and feel different. clothes fitting different, that sort of thing. something is happening..

i feel pretty good. i've been hella busy preparing for a big long journey west, and this challenge has been the cornerstone of keeping any sort of schedule or routine. i'm keeping up with it despite my strange sleep patterns, sometimes the workouts happen around midnight, sometimes it's early in the morning. but it's happening. i don't get to choose when i sleep, but i'm sleeping. i'm working on the when, and it won't help changing three time zones next week, so i think i'll wait on the when till i get there.

for the past few weeks we've been getting some pretty decent weather. cooler than our average summers, it's been nice sleeping outside in the tent. the time has come to pack it up, and busy as i have been, kick my agenda into high gear. each day between now and departure is right full, and it will be an even greater [but very much worth it!] challenge to keep it up. the bus journey will be interesting. i'm starting to collect some clean snacks, and some not-so-horrible treats so i'm not tempted to grab junk on the road.

well, i've got to get to my PiYo and clean up a little. tomorrow i have some running around to do, lunch with Matty [probably our last date before i go] and bring the last load of stuff i don't need to the storage locker. gotta fly!

Day 1 - the Thirty Day Challenge

i've been a little stuck lately, and i needed a boost to get me out of the rut. the main reason i started this blog is for accountability, and so that i can look back at my journey to reflect on what i did to get where i am today. last week i decided i'd step it up a notch, and sign up for an online fitness club. as you can see over the past couple years i've tried various programs and products with different levels of success. so far it's clear that nutrition is a big part of it, and the best workouts for me are ones that involve little or no equipment.

my friend Steph introduced me to Team Beachbody, the very company that produces some of my favourite workouts. i decided it'd be a good idea, given i'm a fan of their products and the price was right. after taking a look around the site, i decided right away that i wanted to be a coach. with tools like this available i could keep myself accountable, and help others to reach their goals at the same time. sounds kinda like exactly what i was looking for. i joined her challenge group, which started today, August 1st.

to sign up just as a club member is only 2.99 a week. for a network of buddies to keep you in check, and a workout schedule template to follow it's not a bad deal. as any good fitness club should have, there's also a free option.

i'm glad i joined a support group, as my first day was a little rough. today was also the day we could finally bury my mother. knowing i'd need time later on, i went for a nice hour long bike ride in the morning, and packed a bunch of clean food for lunch, with a couple smoothies. good thing i did, trying to find something clean on a foodplace menu isn't easy. especially when your mind is elsewhere. my mother's story and how she passed inspired me to take a better look [and action] into my own health.

my thirty day challenge consists of a low-impact workout program, some biking, a vague clean-eating/vegan diet and meal plan, a smoothie or two, and soon to introduce the Shakeology. they have vegan shakes which are hard to find. especially that taste good! i usually mix up my own shakes, but there are lots of ingredients [which a lot of are in Shakeology] and i won't be able to carry them around. i'm pretty excited to see if there's noticeable results, i already feel better knowing i have such a neat program to look forward to with impressive success stories. i'd like to add my own to the pile, and i've already have reached some key milestones towards my goal. today, clean eats, and organizing my schedule.

not a bad start to the thirty days considering. tomorrow is a new day.

time to Thrive.

as of yesterday afternoon, i am officially retired from my full-time job as a retail supervisor. i have decided that in order to better my health and my life, i must take the time to make my well-being my 'full time job'. for the next thirty days, no excuses, no slip-ups, no cheating. lots of exercise, proper rest, and healthy clean eating. learning, too.

after the first few weeks, i take the show on the road. i'll be travelling to the west coast where there is a presence in the 'wellness industry' to learn more about becoming a health coach, and continue on my own personal journey towards better health and fitness. there's a lot of work ahead of me, and some honest dedication. i've come this far already, there's no turning back!

thanks to everyone who has been following my journey so far, your words of encouragement come with loads of support. i'm confident that i can not only succeed at my goals of losing weight, gaining health and building a more healthy and sustainable lifestyle, but also one day help others succeed too.

if you're interested in following my journey through all the ups and downs and delicious details, check out my page at facebook.com/SageThriveChallenge. help me achieve my goals just by following! thanks again:)

juice fast day 3 and after..

day three of the juice fast was for sure the easiest day. i felt so good about  what i was doing i wrote about it extensively, and i'm not done yet! i broke fast with simple whole foods. a banana, an apple, a couple dates and a small handful of nuts. i had a hard time finishing and i was satisfied.

