The [gravity] struggle

It's difficult sometimes to explain to someone who has never had weight challenges, what it feels like to be overweight. My loving, amazing partner comes from a family of eaters, most of which are also overweight. He tells me all the time that my weight doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts. But what he forgets is how all that weight makes me feel on the inside.

...

Stress and depression are the two main factors in weight gain for me. If I land myself in a very stressful situation, my body retains fat. It's a defense mechanism of being in 'survival mode'. When I suddenly became homeless 2 and a half years ago [again] it was unexpected, and it put a lot of stress on my mind and body. I slowly started to retain the weight.

I remained in survival mode for so long it became difficult to switch it off. I kept gaining the weight even after finding a home, which stressed me out even more. I'd eat to numb the stress, which made me gain more weight. And the vicious cycle throws me into a landslide.

...

So back to my point. In the past two and a half years, I've gained 60 pounds. This put me well over 200 pounds, which some people find hard to believe.

I went ladder shopping for work, and a fella tried to sell me a cheaper ladder that was on sale for a third of the price of the one I was looking at, but I nearly exceeded the weight limit. When I pointed to the sticker and said I needed a stronger ladder, he looked me up and down and said, "is the ladder for yourself?" ... yes. Yes and I nearly exceed the limit on this ladder.

He told me if that's so, I certainly carry it well. I'm told that all the time when people hear what I weigh. Including my doctor. The fact that I don't look like I weigh over 200, or that I "carry it well" doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm still carrying it!

Imagine walking into a grocery store, and you don't get a shopping cart. The first thing you go for is a 10lb bag of potatoes. Now you walk around with that bag for quite some time, and go back and slowly pick up 5 more. You can never put them down.

Those 6 ten pound bags of potatoes are now putting extra pressure on your feet.. on your ankles and knees. One of those bags lives on your chest, making it hard to breathe when you're trying to sleep. They're getting in the way of performing everyday activities. Carrying all that extra weight causes a lot of pain and discomfort over time, and does damage of it's own.

When I explained this to my wonderful, supportive, rail thin partner, he finally got what I was talking about. Now he really understands why I'm being so adamant about dropping the weight, why my feet always hurt and I'm exhausted after work. And ultimately why being so overweight makes me depressed and uncomfortable.

I'm so thankful that he's on board 100% with helping me lose the weight. For the first year that we've lived here and worked the same schedule, we would come home and he'd do any general maintenance on the yard or house our vehicle while I prepared dinner. But it was always a dinner "for him" that I would end up eating too.

The past week or so I have been juicing for dinner, and it takes time and prep and cleanup, and he's had no issues cooking the "real meals" while I make my batch of juice. He knows that I love cooking for him, but until I master my new healthy routine, he might have to do the cooking for a while. And he's quite alright with that.

He can see that it's paying off. In the past 3 weeks of eating cleaner and adding the juice, I've almost put down one full bag of those potatoes. I feel a little better already. My knees are thanking me (and it's a little easier to do up my pants!).

This is just the beginning. I have 5.2 bags of potatoes left to get rid of, and I'm getting there. Thanks again for reading, and for your love and support. And remember, if you're on a similar journey and you need a little motivation, I'm here for you too!


xo

5 pounds down..

53 to go. And when your monthly trend has been an increase of 4 or 5 pounds, losing five is an amazing feeling. My current weight is 218, down from 223, with a goal of 165. It's a reasonable goal that would put me at a size 8 pant, and is my optimal weight for performance and strength.

So, what have I done differently? First, no sugar. I've cut out pretty much all processed foods besides the occasional gluten free bread toasted veggie sandwich, and my vegan protein powder that gets mixed into my morning smoothies.

I've also been doing my best to drink more water. I've cut out fruit juices, I never drink soda, and if I want something warm I'll opt for a rooibos or green and peppermint tea sweetened with local non pasteurized honey. In order to make water easier to drink (and more hydrating), I add a shot of organic lemon juice, and a splash of coconut water. Bam, naturally flavored water!

For me, diet is the number one factor when it comes to losing weight. My system simply can not deal with processed, artificial food-like substances. Even though I am well aware of this, I had slipped back into the trap. I was eating whatever I could get for cheap that would keep well, not considering the damage it would cause.

 When I'm craving sweets, I reach for a fruit. I keep apples and bananas on hand for when my body screams for sugar. The trick to this and not going for unhealthy junk food is simple- don't buy the junk. Don't even have it in the house. Living half an hour from the nearest grocery store helps me with this.. and of course, making my partner well aware of my healthy intentions.

Otherwise, I haven't really been doing much different. My next big step is to get more exercise in my day. I've been exhausted lately now that I'm finally back to work, and when I come home aching, it's hard to find the motivation. I'm trying to train myself to wake up earlier so I cam include a half hour routine before work.

