The [gravity] struggle

It's difficult sometimes to explain to someone who has never had weight challenges, what it feels like to be overweight. My loving, amazing partner comes from a family of eaters, most of which are also overweight. He tells me all the time that my weight doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts. But what he forgets is how all that weight makes me feel on the inside.

...

Stress and depression are the two main factors in weight gain for me. If I land myself in a very stressful situation, my body retains fat. It's a defense mechanism of being in 'survival mode'. When I suddenly became homeless 2 and a half years ago [again] it was unexpected, and it put a lot of stress on my mind and body. I slowly started to retain the weight.

I remained in survival mode for so long it became difficult to switch it off. I kept gaining the weight even after finding a home, which stressed me out even more. I'd eat to numb the stress, which made me gain more weight. And the vicious cycle throws me into a landslide.

...

So back to my point. In the past two and a half years, I've gained 60 pounds. This put me well over 200 pounds, which some people find hard to believe.

I went ladder shopping for work, and a fella tried to sell me a cheaper ladder that was on sale for a third of the price of the one I was looking at, but I nearly exceeded the weight limit. When I pointed to the sticker and said I needed a stronger ladder, he looked me up and down and said, "is the ladder for yourself?" ... yes. Yes and I nearly exceed the limit on this ladder.

He told me if that's so, I certainly carry it well. I'm told that all the time when people hear what I weigh. Including my doctor. The fact that I don't look like I weigh over 200, or that I "carry it well" doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm still carrying it!

Imagine walking into a grocery store, and you don't get a shopping cart. The first thing you go for is a 10lb bag of potatoes. Now you walk around with that bag for quite some time, and go back and slowly pick up 5 more. You can never put them down.

Those 6 ten pound bags of potatoes are now putting extra pressure on your feet.. on your ankles and knees. One of those bags lives on your chest, making it hard to breathe when you're trying to sleep. They're getting in the way of performing everyday activities. Carrying all that extra weight causes a lot of pain and discomfort over time, and does damage of it's own.

When I explained this to my wonderful, supportive, rail thin partner, he finally got what I was talking about. Now he really understands why I'm being so adamant about dropping the weight, why my feet always hurt and I'm exhausted after work. And ultimately why being so overweight makes me depressed and uncomfortable.

I'm so thankful that he's on board 100% with helping me lose the weight. For the first year that we've lived here and worked the same schedule, we would come home and he'd do any general maintenance on the yard or house our vehicle while I prepared dinner. But it was always a dinner "for him" that I would end up eating too.

The past week or so I have been juicing for dinner, and it takes time and prep and cleanup, and he's had no issues cooking the "real meals" while I make my batch of juice. He knows that I love cooking for him, but until I master my new healthy routine, he might have to do the cooking for a while. And he's quite alright with that.

He can see that it's paying off. In the past 3 weeks of eating cleaner and adding the juice, I've almost put down one full bag of those potatoes. I feel a little better already. My knees are thanking me (and it's a little easier to do up my pants!).

This is just the beginning. I have 5.2 bags of potatoes left to get rid of, and I'm getting there. Thanks again for reading, and for your love and support. And remember, if you're on a similar journey and you need a little motivation, I'm here for you too!


xo

5 pounds down..

53 to go. And when your monthly trend has been an increase of 4 or 5 pounds, losing five is an amazing feeling. My current weight is 218, down from 223, with a goal of 165. It's a reasonable goal that would put me at a size 8 pant, and is my optimal weight for performance and strength.

So, what have I done differently? First, no sugar. I've cut out pretty much all processed foods besides the occasional gluten free bread toasted veggie sandwich, and my vegan protein powder that gets mixed into my morning smoothies.

I've also been doing my best to drink more water. I've cut out fruit juices, I never drink soda, and if I want something warm I'll opt for a rooibos or green and peppermint tea sweetened with local non pasteurized honey. In order to make water easier to drink (and more hydrating), I add a shot of organic lemon juice, and a splash of coconut water. Bam, naturally flavored water!