my energy levels are up, which is amazing. i thought it would have slowed me down a lot more.. mind you i had the last two days of my fast off from work. when i returned, though, i brought my lunch of juice, nuts and raisins, and a small jar of homemade vegetable soup, and i was satisfied for the whole day. this surprised me as i am usually starving even by first break, my job is very physically active and i never sit down.

something else incredible happened that i forgot to note; i slept. like a baby. all. three. days. which points to what my lifelong issue may have been with sleep.. a direct link to my diet. oh and i slept lastnight too, a solid 6 hours which is unheard of for me. i usually get 3-4 hours max if any solid sleep at all. i have been this way since as early as i remember. and i remember my days of kindergarten quite well.

i lost 6 pounds over the 3 day fast and the day leading up to it. i started eating again at noon on tuesday [that tiny meal i mentioned] and ate a little more yesterday, and not a pound of that six has come back. that to me is mindblowing. i have tried a lot of different fasts and shakes and regimes and products and in all of my previous experience i have always started to gain the weight back immediately after the product/regime/fast ends. now i suppose it's not 'ended', as what i'm doing now is a complete lifestyle change. a whole new outlook on how i see food and how i treat my own body. this is not only necessary for my health and survival, but my likelihood to thrive as an individual and a member of a greater community depends on it.

tips and tricks to stay on track.

as i said in my last post, having the right attitude is key to changing my lifestyle. i've had to collect a few ideas to help me keep on a path to better health, as the journey isn't easy. here are a few things i'm doing to stay focused, maybe some of these tips will work for you!

1] tell someone about your goals [blog it!]
i think one of the best things i've done to keep myself focused was start this blog. not only so that i have something for myself to look back on, but to put myself out there and be 'public' about my challenge. i find that letting someone know that you've set a resolution or a goal for yourself ups your possibility of success. for myself i'm more likely to keep up on something if i let others know i'm doing it. lets take smoking for example..

i've been smoking off and on for years, and especially more so when i spent a couple of years on the night shift. i tried quitting on my own, and it didn't last for long. i tried quitting with my partner at that time, and as soon as they picked it up again so did i. when i got off the shift unfortunately i didn't leave the habit  behind, so in the fall of 2o12 i made it my goal to be smoke free by spring 2o13. i told everyone at work, and so.. i quit.. mostly. i'd still have one here and there, but after 'quitting' i could really feel the difference after having a smoke versus not having one. finally, in autumn of 2o13 i kicked the habit for good. i realized that the mild calming effect smoking had on me wasn't anywhere near worth the damage it was doing. i am slowly coming to the same point of realization with kicking the habit of eating processed foods.

2] write it down.
no matter what it is that i want to accomplish, i find i'm much more likely to achieve the goals that i have written down. seemingly even if i forget to look back over what i wrote until some time later, when i do find what i had written it seems it had already come true. as if the act of putting thoughts into words is the very first step of putting them into action.

i'm sort of using this blog to cover the first and second point, so that what i've written is accessible no matter where i am. not only do i like to write down what my ambitions are, but also my achievements. keeping track of things like how many reps or kilometers allows me to look back and see how i've improved. a big wall calendar can be handy for this. i just got one that i keep on the wall facing my bedroom door. i see it every morning when i walk out my door, which will help me to stick to my routine. something else that can help with all this..

3] there's an app for that!
yea, i gave in to the world of smartphones about a year ago, just so many functions and uses i couldn't resist any longer. there's a huge selection of smartphone apps that can help keep track of all of those things from caloric and nutrient intake, to exercise and distances covered. there's even types of bluetooth step counters the size of a little jump drive that tracks everything you do and when you do it, right down to your heart rate when you're asleep. i haven't quite jumped on that bandwagon yet, but it may be a future investment.

 right now i'm using an app that allows me to keep track of my intake [food, water etc] and my output [exercise, calories burned, time spent/distance traveled etc.] and it has a summary screen where i can view each day as a list. it's important to be honest here, because 'cheating' isn't hurting anyone but yourself. when i look back over my list for the day and i see something i don't like [maybe i had a few unhealthy snacks or didn't get enough exercise] then i can pinpoint what to focus on for the next day.