Well, that's where I'm at. I have re-proven to myself that something as simple as eating a more natural diet and avoiding sugar makes a big difference on it's own. This week I will start waking up 45 minutes earlier to make an attempt at a morning workout routine. Happy Sunday!

10k30 challenge: week 1

Starting a new routine can be a challenge. In my case I'm attempting to get back to my old healthy habits that I know work, and the most effective way I find to do so, is to publicly challenge myself. It's accountability, and motivation. I tell everyone I can what I'm doing, so if they catch me slipping they can call me out, and cheer me on when I nail it. My partner thankfully does exactly that, as do many of my friends and family back home. So anyways, that's why I let everyone know about it. The reason for the challenge though, is repeating these actions daily for any decent length of time helps me to incorporate them into my everyday life- long term. If I've managed to take my ten thousand steps every day for thirty days in a row, then I know surely this can be an everyday thing. I do the same thing with my diet, if I'm doing a juice fast, I let everyone know I'm doing it [and why].

My utter lack of fitness really hit me when my partner had his kids come to visit. The kids wanted to bike down the road while we followed on foot. I realized how winded I was and we hadn't even made it to the end of the road.. it was almost a breakdown moment considering I used to hike miles of rugged terrain carrying a pack from 30 to 60 pounds depending on the season for days or weeks on end. Right now, I don't think I could even hike the smallest one of these hills out here without collapsing in pain and exhaustion.

When I first moved out west I'd lucked out on having a place to crash in East Van. No matter where you walk in that city, you're on a hill and in a matter of time, you get used to it. I did a lot of walking in Vancouver, and thankfully I was still carrying my fitbit at the time to reflect that. 25-40 thousand steps a day wasn't uncommon, and without even thinking about it. Even after my roof collapsed and I lived in a pickup truck for half a year [and on a couch for the other half ] I still managed to get enough exercise whether I was collecting firewood or working in the city. Now that I have a home again and in the country this time, driving to get places.. my step count had dropped drastically. But I didn't notice without my step counter, eventually the scale tipped me off.

...

Day 1: it was effing cold. Winter winds were whipping through the valley, but I strapped on my shoes and got out there. My face was a little frozen but I loved it, it felt good to be out there moving. It's pretty easy to get cooped up inside in colder months and stagnate, especially outside the city. I had found my fitbit in my basket of stuff that I haven't touched for a couple of years. I had been wearing it for a week before I started this challenge to observe what my patterns are like now... I was horrified to see that my average for that week was maybe 6 thousand steps a day, my lowest being just over three thousand. No wonder I was winded trying to walk briskly to the end of my road.

Day 3: I was really lucky that I had started on a long weekend because I could get into a step routine during daylight hours before having to get out there in the dark. This time of year there's only 8 good hours of daylight which can be demotivating at times. By day 3 I was out of bed and ready to get stepping before the sun. I felt excited to get out there and make it down to the creek [at the end of the road] so that I could adventure around in the woods before my walk back. I had been brisk walking that way every day, and also 'slow running' to the other end [a shorter distance] and back daily to make my quota.

Day 5: by the fifth day, I'm starting to get tired. I'm back to work and making time to get the rest of my steps in after, and keeping house and making it happen... but I'm tired. No above and beyond, but I did complete my goal.

Day 7: still tired, but starting to get my second wind. I only have Sunday off this weekend as opposed to the long weekend I started with. I got up early this morning to get my steppin' on before doing a half day at work, and it was a beautiful morning to get outside.

...

It's now the morning of day 9, and I'm sitting here writing while I wait for the rain to slow down. I've been pulling out the scale every couple of days to check if my weight has changed, and I have seen my weight go down 2 pounds and back up one. That's far better than a steady increase, like what has been happening this past year. I have only made minimal changes to my diet in the past week, doing my best to avoid breads and pasta, margarine and cheese, and chips and sweets. I've been brewing my own tea with honey and almond milk instead of grabbing Timmies, and having a smoothie with fruits and Vega to get me going and keep me satiated all morning. I'm hoping to squeeze in a 2 day juice fast the next time I have two days off, so I'm preparing myself for that as well.

That's about all I have to say for today, I'm going to do some kitchen calisthenics while I wait out the rain. Thanks for reading! And a huge thank you for cheering me on. I will get there, one step at a time. Cheers back at ya!

things falling apart.

okay. alright... so the last time i hit this blog was in december of 2014, about six months after my life started falling apart. i promised i wouldn't let it all get to me, and i called myself out for slipping. here i am again, starting over. not right from scratch, i'm certainly not back to the state of dis-ease i was in back in 2012/13. but if i keep on this path i'll be back there in no time. i can feel unpleasant things unraveling inside me. and the weight is a sure sign of the sickness, my body always does a good job of showing me on the outside when shit just ain't right within.