For me, diet is the number one factor when it comes to losing weight. My system simply can not deal with processed, artificial food-like substances. Even though I am well aware of this, I had slipped back into the trap. I was eating whatever I could get for cheap that would keep well, not considering the damage it would cause.

 When I'm craving sweets, I reach for a fruit. I keep apples and bananas on hand for when my body screams for sugar. The trick to this and not going for unhealthy junk food is simple- don't buy the junk. Don't even have it in the house. Living half an hour from the nearest grocery store helps me with this.. and of course, making my partner well aware of my healthy intentions.

Otherwise, I haven't really been doing much different. My next big step is to get more exercise in my day. I've been exhausted lately now that I'm finally back to work, and when I come home aching, it's hard to find the motivation. I'm trying to train myself to wake up earlier so I cam include a half hour routine before work.

Well, that's where I'm at. I have re-proven to myself that something as simple as eating a more natural diet and avoiding sugar makes a big difference on it's own. This week I will start waking up 45 minutes earlier to make an attempt at a morning workout routine. Happy Sunday!

Day 2 - the Thirty Day Challenge

i'm not sure whose idea it was to start this challenge on a long weekend.. haha. just kidding Steph! i didn't get my challenge pack in the mail yet from Beachbody so i'm still kinda freestyling until it gets here. it was rather warm and humid today so it didn't take much effort to get a sweat on.

i started my day by dragging all of my camping gear out of the house. i live in the basement, so every trip out of the house was up a flight of stairs. i made sure to only grab one piece of gear at a time to do as many flights as i could. once i got the big tent assembled, i took a break to do 40 squats under the tree. after i set both tents up and dragged them around the yard looking for a good spot, i decided it'd be a good day to also run some stuff down to the garage.

in order to get the most of the mission, i made three trips back and forth from my house to the garage on my bicycle, with my rucksack stacked full to the top. it added up to about an hour of slightly more intensive riding. i also broke a good sweat organizing the garage, moving heavy stuff around. one thing i'm worried about being newly retired from a warehouse job is not having that all-day physical engagement sort of forced on me. i'm certainly not getting the 30,000 steps a day i was getting at work and i have to find ways to compensate.

when i came back home i decided i may as well have a fire. chopping wood is a good workout, and i hadn't done it in a while. i settled in with a nice big bowl of cucumber salad. i don't drink alcohol, so there's no challenge to avoid something like that on a holiday weekend. but there's no avoiding lounging around. some moderate exercise, clean eating and a decent amount of rest. tomorrow i have to focus on getting the steps in!

Day 1 - the Thirty Day Challenge

i've been a little stuck lately, and i needed a boost to get me out of the rut. the main reason i started this blog is for accountability, and so that i can look back at my journey to reflect on what i did to get where i am today. last week i decided i'd step it up a notch, and sign up for an online fitness club. as you can see over the past couple years i've tried various programs and products with different levels of success. so far it's clear that nutrition is a big part of it, and the best workouts for me are ones that involve little or no equipment.

my friend Steph introduced me to Team Beachbody, the very company that produces some of my favourite workouts. i decided it'd be a good idea, given i'm a fan of their products and the price was right. after taking a look around the site, i decided right away that i wanted to be a coach. with tools like this available i could keep myself accountable, and help others to reach their goals at the same time. sounds kinda like exactly what i was looking for. i joined her challenge group, which started today, August 1st.

to sign up just as a club member is only 2.99 a week. for a network of buddies to keep you in check, and a workout schedule template to follow it's not a bad deal. as any good fitness club should have, there's also a free option.

i'm glad i joined a support group, as my first day was a little rough. today was also the day we could finally bury my mother. knowing i'd need time later on, i went for a nice hour long bike ride in the morning, and packed a bunch of clean food for lunch, with a couple smoothies. good thing i did, trying to find something clean on a foodplace menu isn't easy. especially when your mind is elsewhere. my mother's story and how she passed inspired me to take a better look [and action] into my own health.