4] be prepared.
if it's worth it, chances are it ain't easy. but when it comes to building healthy habits, being prepared helps me to ease into a workout or preparing a batch of juice. to help with focusing on the workout i have dedicated a space in my apartment where the mat is always ready and my equipment is accessible. by doing so i'm more likely to make use of it instead of thinking "ahh dang everything i need right now is packed away" and procrastinating.

being prepared helps me in the kitchen too. juicing was hard for me to get into at first because of all the prep work involved. one thing that i have done to make it easier is keep my juicer in an accessible [and visible] location so that i don't have to dig for parts to get it set up. i keep all of the little bits for it in an easy to maneuver bucket that i can pull from bit by bit to assemble, and then put everything back in one piece at a time after when i take it apart and clean it. after a few times of assembly and dis-assembly, it's starting to become sort of a reflex and it doesn't take me nearly as long as it did when i started.

5] make it a mantra [and be grateful!]
i mentioned in the last point that juicing takes a lot of prep work, so to help me get through cutting up all that fruit and veg i have made it a mantra. first i gather and rinse everything that i want to use, and i assume a pose in front of the cutting board that is like 'mountain pose' which helps me focus on my posture. i then begin with say, the apples, half them, quarter them, slice out the core, done. and as i do this for each the motion becomes a meditation and each cut a part of a rhythm. i think to myself for each piece of food how grateful i am to have it to consume and improve my health. cut, breathe.. before i know it, everything is cut and ready to go!

this works with a lot of things, especially things that can seem daunting like getting into chores or organizing my belongings. i make a mantra out of seemingly menial tasks at work, focusing just as much on how i carry myself or bend or stretch when i'm moving about my job.

6] add in the goodness instead of restricting the 'bad'
i think one of the biggest reasons why people fail at attempting to lose weight or get in shape or change their lifestyle is the fact that they jump right in instead of easing in gradually. especially for changing eating habits.. it's a lot easier to start by simply adding better meal choices into your diet instead of thinking 'no i can't have all of these things, just that'. this actually works.. i'm in the process of perfecting my nutritional intake by means of this very method. eventually consuming so many good nutritious things starts to crowd out cravings for not-so-nutritious snacks.

in the beginning it's hard to imagine living a whole day without sugar or a chocolate bar or white bread or whatever, but as i started to add in the goodness i also started to lose my taste for processed foods. adding real nutrition may taste offish at first [ie fruit sugar versus refined sugar products] but once my body started to get used to what real sugars taste like, eating sugars in processed foods no longer tastes as irresistible as it once did. every once in a while i'll give in and have a snack that i know is totally horrible for me but from what i remember tastes amazing, i'll get half way through it and realize that it doesn't really taste as good as i remember. especially with bottled pasteurized juice, this rarely satisfies my thirst anymore, and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. i've even lost my taste for things i never thought i'd get over like salty pretzels [and other wheat products] and 'fake cheese products'.

7] find support.
this task has proven to be one of the more difficult ones for me, it's not always easy to reach out in a time of need but i believe that it is essential. many people hire personal trainers or a life coach to find the support they need, but not everyone [including myself] can afford that. it can be as easy as looking to a sibling or spouse or a good friend. having a mentor or just someone to talk to through such a transition can lighten the load. it's important to choose someone that has already gone down a similar path, and is willing to talk sense into you at points when you feel like giving up. i'm lucky enough to have a supportive partner who helps to keep me positive and even joins me in enjoying healthier food choices. and of course, there's always internet groups and online forums. finding a group of like-minded individuals working towards a common goal can be an immense amount of help.

8] act now.
procrastination has been at often times my worst enemy. i'm the type of person that will over analyze everything to bits and just sit there trying to figure out if something is good for me instead of just giving it a try. i think i waited a good few months between thinking running might be a good idea, and actually starting to run. i wish i would have just given it a try as soon as it came to mind, but it now serves as a lesson.

when it comes to improving my health, doing something is absolutely better than doing nothing. there shouldn't be at any point in my life a time where i can complain of being 'bored', and i have made a point of it. now whenever i'm sitting idle i think to myself, what could i be doing right now to improve the quality of my life or overall health? within a few moments ideas will appear. well, i could pop in that yoga dvd and stretch it out for an hour, or maybe organize my seed collection and start picking things i want to grow, or maybe just put on my headphones and go for a brisk walk. things like that. there's always lots to be done.

9] make it a hobby and have fun.
working towards better health doesn't have to be gruelling, which i suppose is the overall idea for this blog. instead of viewing exercise or preparing healthy foods as a chore, i view working towards better health as more of a 'hobby' to keep me interested. i found myself nerding out in a conversation about juicers at work today, and when i realized what was happening it made me smile. i now get excited over things like finding more nutrient packed 'superfoods' or discovering a new yoga position that relieves pressure off an achy joint. it's almost like playing a video game, leveling up, collecting health and building strength, only yknow.. in real life! my life!