so, where am i at? i'm not entirely sure to be honest. i lost my scale on one of the several moves the past year and a half. my jeans do not fit me arse. my guts aren't working right. my hip has been mildly disjointed for quite a few weeks now and it's getting uncomfortable. i have a doc's appointment tomorrow to find out what's all up with my thyroid function, and hopefully get on my way to seeing some specialists about some things. i haven't really managed to stay put anywhere for very long since i moved west a couple years ago, and i think that has had a huge impact on my ability to maintain my physical health. i get frustrated when i'm on the move trying to accommodate to uppity diet restrictions and fitness routines. which shouldn't actually be as much a problem as it is, but unfortunately our society gives zero fucks about what it consumes and how it lives so i'm far too often left to choose the lesser of various evils when it comes to eating. things are changing in that realm, very slowly, but it's happening.

for the most part, this blog has been reserved for keeping track of my physical health, and i haven't made much mention of the mental side of things. if you already know me, you know that mental health issues a] run in my family, and b] have been a part of my every day life since i was a wee one. my mental health i have been less willing to address medically, mostly because of my blatant lack of trust in western medicine, especially regarding these kinds of things. brain chemistry isn't something that i like the idea of messing with. but, it's a thing. and another aspect of my health that i have to take responsibility for. i will admit, when i was doing all that i could physically to support this vessel, i was doing far better mentally than i ever was in my past, and i know that by addressing one side of things it will help the other. this time though i have to take a sort of backwards approach to find the mental motivation to take better care of myself physically.

so i gotta start where i'm at with what i've got. i have a steady place to stay right now which is rad. makes sleep and cooking and hygiene much more of a thing. i have my nutribullet smoothie machine, a hand crank masticating juicer i gotta pull out of storage, some space to do some stretches, and a produce market store right across the street. i gotta reset my system, ease in as to not go into shock and fall over. i have to find the right amount of calories for what i do for a living without eating anything that hurts. the way i did this last time was start swapping out components for cleaner options and figure out how much of that food is needed to make it up. i need a lot of calories especially in the colder months, and decent hydration. oh, and i have this blog. sooo thankful i kept track of things. i know i can do this again, and better.

one thing that i don't have and wish i did, is the garden space. i was spoiled back home with a quarter acre to do with what i pleased, and it turned to a sweet little camp surrounded by epic food gardens. the produce was abundant and delicious sun fresh. i am grateful to have access to a wee balcony, which my flat mate and i are attempting to turn into a mini food jungle.

oh ya! and how many times have i quit smoking now? like 6? haha. i'm kind of that path again, i've been smoking on the weekends and vaping during the week for a month or so. i'm just about ready to drop the cigs completely. i feel kinda strange about replacing them with a vape instead of going cold turkey, but i know myself and the act of smoking is just as addictive as the nicotine. for now at least, i need that thing to do. with that little bit of nicotine in the juice.

...

my challenge for 2016 is still a health challenge, just one without numbers. i don't have a weight loss goal [although i'll certainly lose some], i'm not as concerned about inches, i'll know i'm there when my clothes fit again. there's that little black dress.. [not even shitting, i own but one 'dress', it's black, and rad, and i will get into it again].

i just want to feel better. i want my guts to stop hurting. and bleeding. and my joints to hold together right. and my head not to hurt all the bloody time. and my hip.. i want to be able to climb a hill and take a breath at the top of it. be a part of the world around me and fully enjoy it without some sort of stabbing/throbbing/annoying pain. and have the energy to get excited about it! and feel like i deserve it, i suppose that's key. i just want to be me.

so that's what i'm gonna do. one step, two...

it's over due.

xo

be the change, drink the juice.

something strange is happening.. more like something awesome! this challenge has become more than just my own. i started this blog in january of 2013 with the idea that publicly noting my journey to find health would keep me on track. well, it's working. i can honestly say that after everything i've tried, triumphs and defeats, i may have given up long ago if i didn't make a point of sharing it all.

 it hasn't been an easy journey, that's the truth. but it's getting better. the reality is, there isn't a magic pill or quick diet or cleanse that will fix all of my problems or lose all of my extra pounds. it takes a lifestyle change, an attitude alteration, and dedication to finding true health. i wasn't always the most motivated person in the world, nor the best educated on the subject of nutrition. after a year and a half of reading, researching, and trying different things, i am finally on the right path to what works best for me.

now back to the challenge. people around me are starting to notice a difference.. maybe even more than i have seen in myself. i've lost 18 pounds since the beginning of 2014, and i have a lot more energy [and a lot less tummy aches] than ever. naturally, people want to know what i'm doing and they want to try too.

for quite some time now, i've known what i needed to do. but i always had excuses like i'm too broke to eat well, or i don't have time or any means to prepare a decent meal. when really i could have been prioritizing my money [and my time] better, and being more resourceful with the tools i had available to me. i have less of a 'kitchen' now than i ever have in an established dwelling, yet i prepare [and grow!] more of my own food these days than i have my whole life. and by prepare i don't mean pop a microwave dinner in the nuke or boil up some KD, i mean using fresh ingredients from scratch.