my thirty day challenge consists of a low-impact workout program, some biking, a vague clean-eating/vegan diet and meal plan, a smoothie or two, and soon to introduce the Shakeology. they have vegan shakes which are hard to find. especially that taste good! i usually mix up my own shakes, but there are lots of ingredients [which a lot of are in Shakeology] and i won't be able to carry them around. i'm pretty excited to see if there's noticeable results, i already feel better knowing i have such a neat program to look forward to with impressive success stories. i'd like to add my own to the pile, and i've already have reached some key milestones towards my goal. today, clean eats, and organizing my schedule.

not a bad start to the thirty days considering. tomorrow is a new day.

time to Thrive.

as of yesterday afternoon, i am officially retired from my full-time job as a retail supervisor. i have decided that in order to better my health and my life, i must take the time to make my well-being my 'full time job'. for the next thirty days, no excuses, no slip-ups, no cheating. lots of exercise, proper rest, and healthy clean eating. learning, too.

after the first few weeks, i take the show on the road. i'll be travelling to the west coast where there is a presence in the 'wellness industry' to learn more about becoming a health coach, and continue on my own personal journey towards better health and fitness. there's a lot of work ahead of me, and some honest dedication. i've come this far already, there's no turning back!

thanks to everyone who has been following my journey so far, your words of encouragement come with loads of support. i'm confident that i can not only succeed at my goals of losing weight, gaining health and building a more healthy and sustainable lifestyle, but also one day help others succeed too.

if you're interested in following my journey through all the ups and downs and delicious details, check out my page at facebook.com/SageThriveChallenge. help me achieve my goals just by following! thanks again:)

the Junk

it's addictive, and it's everywhere. in fact, sometimes it's the only option. i've been a little stressed and strapped for time lately, so i've been making less-than-awesome food choices the past few days. Matt took me out for lunch that included fries, there was a dose of subway in there, and a chicken wrap from wendy's. all within three days! oh and a small ice cap from timmies accompanied that wrap. bleh! i felt horrible after, had a horrible time in the can. brought me right back to the "IBS" days... we'll get into that later.

but first, to top it all off [and so that i never forget it], i had to grab one last serving of mcD's. i've been good all day. in fact, it was almost two full days of being back on my mostly raw vegan regime. i had almost made a full recovery from the binge. but i had to be sure...

i ordered one of each of my favourite things, a mcdouble [with plus cornichons], a small fry and small vanilla ice coffee. my mouth was already watering from the smell. i got my meal first while my brother waited for his sandwiches. we ate my fries at the counter. salty heaven. the oil still hot. wash it down with some of that ice coffee... after a couple sips it starts.

there's an acidy taste at the back of my mouth. a few more sips and i can feel the mucus in my throat starting to flow. this naturally made me feel thirsty and need to drink more to wash it away. oh, right. the sugar, the 'milk'.. that's what that stuff does.

then, the burger. no photo needed, we all know what that stuff looks like. plasticy cheese product hanging off the edge. i ate most of it, besides the pickles it tasted pretty bland. the whole deal smelled so good and my mouth watered for it, but by the end of the indulgence, the indigestion had already begun. oh... yeah. but g*d damn the first few bites were delicious!

by the time i had taken the last bite [before tossing the rest in the bag] i felt like i had just been kicked in the stomach. i had to sit for a few minutes to sort it out. by the time we got to his car, i had a full-blown headache. it's two hours later right now actually, and i still have that headache. and i almost feel like my skin wants to break out. woah. that's all kinds of not good.