10] challenge yourself.
when i started running, i could only go 7km tops in a day. by the time i'd dropped it due to joint issues i was pushing out nearly 20k on my runs.. i'd push myself a little further each day. i never saw myself as a runner, not even for a jog around the block. it's just never appealed to me, i much preferred a good climb up a steep escarpment trail. i shocked myself the first time i ran right into the next town, i smiled for days at the achievement. and it all started when i started this blog a year ago, the Sage Thrive Challenge. i wanted to do something new and truly challenge myself. without a good challenge there can be no true progress.

11]be adventurous!
and never say never. it can be a challenge in itself to keep an open mind about my health, and we are often taught that if it isn't a pill then it won't fix you. truth is, our bodies are capable of healing themselves and function optimally when they have what they need, and aren't being constantly toxified and stressed. so our mission is to figure out what those things are, and apply the knowledge. mild food sensitivities can cause a ton of different uncomfortable symptoms which are then treated with medicines we don't really need. everyone's body is unique and it's up to us as individuals to figure it out. this may result in a need for an all-out lifestyle change, but with an open mind and a sense of adventure, it can actually be fun!

well that's all i've collected for now, and it even took me a few days to write it all out. i'm sure as i go along the list will change and grow. on a side note, as a new challenge i signed up for a gym for the first time in my life... pre-opening rates, 4 weeks till it opens. so excited!!!

new year, new juice, new attitude.

well, i made it to 2014 in one piece, that's reason enough to have faith in the fact that i'm not doomed forever to poor health, pain and discomfort. but really though, after a gruelling year of making many false started attempts at losing weight and regaining fitness, i do believe i've finally realized the key to finding better health.. and it starts with a positive attitude.

as i said in my last post, everyone is different, and what works for me may not work for everyone or even anyone else.. but the whole point is realizing that my body can heal itself when provided with what it needs to do so. the challenge is getting all of the nutrients, exercise and rest i need while maintaining my position in this fast-paced north american culture.

it hasn't been easy to get into the mindset necessary to completely change my life, but i'm getting there. the more i read and educate myself, the more enthusiastic i become about choosing whole nutrient rich foods over processed grains and unhealthy snacks. and the more willing i am to treat myself better overall, getting proper rest and working out in a way that has a better impact. i think the eating habits have been the hardest habits to change, years of living from a rucksack got me used to picking up food that preserves well which isn't usually any kind of fresh. now that i have a place to prepare and store nutritious goodness, i really have no excuse not to do so.

i'm willing to admit that having a 40 hour work week is one thing that has ultimately discouraged me from sticking to any sort of lifestyle change that i've needed to improve my  health. when i get 'in the zone' nothing else matters besides getting to work and getting my job done on time. that leaves me little time to spend hours in the kitchen preparing healthy concoctions and delicious 'slow food'. sometimes i work seven days in a row and it's crucial to keep my energy up as well as stay conscious to what i put in my stomach.

as i said before, i had in the past resorted to various different diets and even supplement products to help me along in my journey to better health. the biggest downfall to relying on short term diets and supplements is of course once they're over, so is the weight loss or gained energy. and most times it follows with even more weight gained than i'd started with, and feeling more exhausted than before. i spent the first half of the year running the trails, drinking the shakes and plugging away, and the last half of the year feeling horrible that after everything, a flip in my schedule threw me off my game and the weight came back to haunt me.

enough is enough, it's time to get serious about being healthy, wholly inside and out. body, mind and spirit.. i have collected enough knowledge to prepare my mind for what must happen, and gathered tricks and ideas to keep me nourished while i'm busy getn'er done. and of course, a few nifty and super simple tools to help me do so successfully. the truth of it is, there is no 'quick fix' solution to poor health. but it does help to start small. my starting small involves finding ways to cram as much healthy goodness as i can into each meal of the day and not slacking out on lunch or breakfast. some sweet tricks that have helped me so far is preparing healthy whole food breakfast smoothies, making large batches of fresh homemade soup, and of course, juicing.

i have recently found a device that may be the godsend i've been waiting for; a cold press masticating slow juicer, and finally at an affordable price! i've been juicing a few times a week using my 'express' juicer, but it's quick moving blades aren't really that great for soft foods such as leafy greens, cukes and berries. it made wonderful ginger infused apple carrot lemonade, but i've been longing for a better way to get more greens into me. i like to blender some foods as well, but it's hard to stomach blended greens day after day. juicing makes it a lot easier to get more servings of fresh food into my system while i'm caught up in this crazy urban lifestyle, without so much triggering of the gag.