a couple years ago i started collecting things to jumpstart into a more healthy lifestyle like a juicer and a blender and planted a garden in the yard. after a few months the juicer became too much of a hassle, the blender lost it's appeal, and the garden didn't fair so well. this cycle repeated for a few years, each year saw improvements.

finally something clicked inside of me. i decided it was time to take responsibility for my self and my own health. i do have a choice in the matter, i can choose to live a healthier lifestyle, or i can choose to keep putting it off and slowly accumulate various health discomforts. today, i choose health. and yesterday, and hopefully a bunch of tomorrows too.

early in the year i blew the dust off the juicer and got right back into it. i fed my mind with all of the information about the benefits of juicing raw vegetables, and the idea became more appealing. eventually the vegetables that once tasted bitter to me juiced have mellowed out. cucumber simply tastes like freshness now, and celery is barely noticeable beside the hint of ginger and lime. this time around, instead of jumping right into hardcore veggie juicing, i started with the apples and added in the veg. now the only fruit i use is an apple or two and a bit of lemon lime to zest it up and keep it fresh.

every day in the lunch room, someone asks what i'm drinking. and i tell them! some are grossed out at the idea of pressed veggies, some are intrigued, and some even ask for a taste. this keeps me conscious every morning when i'm packing my lunch bag what i'm going to take.. am i making healthy choices? can i really make it to first break without my super smoothie? i know i don't feel like making juice right now [five in the morning], but do i really want to go all day without it? nah. i might be tired some days [not all days anymore] but i know it's worth it to do this for myself. it makes me feel better. and every week or so, the scale moves a notch towards my goal.

it's starting to catch on.

people that i work with are picking up on these healthy habits, and trying them on for size. even my parents who in recent years were more health savvy than i, have taken interest in this juicy new facet of my life. i love hearing the reports on others' juicing and nutribullet-ing adventures. especially the parts where they notice a positive change in their health, and on the scale. it's nice to have friends to take this journey with me, the more the merrier. if i can inspire others to be more conscious of their own health by drinking a big ol' jar of juice every day, then it's already too good to stop.

be the change... drink the juice!

tips and tricks to stay on track.

as i said in my last post, having the right attitude is key to changing my lifestyle. i've had to collect a few ideas to help me keep on a path to better health, as the journey isn't easy. here are a few things i'm doing to stay focused, maybe some of these tips will work for you!

1] tell someone about your goals [blog it!]
i think one of the best things i've done to keep myself focused was start this blog. not only so that i have something for myself to look back on, but to put myself out there and be 'public' about my challenge. i find that letting someone know that you've set a resolution or a goal for yourself ups your possibility of success. for myself i'm more likely to keep up on something if i let others know i'm doing it. lets take smoking for example..

i've been smoking off and on for years, and especially more so when i spent a couple of years on the night shift. i tried quitting on my own, and it didn't last for long. i tried quitting with my partner at that time, and as soon as they picked it up again so did i. when i got off the shift unfortunately i didn't leave the habit  behind, so in the fall of 2o12 i made it my goal to be smoke free by spring 2o13. i told everyone at work, and so.. i quit.. mostly. i'd still have one here and there, but after 'quitting' i could really feel the difference after having a smoke versus not having one. finally, in autumn of 2o13 i kicked the habit for good. i realized that the mild calming effect smoking had on me wasn't anywhere near worth the damage it was doing. i am slowly coming to the same point of realization with kicking the habit of eating processed foods.

2] write it down.
no matter what it is that i want to accomplish, i find i'm much more likely to achieve the goals that i have written down. seemingly even if i forget to look back over what i wrote until some time later, when i do find what i had written it seems it had already come true. as if the act of putting thoughts into words is the very first step of putting them into action.

i'm sort of using this blog to cover the first and second point, so that what i've written is accessible no matter where i am. not only do i like to write down what my ambitions are, but also my achievements. keeping track of things like how many reps or kilometers allows me to look back and see how i've improved. a big wall calendar can be handy for this. i just got one that i keep on the wall facing my bedroom door. i see it every morning when i walk out my door, which will help me to stick to my routine. something else that can help with all this..

3] there's an app for that!
yea, i gave in to the world of smartphones about a year ago, just so many functions and uses i couldn't resist any longer. there's a huge selection of smartphone apps that can help keep track of all of those things from caloric and nutrient intake, to exercise and distances covered. there's even types of bluetooth step counters the size of a little jump drive that tracks everything you do and when you do it, right down to your heart rate when you're asleep. i haven't quite jumped on that bandwagon yet, but it may be a future investment.

 right now i'm using an app that allows me to keep track of my intake [food, water etc] and my output [exercise, calories burned, time spent/distance traveled etc.] and it has a summary screen where i can view each day as a list. it's important to be honest here, because 'cheating' isn't hurting anyone but yourself. when i look back over my list for the day and i see something i don't like [maybe i had a few unhealthy snacks or didn't get enough exercise] then i can pinpoint what to focus on for the next day.