...

when i was a kid, i had all kinds of things wrong with me. horrible nerves, acid reflux at the age of ten.. by the time i was a teen i was already a wreck. like most kids in my generation, i grew up on grilled cheese and kraft dinner, with pot roast or chicken and potatoes with a steamed veggie on the weekends. the occasional happy meal was a treat. 

when i got older, these symptoms of constant discomfort were continuous, but the diet was never in question. diagnoses were quick assumptions based on how i was feeling on my last visit to the doc. their tests and blood work never found a true cause. i had everything from IBS to severe acid reflux. sometimes i'd vomit small amounts of bile, scorching my throat for days. this is horrible for anyone, but especially frightening at the age of twelve. throw hashimoto's thyroiditis on top of that, and you've got a stressed out fat kid.

for years it didn't matter what i ate, it made my guts hurt. was it wheat? acidy tomato sauce? dairy? meat? it was anything, everything i ate. even vegetables and fruit. the problem likely being that my guts simply weren't used to having them. the proper fibre after days of not having any would be painful passing through. i'd eat salad but then there's the dressing.. i had no idea i was constantly assaulting my body just by eating refined and processed foods. i suppose it'd be safe to assume that things sold en masse for the purpose of human consumption would be good for you, right? all the added vitamins and minerals.. then if you look at the second ingredient of just about anything, the sugar...

...

after a few hours, the most immediate symptoms are fading into a dull annoyance. something most people would take a tums for, or try to soothe with a glass of milk.  here i am thinking.. is this what's really going on? do we all just think 'oh it's just a little indigestion' and move on? repeating the same vicious cycle of eating junk, feeling like crap, eating better for a few days to make up for it [and maybe go for a run] then start all over? is this why we're so sick? so fat? ....probably. we think we're eating food, our bodies are trying to tell us no, this isn't food, we ignore, then we get sick and fat and irritated. hmh.

the saddest part of it is, this is all 'normal'. well, it was more normal in the 80's and 90's, now people are aware that the majority of things sold for human consumption aren't actually food, but everyone eats it so it's okay. everyone enjoys it, so it's not going anywhere. it's so incredibly easy to 'fall off the [diet] wagon' and grab a quick snack. and it's just as easy to do the same thing the very next day. when you've become a 'regular' and servers know your breakfast order before you get to the counter, there's a problem.

i've been doing incredibly well this year in my get healthy venture. when i started this blog in 2013, i lost about 20 pounds by sheer force, and eventually gained it all back. at the beginning of 2014 i weighed roughly 210 pounds, and by july made it down to 175. after my binge i'm sitting around 180. now that i've been keeping a close eye on my weight, it is apparent that when i eat crap my body bloats and retains water. this will show on the scale as a couple pounds extra in as little as a day. it'll take me a week to get it off again. and it doesn't even have to be as drastic as a cheeseburger, it can be something as innocent as a single serving bag of lay's or a 'healthier' subway sub.

i've said this before, but even with the knowledge that most of the stuff out there to eat is garbage, we still reach for it. it's incredibly challenging to choose real, unprocessed food over the quick fixes not only because snacks are so delicious, but that's mostly what is available. thinking back to the last time i was on the road, a lot of the time the only 'food' places for miles served.. well, junk. i would absolutely eat as much fresh as i could when i happened upon it, but for the most part, things that keep well or are served quickly often made the menu.

point is, it's still a choice. i think mentally a part of this binge for me began at the idea that soon i'll be on a bus for a few days straight headed to the coast, and the only food choices available en route aren't the best ones. it'll be unlikely to find anything fresh, the occasional banana or apple at a truck stop or gas station perhaps. there aren't many markets along the highway for said coach buses to stop at. i think maybe i wanted to see [while still in a controlled environment] if my body could handle all that, and truthfully after said and done it made me very uncomfortable. the symptoms of 'IBS' that have been all but gone since i started eating cleaner came back full force in the matter of three days. could it be that this backup diagnosis of 'irritable bowels' is simply our bodies' response to eating processed junk?

i'd bet my ass on it. literally.

and since i'm getting too old to spend half a week on the bus in the first place, i don't fancy doing so suffering from symptoms of IBS, so imma be sure to pack myself as much real food as i can to make it through. and then continue on, wherever i end up, eating just... real... food. imagine that? i mean the odd treat once in a blue moon won't kill me.. but it's my mission to find real food out there, everywhere, anywhere i go. i've been managing here now that i've found a taste for goodness, but what will i do without my blender? the adventure awaits!