a couple other awesome tools i use are the Nutribullet 'nutrition extracter' and an immersion blender that i use when making a large crock pot of delicious vegetable soup. i have found for me that blending foods helps keep me feeling full for longer, this is especially true when i add 'superfood boosts' to my smoothies like chia seeds, hulled hemp and organic virgin cold pressed coconut oil.

the next investment that i'll likely make is in a scale. i know roughly how much i weigh as i check every week or two when i go into my local health food store, but i'd like to be able to keep track myself at home too. i've never really cared about the numbers when it comes to weight, but it will be good to see any progress i may make in a way i can more easily visualize.

the challenge continues..

well 2o13 is about over, and perhaps from the outside, not much appears to have changed. i'm more or less the same weight, slightly less actually.. and i still have health challenges to overcome. the biggest difference has come within. a  change that is necessary to alter one's habits and lifestyle and overall health. it started with my state of mind.

before i started this blog i had it lodged in my brain that i am unhealthy, i have always been unhealthy and chances are pretty good that i always will be. at the beginning of the year i decided that that was the first thing that needed to change; my attitude about my own health. i tried a bunch of different things to improve my level of fitness like running and lifting, and made a few changes to my diet. ultimately, i still felt discouraged. i've had issues with my weight since i was diagnosed with hashimoto's when i was ten years old. it didn't matter that i lived a relatively active lifestyle.. the amount of effort that it would take to lose even two or three pounds would bring me to tears. nothing was helping.. i had to find out why.

this year along with the subtle changes in my routine, i have done a lot of research. it's hard to fix a problem when you have no idea why it exists. so where to start? with the dis-ease. why do i have such a problem? where did it come from? how do i fix it? i remember asking these questions to my doctor and the only answer i would get is because of my genes. my mother had thyroid disease, and so did her mother. really? that's all i get? so why did they have thyroid disease? what is the problem...

well, i'd be willing to take a shot in the dark to guess that our lifestyle along with the food we intake and the stresses we put ourselves under had a lot to do with it. yea so i'm genetically predisposed to having a wonky thyroid, so what do i do about it? how do i strengthen my immune system so that it can do what it needs to do to protect me? how do i get my body to heal itself like i know it can naturally? the answer i found no matter where i read or who i talked to came back to this one seemingly simple answer: eat whole foods.

damn. that is a simple answer isn't it. or is it?

i think the biggest problem isn't that we don't know what to do to be healthy, i think it's that we just don't do it. our culture, the economy that we live in and the governing system that we are a part of have a lot to do with that. here in north america, it's 'normal' to go shopping for food and pick up things that come in boxes, cartons, cans and bottles. we overlook foods that come in no other packaging but it's own skin, or they make up a small percentage [less than half] of what we buy to eat. i prefer to grow my own when i can, but not everyone has the opportunity to do so, and if so it's usually seasonal.

so the challenge continues. now that i know what's up [as if i didn't know before] i can make better decisions on what i put in my body. i may have known that nutrition is important, but now i'm further educated on what types of foods i need and what kinds of things to avoid.

wheat flour is a big one. and it's probably one of the worst foods to try and avoid, especially if you really love a warm, fresh slice of bread with real butter on top. omnom. but that blasted wheat... it feels like a wrecking ball slamming in to my guts all night after. why? well, that it could be that stuff we use to make just about everything 'foodlike' stick together, delicious, horrible, gluten. i don't remember where i read it but i remember someone saying that the wheat we eat today isn't the same as it was centuries ago when people didn't seem to be allergic. but like everything else it's been bred out and genetically tinkered with to be more resilient, and easier to process. this tinkering has also made it impossible for our bodies to properly digest, and therefore it is no longer food. i also read in various different articles that hashimoto's is a common symptom of gluten sensitivity. go figure, the disease itself is a symptom.

anyhoo.. i could ramble on for hours about all of the things that we [or i specifically] shouldn't eat, but the list of what i should eat would likely be much shorter. anything without a list of ingredients seems to be a good start.

eating a truly healthy diet is probably the biggest challenge i have ever set for myself. i've beaten addiction to drugs, i got myself off the streets, and recently i even quit smoking [finally!]. if i can do all that, then i must have the strength and willpower it will take to perform an all out lifestyle transformation [again!]. but its hard for one to change their whole lives at once and expect to succeed, which is why i started with baby steps, building one healthy habit at a time as i go along.