4] be prepared.
if it's worth it, chances are it ain't easy. but when it comes to building healthy habits, being prepared helps me to ease into a workout or preparing a batch of juice. to help with focusing on the workout i have dedicated a space in my apartment where the mat is always ready and my equipment is accessible. by doing so i'm more likely to make use of it instead of thinking "ahh dang everything i need right now is packed away" and procrastinating.

being prepared helps me in the kitchen too. juicing was hard for me to get into at first because of all the prep work involved. one thing that i have done to make it easier is keep my juicer in an accessible [and visible] location so that i don't have to dig for parts to get it set up. i keep all of the little bits for it in an easy to maneuver bucket that i can pull from bit by bit to assemble, and then put everything back in one piece at a time after when i take it apart and clean it. after a few times of assembly and dis-assembly, it's starting to become sort of a reflex and it doesn't take me nearly as long as it did when i started.

5] make it a mantra [and be grateful!]
i mentioned in the last point that juicing takes a lot of prep work, so to help me get through cutting up all that fruit and veg i have made it a mantra. first i gather and rinse everything that i want to use, and i assume a pose in front of the cutting board that is like 'mountain pose' which helps me focus on my posture. i then begin with say, the apples, half them, quarter them, slice out the core, done. and as i do this for each the motion becomes a meditation and each cut a part of a rhythm. i think to myself for each piece of food how grateful i am to have it to consume and improve my health. cut, breathe.. before i know it, everything is cut and ready to go!

this works with a lot of things, especially things that can seem daunting like getting into chores or organizing my belongings. i make a mantra out of seemingly menial tasks at work, focusing just as much on how i carry myself or bend or stretch when i'm moving about my job.

6] add in the goodness instead of restricting the 'bad'
i think one of the biggest reasons why people fail at attempting to lose weight or get in shape or change their lifestyle is the fact that they jump right in instead of easing in gradually. especially for changing eating habits.. it's a lot easier to start by simply adding better meal choices into your diet instead of thinking 'no i can't have all of these things, just that'. this actually works.. i'm in the process of perfecting my nutritional intake by means of this very method. eventually consuming so many good nutritious things starts to crowd out cravings for not-so-nutritious snacks.

in the beginning it's hard to imagine living a whole day without sugar or a chocolate bar or white bread or whatever, but as i started to add in the goodness i also started to lose my taste for processed foods. adding real nutrition may taste offish at first [ie fruit sugar versus refined sugar products] but once my body started to get used to what real sugars taste like, eating sugars in processed foods no longer tastes as irresistible as it once did. every once in a while i'll give in and have a snack that i know is totally horrible for me but from what i remember tastes amazing, i'll get half way through it and realize that it doesn't really taste as good as i remember. especially with bottled pasteurized juice, this rarely satisfies my thirst anymore, and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. i've even lost my taste for things i never thought i'd get over like salty pretzels [and other wheat products] and 'fake cheese products'.

7] find support.
this task has proven to be one of the more difficult ones for me, it's not always easy to reach out in a time of need but i believe that it is essential. many people hire personal trainers or a life coach to find the support they need, but not everyone [including myself] can afford that. it can be as easy as looking to a sibling or spouse or a good friend. having a mentor or just someone to talk to through such a transition can lighten the load. it's important to choose someone that has already gone down a similar path, and is willing to talk sense into you at points when you feel like giving up. i'm lucky enough to have a supportive partner who helps to keep me positive and even joins me in enjoying healthier food choices. and of course, there's always internet groups and online forums. finding a group of like-minded individuals working towards a common goal can be an immense amount of help.

8] act now.
procrastination has been at often times my worst enemy. i'm the type of person that will over analyze everything to bits and just sit there trying to figure out if something is good for me instead of just giving it a try. i think i waited a good few months between thinking running might be a good idea, and actually starting to run. i wish i would have just given it a try as soon as it came to mind, but it now serves as a lesson.

when it comes to improving my health, doing something is absolutely better than doing nothing. there shouldn't be at any point in my life a time where i can complain of being 'bored', and i have made a point of it. now whenever i'm sitting idle i think to myself, what could i be doing right now to improve the quality of my life or overall health? within a few moments ideas will appear. well, i could pop in that yoga dvd and stretch it out for an hour, or maybe organize my seed collection and start picking things i want to grow, or maybe just put on my headphones and go for a brisk walk. things like that. there's always lots to be done.