be the change, drink the juice.

something strange is happening.. more like something awesome! this challenge has become more than just my own. i started this blog in january of 2013 with the idea that publicly noting my journey to find health would keep me on track. well, it's working. i can honestly say that after everything i've tried, triumphs and defeats, i may have given up long ago if i didn't make a point of sharing it all.

 it hasn't been an easy journey, that's the truth. but it's getting better. the reality is, there isn't a magic pill or quick diet or cleanse that will fix all of my problems or lose all of my extra pounds. it takes a lifestyle change, an attitude alteration, and dedication to finding true health. i wasn't always the most motivated person in the world, nor the best educated on the subject of nutrition. after a year and a half of reading, researching, and trying different things, i am finally on the right path to what works best for me.

now back to the challenge. people around me are starting to notice a difference.. maybe even more than i have seen in myself. i've lost 18 pounds since the beginning of 2014, and i have a lot more energy [and a lot less tummy aches] than ever. naturally, people want to know what i'm doing and they want to try too.

for quite some time now, i've known what i needed to do. but i always had excuses like i'm too broke to eat well, or i don't have time or any means to prepare a decent meal. when really i could have been prioritizing my money [and my time] better, and being more resourceful with the tools i had available to me. i have less of a 'kitchen' now than i ever have in an established dwelling, yet i prepare [and grow!] more of my own food these days than i have my whole life. and by prepare i don't mean pop a microwave dinner in the nuke or boil up some KD, i mean using fresh ingredients from scratch.

a couple years ago i started collecting things to jumpstart into a more healthy lifestyle like a juicer and a blender and planted a garden in the yard. after a few months the juicer became too much of a hassle, the blender lost it's appeal, and the garden didn't fair so well. this cycle repeated for a few years, each year saw improvements.

finally something clicked inside of me. i decided it was time to take responsibility for my self and my own health. i do have a choice in the matter, i can choose to live a healthier lifestyle, or i can choose to keep putting it off and slowly accumulate various health discomforts. today, i choose health. and yesterday, and hopefully a bunch of tomorrows too.

early in the year i blew the dust off the juicer and got right back into it. i fed my mind with all of the information about the benefits of juicing raw vegetables, and the idea became more appealing. eventually the vegetables that once tasted bitter to me juiced have mellowed out. cucumber simply tastes like freshness now, and celery is barely noticeable beside the hint of ginger and lime. this time around, instead of jumping right into hardcore veggie juicing, i started with the apples and added in the veg. now the only fruit i use is an apple or two and a bit of lemon lime to zest it up and keep it fresh.

every day in the lunch room, someone asks what i'm drinking. and i tell them! some are grossed out at the idea of pressed veggies, some are intrigued, and some even ask for a taste. this keeps me conscious every morning when i'm packing my lunch bag what i'm going to take.. am i making healthy choices? can i really make it to first break without my super smoothie? i know i don't feel like making juice right now [five in the morning], but do i really want to go all day without it? nah. i might be tired some days [not all days anymore] but i know it's worth it to do this for myself. it makes me feel better. and every week or so, the scale moves a notch towards my goal.

it's starting to catch on.

people that i work with are picking up on these healthy habits, and trying them on for size. even my parents who in recent years were more health savvy than i, have taken interest in this juicy new facet of my life. i love hearing the reports on others' juicing and nutribullet-ing adventures. especially the parts where they notice a positive change in their health, and on the scale. it's nice to have friends to take this journey with me, the more the merrier. if i can inspire others to be more conscious of their own health by drinking a big ol' jar of juice every day, then it's already too good to stop.

be the change... drink the juice!

spring CLEANing

something very strange just happened... let me try and explain.

first of all, i haven't been doing a whole lot of writing because i've been doing a whole lot of reading. and juicing, and blending, and stretching and relaxing, and for realsies most nights even sleeping... and despite just getting over a bug i'm feeling pretty good.