i started with the most important meal of the day; breakfast. and sadly enough, it's usually the meal that people substitute with nothing but a coffee, or sugary highly processed breakfast cereal, or some other concoction that actually isn't food. i was guilty of this.. i'd opt for a large tea with sugar, and something along the line of waffles or a muffin. sugar, caffeine, gluten. oh ya. i have for the most part switched out my horrible breakfast choices with things like fruit smoothies with chia, or homemade oat-only pancakes topped with berries [no syrup].

now i'm working on lunch. instead of grabbing something from the cafeteria [a horrible habit i picked up working in retail] i do my best to make sure i pack leftovers from the dinner before. which means that i must make enough dinner to save leftovers, and encourages me to make a more healthy meal choice. i also eat light at dinner time, which means i have more for earlier in the next day. i have managed to almost completely eliminate pasta. if i feel the need for a noodle of sorts i'll try pasta made from other grains, but mostly i've come to enjoy a variety of different kinds of rice. also an easy way to cram a bunch of vegetables into a delicious meal is to make homemade soup from fresh ingredients. i hadn't been doing this as often as i would have liked, so this is something i am trying to make a routine out of; preparing lots of fresh healthy food ahead of time so i don't opt for fast snacks.

something else that i find helps to keep me satisfied through the day is fresh juice from the juicer. juicing is a lot of work but with proper preparations [and making large batches] juicing can be made into a much simpler task. i make sure i set myself up first, cutting everything i need and lining the juicer collection bin with a plastic bag so it's easier to clean. i run everything through, have empty mason jars ready, and portion a few days worth to be stored in the fridge. i clean each piece of the juicer as i take it apart, and store it so that it's easy to access for next time. preparing a few days worth at once helps save time and keeps me motivated to maintain the flow of goodness into my digestive system.

so far, so good. though i hadn't lost much weight through the year i am just starting to see it now. it took me this long to build up some good habits, and change my attitude to care more about my body, and now i can really apply all that i've learned. a lot of things like the gluten sensitivity i found through trial and error, elimination diets and such. there isn't one particular health regime that works for every person because of course we're all unique, so it has really taken some deep self-observation to find out what was really bothering me both physically and psychologically. stress and negative thoughts had just as much of a hold on me as any other addiction and it's taken a lot of effort to turn these things around. my guts feel better, my joints don't hurt as much, and i'm getting my energy back. thyroid issues tend to rob you of all energy and leave your mind and body sluggish. i'll continue to do all that i can to support my body so that it can heal itself.

i think i'm about done rambling for today, i'm not sure how many people actually read this thing, but it's more for me anyway. maybe someday my journey will help motivate someone else to find their healthy self within.

interrupted.

routines and rituals are very important to me. i should try and make a ritual of writing, maybe i'd do it more often.. anyways, i've been living a domesticated lifestyle this year more so than probably any year of my life, and i had thought that building a routine would be easy. i guess it's not as easy as i thought it'd be.. any major interruption and i'm screwed.

 along with living a domesticated lifestyle, i've also been doing more traveling than i'm used to, and each time i leave for any decent amount of time, my routine goes straight out the window. i was doing so well for so long, and then arkansas happened. after recovering from that insane week of barely eating, not sleeping and riding four airplanes, i pulled myself for long enough to regain my healthy habits just in time to get on a bus for the east coast.

the journey east may have done more good for me than i give it credit for, it was a true awakening. i got to remember all of the healthy habits that came naturally living out there like taking better care when preparing meals.. taking my time. the journey did encourage me to bring my juicer back out of storage, and reminded me of the importance of bringing my own food to work instead of trying to find something suitable to purchase. that being said, this particular journey wasn't all bad for my health, except for of course spending a total of four days straight on a bus. that can be rough on the digestive system no matter who you are.

the most recent attack on my daily routine has been flipping to the midnight shift. i was just starting to pull myself together again from all that bussing when i was asked to destroy all that was left of the routine that i had to prepare my store for inventory. yuck.. overnights. talk about torture on my guts.. two more weeks to go until i can begin to recover once again, though i am doing all that i can to keep up with it. at least i have more time to work out on this schedule, one more routine piece i can take back to days with me and add to what i have been building on.

one more attack on my routine in a few weeks, i fly out to the dominican for a week to shoot a wedding. all of my meals are included, so here's hoping the resort has a decent vegetarian selection. what i should be doing is building a strategy on how to deal with interruptions to my routine, so that will be my focus for next year's lineup of traveling. this year i've had the opportunity to make a lot of observation. of my self, my environment and lifestyle, and also do some independent research.