9] make it a hobby and have fun.
working towards better health doesn't have to be gruelling, which i suppose is the overall idea for this blog. instead of viewing exercise or preparing healthy foods as a chore, i view working towards better health as more of a 'hobby' to keep me interested. i found myself nerding out in a conversation about juicers at work today, and when i realized what was happening it made me smile. i now get excited over things like finding more nutrient packed 'superfoods' or discovering a new yoga position that relieves pressure off an achy joint. it's almost like playing a video game, leveling up, collecting health and building strength, only yknow.. in real life! my life!

10] challenge yourself.
when i started running, i could only go 7km tops in a day. by the time i'd dropped it due to joint issues i was pushing out nearly 20k on my runs.. i'd push myself a little further each day. i never saw myself as a runner, not even for a jog around the block. it's just never appealed to me, i much preferred a good climb up a steep escarpment trail. i shocked myself the first time i ran right into the next town, i smiled for days at the achievement. and it all started when i started this blog a year ago, the Sage Thrive Challenge. i wanted to do something new and truly challenge myself. without a good challenge there can be no true progress.

11]be adventurous!
and never say never. it can be a challenge in itself to keep an open mind about my health, and we are often taught that if it isn't a pill then it won't fix you. truth is, our bodies are capable of healing themselves and function optimally when they have what they need, and aren't being constantly toxified and stressed. so our mission is to figure out what those things are, and apply the knowledge. mild food sensitivities can cause a ton of different uncomfortable symptoms which are then treated with medicines we don't really need. everyone's body is unique and it's up to us as individuals to figure it out. this may result in a need for an all-out lifestyle change, but with an open mind and a sense of adventure, it can actually be fun!

well that's all i've collected for now, and it even took me a few days to write it all out. i'm sure as i go along the list will change and grow. on a side note, as a new challenge i signed up for a gym for the first time in my life... pre-opening rates, 4 weeks till it opens. so excited!!!

20thirteen

i suppose when i started this blog i had this idea in my head that if i kept tabs on myself here, it'd motivate me more than ever to find my health. i wasn't wrong, i guess i just thought it would happen faster. at least it's happening.. i've only lost a few pounds this year, i think weight loss was the expectation that makes me feel like i haven't gotten anywhere. truly though, i have. as if to apply permaculture principles to my own health, i had to take the time to observe, to truly see myself and what it is i do that keeps me in a state of dis-ease. genetic predisposition is only a small part of it. it is completely possible to live a healthy life, it just requires a little more care than for those un-predisposed.

stress does some incredible things to the body. it can show in countless physical symptoms, it can keep you fat [or make you lose weight], it can make you sick [even so far as to create ulcers], and it can most certainly mess up your sleep cycle. after this long, fully encompassing observation period, i have come to realize that the stresses i have put myself under in my everyday life most likely has a lot to do with why i have a hard time staying healthy.

now that doesn't mean i'm going to stop doing everything i'm doing because it all creates stress, it simply means that i have to find ways of alleviating that stress, or not experience a stress response to my daily life in the first place. attitude is key. now that i am aware of the unnecessary emotional hells i have put myself through due to situations in or beyond my control, i can stop myself before i let things affect me negatively. instead of getting upset about something right away i remember to breathe. the trick is that usually after three deep, calm breaths the stress response will start to dissipate quickly. getting angry, upset or stressed out is never a good way for me to deal with things.

i feel like i'm finally beginning to get all of my ducks into a row. i know what helps and doesn't help, what i can handle and what i can't, and how to push myself. i had all year to see what works for me, and a chance to work through accepting what does not. i have collected all of the tools that i need to have a better diet, and have been slowly introducing them forming habits and rituals. this is key to building a healthier lifestyle. trends are bad, they fade.. but habits, even healthy ones are hard to break. and rituals... now that is just sacred. life is sacred. i'll do my best to make a ritual of everything.

finding strength.

i never gave up so to speak.. but i have been discouraged. the weight that i lost in the beginning of the year ended up mostly coming back, though i must be patient because i am building muscle as i work out. it's hard to forget about the numbers sometimes, especially when they've been so high for so long.

there's no scale in my house anymore, but i do check when i go to the local health food store. they have a selection of digital scales available for customer use. i stepped on and said 'yes! 193!'. the manager did a double take and asked 'how much?!' apparently she was in disbelief that i weighed that much. 'well you carry it very, very well dear' she says. i'm sure i'd be 20 pounds lighter if i wasn't endowed with so much weight on my chest.

i've managed to stay on top of my morning routine of blending up a booster smoothie first thing to get me going, and taking the natural supplements designed to support my sluggish thyroid. that finicky little gland is partially responsible for this mess, even when i eat right and get exercise it's terribly hard to keep the weight off. the fact that my weight has gone down a few pounds this year instead of up several is a miracle, and also a motivation. i have gained on average 7 pounds a year since high school, no matter what i did to fight it. well now i'm taking it to the next level, and slowly changing my entire lifestyle to reflect the good health i wish to experience. health isn't something you make time for occasionally, it is your daily life.