anyhoo.. for quite some time now, i've been doing my own research and experimentation to figure out exactly what is the best diet for me. i've read all kinds of books, watched over a dozen food documentaries, taken online courses in nutrition, and researched various references to attempt to discover what is best to put into my body. not only that, but how to 'cleanse' and reset my digestive system through nutrition. 

a while ago, we picked up a NutriBullet as i've always had a hard time getting food into me before too early in the morning, and all of my days begin so early. but there are a bunch of things i didn't like the idea of throwing in a blender [namely vegetables, specifically greens] so i decided to invest in a brand new masticating juicer. i found it on sale right at the beginning of the year and got an amazing deal! of course, it was 'new year's resolution season', the best time to find health related gadgets and exercise equipment on sale.

i started juicing as often as i could. before long, it had also become a part of my daily ritual, juicing enough mostly vegetables to get me through the day. after everything i've learned i find it really difficult to put processed foods into my body, and i've had to get creative with what i juice and blend to keep it interesting [and tasty!] and before long, slowly but surely, i started to see results.

so i'm walking through the bookstore on my lunch with a determination to find a book on food combining. i pretty well knew going in there that i'd need to order it as there wouldn't be one in store, and i was right. on my way in i passed this table with a bunch of healthy recipe books, raw vegan stuff, that sort of thing.. and down on the corner there was two copies of a book called 'CLEAN'. plain white cover, small paperback print, nothing fancy. while every other book on this table was a glossy print or fancy hardcover. for some reason that was the book i was compelled to pick up.

i flipped it over and wuh.. a familiar face! i've been watching so many documentaries and reading so many books i couldn't remember which i'd remembered it from, but there he was. Alejandro Junger, M.D.. i looked at the cover and thought, for whatever reason.. nah this guy is going to tell me things i already know. what i don't know is proper food combination, i gotta cover that first. i put the book down and went over to the ordering station.

a store clerk came up to me and asked if i needed any help. i told her what i was looking for, and she told me her life story. she was raised on meat and potatoes and raw milk. rarely greens, and yet there she stood before me.. healthy and energetic [though more overweight than i] and pushing seventy. she was trying to convince me that i don't really need any vegetables to survive, i just need to eat good food. we had accepted one another's difference of opinion.. but she had thrown me off the track i was on to ordering that book, and taken up most of my lunch. i walked back to the fancy display table as a last minute decision [i needed a new book to digest!] and i picked up a copy of Clean.

i started reading right away. and there it was...

...a synchronicity! i mean, these things happen... but it was just too uncanny. i picked up a book that i was somehow drawn to, and it was a familiar face. his program applies some habits that i'm already practicing based on everything that i've learned, and it has already been working for me. i turned to page eleven and my eye was immediately drawn to the words Eleven Eleven. i had to look again... i couldn't believe it! i've had this obsession with these numbers since i was ten years old, and there they were. i couldn't help but feel like in that moment, the universe was telling me 'hey! you got it...'

so, that's my story. or, the beginning anyways. i'm on my second read-through of this fantastic program, which even provides ways to mentally prepare, and things to keep in mind while you cleanse. like the fact that it's 'only three weeks'. this particular program has some very strict, although not restrictive [in the sense of calories, just choosing the right ones!] guidelines to get the maximum benefits in this relatively short amount of time. snacks at a party, a gathering at a restaurant, these things aren't so horrible to attend without consuming if you can just keep in mind what you are doing for your health, and that once it's over those snacks will come around again. only next time you might not crave them as much, after seeing and feeling the results of such an intensive, restorative program.. that's actually very simple!

needless to say, i'm going to give it a try. i'm already on the right path as far as easing in, and being prepared with the tools i need. now i need to collect a few more ingredients, a few more reliable, relatively simple and delicious 'clean' recipes, and just a smidgen more willpower. i'm almost there...

[ps! i forgot to mention... i'm now at 190.8 pounds! that's keeping with the average of a pound a week weight loss. i hit that plateau of 195, but the juicing and blending combo along with better choices helped me overcome it quickly. just sayin'!]