good health is something you have to truly want to achieve. once you want it bad enough, doing what needs to be done to achieve that health becomes a part of your nature. it's not an easy transition but with the right support, it can be done. i'm thankful that i have friends to keep pushing me in the right direction, no matter how many times i fall. i've started to get impossible digestion issues under control, and get my energy back that an autoimmune disorder has been stealing from me all my life. now that i'm closer to having a good balance than i ever have been, i can begin to take it to the next level. really push myself.. lose some real weight, build some real muscle, and wake up. i've been too tired for far too long.

off the wagon

so i fell off it, that week i went away to Arkansas.. as i wrote in my last post, i had a hard time keeping up with my healthy habits and supplements. i threw off my routine all together, and now i'm starting over from scratch. not entirely i suppose, at least i have the tools i need to help me, i just need the willpower to get myself back on track.

i think i may have found help.. i have been hired to shoot a wedding in the Dominican sometime in October.. and i'm gonna want to look good. it's almost exactly 4 months away, so this is plenty of time to get in shape, if i can stick with it. at least i haven't neglected the garden...

at least something is thriving! i got back on my equalizer bars for the first time today in a couple weeks. i can feel the burn.. like i started over. being away meant that i didn't have as many fresh options, and i got too used to packaged snacks and not preparing my own meals. i was spoiled! but i can certainly feel that too. my guts are still recovering from eating too much processed food. i will have to remember this for the next time i travel, sticking with the routine no matter where i am is important! how did i stay in such great shape when i spent months on the road?! ahh... i'm getting older.

well i think it's just about time to bust out the juicer, or maybe the blender.. haven't decided yet. so many good things, farmer's market freshness.. i'm happy to be home <3

adding in the good stuff...

kicking bad habits isn't the easiest thing in the world to do. a better method is to add in good habits, and eventually the less beneficial habits will fade. for instance, snacking on junk food. we crave those sugars because our bodies need energy.. and we instantly connect that craving with sweets.if we get what we need from the food that we eat then we are less likely to crave things that aren't very good for us.

my eating habits are not terrible, but there's things i would like to slowly eliminate or cut back hugely on like gluten filled products such as bread and pasta. those and my dairy laden favourites chocolate and cheese, are my ultimate weaknesses. it's really hard to skip on cheese.. but it can be done.

first of all, in order to not feel the urge to snack on things i shouldn't be eating, i must start my day with a filling delicious protein shake blended with some fruit et cetera.. i had decided to try ViSalus for a while, but it is a whey based product which over time started to bother my stomach, so i switched to a product that i had tried before in the past.. a plant based protein blend and nutrient boost called VegaOne. it's a great mix with lots of energy, but i found myself still feeling snacky as i burn a lot of energy at my job. so i found something to add to it to give it more substance, one of my favourite 'superfoods' called Salba. it's basically the same thing as chia seeds, only grown with nutrient density as priority to make a top of the line health food product.

i have a bit of a sweet tooth for chocolate [what chick doesn't?!] so i had been on the hunt for something chocolaty, without being a wrecking ball on my healthy 'diet'.. i found this delicious snack at Bulk Barn by a company called Enjoy Life, it's a double chocolate granola crunch. there's other flavours too, but i wanted to try this one of course. the product is made gluten-free, vegan friendly and free of most common food allergens like soy, milk products, wheat or egg. and to my surprise, it's actually pretty tasty. lots of vitamins, iron, fibre and even protein, and still a dab of sweetness.

anyhoo.. i've more or less cut out fruit juice as well, lots of sugar even if there is no sugar added so i try to drink them occasionally. my replacement is a big icy bottle of water with fresh squeezed lemon juice and a few slices of the lemon itself. in the summer i might add a bit of honey for sweetness, but i like it as is. my taste has changed over the years, i don't feel the need for sweet drinks as much anymore. i hope to change my taste on a few other things, like hopefully not find meat appealing at all.. i try not to eat it but sometimes i'm tempted, and i kick myself for it later. pork is the ultimate enemy. not sure i could ever ditch sushi though!

off to bed.. another long busy week ahead. and hopefully gather more delicious and nutritious additions to my simple better eating agenda. peace!

start somewhere..

i think the hardest part of becoming fit and healthy is the very beginning, that very first step. where to start? well, do something! jumping into a huge diet and/or workout program head on can be overwhelming, and discouraging. i find it's best both physically and mentally to start small.