it's been rough keeping up with working out, monitoring everything i eat, and managing to get done in a day everything i need to do. having a bunk thyroid zaps the energy right out of you and once inertia sets in it's hard to get back on track and into motion. i just have to find the strength to get back on my feet even when i'd rather take a nap, and push myself to keep moving. finally, it's starting to pay off.

there's only four months left to this year, and honestly i thought i would have made more progress by now. i'm not disappointed though, because there's only four months left to this year, and even though i haven't made the progress i thought i might, i'm still trying. one day at a time..

building healthy habits.

so i haven't posted all month, but i have managed to build a pretty solid morning routine. ever since i got my brand new NutriBullet i have made it a habit to make myself a 'fast food breakfast'. i use Salba chia as a boost, sometimes some hemp protein. i have to get more into adding greens though, at least i have the motion down pat.

another thing i am working on is trying to re-eliminate meat from my diet. i was doing so well and i started eating meat again when i got back to traveling. i'm so bad for that.. i have to learn to maintain healthy habits when i travel, or some up with alternatives and plan ahead.

i have found some inspiration in the world of reads that has challenged me to look deeper into what i eat, at the same time thinking of the big picture. if you want some motivation to truly change your diet [and your life!] i highly reccomend the book Whole by T. Colin Campbell. he is very blunt, and a veteran in nutritional science. besides longing for the health of my youth, this has been a driving force for me to succeed in this challenge.

i have found comfort in things like mushrooms and potatoes, and my boosts like chia and hemp. i also do my best to always have water on hand, i use a brita filter water bottle instead of drinking straight from the tap or wasting plastic drinking bottled water. i don't even enjoy the taste of bottled water, all i taste is the plastic it's packaged in.

that's it for now, otherwise i've been pretty occupied with the Permaculture style food garden, especially since being slammed with a pretty intense storm. lots of work needed to be done to get the garden back up off of the ground, and there's still more yet to do. i must be conscious of the heat though, and staying hydrated during the annual heat wave.

fast food breakfast

now when i say fast food, i don't mean a mcmuffin and a coffee.. i mean real, fast, food! as long as i have had a home/kitchen i have had a magic bullet in it, i swear by this little blender for providing fast liquid meals. my brand new toy, the NutriBullet is the same idea with twice the power!

in just a couple of minutes you can peel a banana, add a handful of fresh or frozen berries, and a 'boost'.. i tend to use Salba brand chia seeds, or some hemp protein powder, or both. for a green start, begin with a handful of kale pulled away from the spine, and blend with half a cup of juice or water to create a green 'base' to add the rest of your ingredients to. it's important to have enough liquid for your blender to work properly, so i try to use something delicious and healthy like coconut water, almond milk or pure orange juice.

there are a bazillion and a half smoothie recipes out there, for all kinds of tastes and diets and meals. for a more filling smoothie today i let some oats soak in some almond milk for half an hour before blending it in to the smoothie. this made for a super thick smoothie with added grains that will keep me full half of the day. the point is, smoothies are fast, and can be both healthy and delicious, and are a much wiser choice to start the day than waffles or a bowl of sugar cereal. i'm doing my best to incorporate a nice smooth meal once or twice a day to get all the nutrients and energy i need to keep up with the gardening and exercise, so far so good!

off the wagon

so i fell off it, that week i went away to Arkansas.. as i wrote in my last post, i had a hard time keeping up with my healthy habits and supplements. i threw off my routine all together, and now i'm starting over from scratch. not entirely i suppose, at least i have the tools i need to help me, i just need the willpower to get myself back on track.

i think i may have found help.. i have been hired to shoot a wedding in the Dominican sometime in October.. and i'm gonna want to look good. it's almost exactly 4 months away, so this is plenty of time to get in shape, if i can stick with it. at least i haven't neglected the garden...

at least something is thriving! i got back on my equalizer bars for the first time today in a couple weeks. i can feel the burn.. like i started over. being away meant that i didn't have as many fresh options, and i got too used to packaged snacks and not preparing my own meals. i was spoiled! but i can certainly feel that too. my guts are still recovering from eating too much processed food. i will have to remember this for the next time i travel, sticking with the routine no matter where i am is important! how did i stay in such great shape when i spent months on the road?! ahh... i'm getting older.

well i think it's just about time to bust out the juicer, or maybe the blender.. haven't decided yet. so many good things, farmer's market freshness.. i'm happy to be home <3

Equalizer workout, and tobacco free!

heyhey!! yea so i'm bad at this blogging thing. i've been keeping busy, and keeping up with my challenge.. and what a challenge it has been. i still hit up my runs, but not for as long as i had been. unfortunately the motion has taken it's toll on my hips. i wonder if maybe running will be easier on my body once i lose some more weight, which has been the biggest part of this challenge.