traditionally, my idea of a good workout would be to strap on a pack and hop a trail somewhere or take off into the unknown. i never... EVER thought i would run. in fact, i could quote myself in the past on numerous occasions saying specifically that i don't run haha.. and here i am.

i'm not a fast runner, not even a little bit. i run slow on purpose. there's a word for that.. google.. oh hey! lookit that, an article that says what i just said, and focused on running.. it's called walk, slog, run; making your way to your first race. oh and the word i was looking for was slogging haha. i'm pretty sure it has some other meaning, but that about describes my pace. check that link though, it describes why it's important to ease into running and how to get started.

today i made it 14 kilometers in a little less that two hours. slow it may be, but the time doesn't much concern me. i like to challenge myself to go a further distance, and train myself to do so more comfortably. i'm pretty new to running if you can't tell, but i do have a good history of long distance trekking under my belt. my first 'run' a couple weeks ago was 7k, and i slowed to a walk pretty often.

each day i tacked on a bit of distance, and now i can go twice as far as when i started.. and, i can do more running [err, slogging?] and less walking. a lot less... and i'm kind of shocked by this. i remember thinking i couldn't run, i remember being unwilling to even try. i'm only just beginning, i wonder how much i can improve into the spring. apparently this is the way to do it, slowly ease into running, doing only what you can, and challenging yourself each run to do better.

i made it a couple bridges further along the canal than i did on my first run, so i snapped a pic of the bridge as i passed it on my way back. the weather was a part of why the run seemed so easy i'm sure, it was fifteen degrees [in January?!] when usually this time of year it's below zero. celsius that is. as if i wasn't already excited for spring.. it's supposed to go back to normal winter temperatures tomorrow. i'll still hit the trail, but i don't know if i'll make the same distance. the ice makes things difficult for running, especially in my shoes haha.

i started small on the diet side of things too. i don't eat a lot of junk to begin with, too broke for that! but being broke can be cause for a not-very-nutritious diet. to make sure i'm at least getting the goods i started using a nutritional supplement by Mannatech called NutriVerus . i have tried other vitamin and supplement products in the past which i will write about, but so far i'm liking this one. also i really cut back on things with gluten in them, and when i get a craving for fruit juice or something sweet i make a big icy bottle of lemon water, and it quenches my thirst without all that fruit sugar.

 that's it for today, later i'll blabber on some more about starting small, different ways to stay motivated, and other types of exercise. and of course how i'm doing with my little 'get healthy' venture, blah blah.. goodnight interwebs!

my first run.

wow it's been years since i've run for the sake of running. when i think of what type of 'athlete' i am, i think of hiking. my idea of a good workout is strapping on a pack loaded with gear and hitting the trail for a few days. in fact, everywhere i go i'm carrying a pack. yesterday, for the first time in a very long time, i left the house with nothing but my house key and my ipod. what a liberating feeling.

it was pretty cold yesterday, windy too. luckily the sun was out to keep me motivated. as soon as i got home from work i suited up for the chill. a good few layers on top, my favourite shpants, and i even busted out the toesocks so i could wear my favourite footwear, the vibram fivefingers. maybe not very stylish, but definitely maximum comfort and flexibility. the temperature was just above freezing, so i had to make sure i kept a good pace to stay warm.

well i'm not the best runner in the world to begin with, and i sure am rusty. i started out mostly with a speedwalk, listening to k-os on my ipod to keep a rhythm. as soon as i was loose enough i'd speed up into a steady jog, and focus on the muscles i'm using to move me forward. as i become winded, i slow back down into a speed walk to cool off for the next dose of jogging. since the temperature is hovering around zero degrees, it's important not to let myself become soaked in sweat to avoid the dangers of hypothermia.

i feel blessed to live so close to such a beautiful path. the welland canal parkway is just a few minutes walk from my house, and most of it is open all year. it's about 52 kilometers long, and runs from port weller to port colborne. it comes with it's very own community of regulars. i've already noticed familiar faces as i usually hit the path about the same time of day.

since it's Canada in january the sun sets pretty early, which means by the time i get to the turn-around point, it's almost completely dark. i'm excited for the spring months, by the time april rolls around i should be in better shape and able to go further to enjoy more of the path in the light of day. but for now, here's the view where i stop to turn around..

it's a pretty cool spot just under the skyway. i stopped at the bench to stretch it out before heading back to the homebase. on my second run today i made better time. spent more time at an actual jog rather than just speedwalking most of the way. as i build my strength and regain my lung capacity i will be able to push it further. for now i only push myself just a little past my comfort zone before easing off. i already feel better about myself, and get a better nights rest. so far so good.