i have officially been cigarette free for one month today! i feel better. i'm kind of sensitive to the smoke now, as in if someone is smoking in a closed space with me it chokes me out.. but i'm fine standing in the smoke hole at work and not lighting one up. i am commended daily for my willpower, as most of my peers know how hard of a time i had last year trying to quit.

the diet portion of my challenge is going so-so, i have successfully added many healthy things to my daily routine such as NutriVerus by Mannatech, and white chia by Salba. the month that i went without my Mannatech was a horrible, sluggish month for me. i truly realized how much of an impact this product has had on my overall energy levels, as it helps to support thyroid function, something i have had issues with all my life. as for the chia, talk about keeping you regular! i also take fish oil, and another Mannatech product called Plus, which is an amino acid supplement.

that being said, it's not all supplements that i survive off of, although i love the looks i get at lunch when i'm mixing scoops of chia seeds into my applesauce. i have been doing my best to incorporate more whole foods and fresh fruit and vegetables during my work hours. i have no problem with this at home but i do spend a lot of time on the move, and it's hard not to reach for convenience food at times. now that i have quit cigarettes i know i have the willpower. i set a date and i did it. i think now i will set a date to phase out the few processed foods that i do still consume, with a few minor exceptions. perhaps i should make this my birthday gift to myself and set the date for tuesday! ..my 28th birthday.

on that note i know i must be doing something right, i'm turning 28 and i still get carded any time i go into a bar [even though i don't drink!] i just look that young. i had to pull out ID to buy cigarettes too, but those days are long past :)

anyways, i found something incredibly awesome that makes working out actually enjoyable, and very challenging too. a friend at work recommended the Lebert Equalizer workout system and after hearing her stories of finding muscles she never knew she had, and then watching some of the videos, i knew this was exactly what i needed.

a Canadian born product, the Equalizer system is such a simple concept yet incredibly versatile. it is simply two bars, shaped sort of similar to hurdles, that you can use to assist you in a bazillion different exercises and stretches, and very effectively use your own body weight as resistance. the fact that they are easy to maneuver makes exercises that i would typically have a hard time with much easier to perform. like push ups and pull ups for instance.. when i was young i broke my wrists and i find it incredibly painful to hold them in certain positions like flat against the floor to push up, or straight across as to grip a bar for a pull up. i won't be making my own videos any time soon to demonstrate, but i do highly recommend checking out their website and YouTube videos for workout ideas, the possibilities are endless. and man are my muscles ever sore, i've never felt the burn like this before!

i placed my order for these badboys last saturday and they were shipped by tuesday. likely because they are only a few towns over, but either way, very fast service and an excellent product. even though i am certainly sore after a routine with these things, it is not discouraging. they are just so much fun to experiment with, theres a million different ways i can challenge myself and easily focus on specific muscle groups that i want to work on. i have made time for a workout three days out of the past four and i am excited to hit them again today. the challenge now is not to overdo it, quite the switch up from trying to make time. and i don't even mind working out with these things in front of the boyfriend, when before i wouldn't do workouts while he was home. they are a confidence builder as well as a muscle builder and resistance trainer! excellent! and highly recommended for anyone who finds standard workouts too challenging and discouraging. kudos Lebert!

drink more water!

i used to drink water obsessively, but the past couple years i have been more on to tea, juice and the occasional coffee. water can be hard to drink a lot of, some people don't stomach it well.. and it can get kinda boring. that being said, it can be difficult to get our daily quota of water intake.

i know there's those flavour packets, but i can't stand artificial sweetner, and i always found them kind of counter productive anyways.. it's not really water anymore, it's sugar-free koolaid. i think the best idea i have ever come across to get me to drink more water is to add lemon.

i've been getting more creative with it lately, using a mason jar as a shaker cup i'd add ice, frozen berries, the juice of half a lemon [fresh is always better than bottled lemon juice] and water.

the bf discovered these fruit infusion water cups at walmart and picked a couple up.. they have a screw off lid, a built in straw that can be removed to clean, a basket to hold your fruit, and a soft rubber lid for the top of the basket. all pieces come apart for easy cleaning. the basket holds the fruit together so we can get more infusions out of a batch of fruit.

adding fruit to our water greatly increases our daily water intake, especially in colder weather when the urge to drink water decreases. it also cuts back on drinking too much fruit juice, and keeps Matt [the bf] out of the sugary pop.

opting for water over other beverages is a good healthy habit to maintain. i absolutely must get enough water when i'm jogging or working out especially.. i love to rehydrate with a big glass of lemon water. i do it mostly because i enjoy the taste, but there are some health benefits to drinking lemon water as well. it helps your body to cleanse, keeps your tummy happy and helps to hydrate you better among many other things. and it's yummy! i almost finished the cup in the time that it took me to write this post..