The [gravity] struggle

It's difficult sometimes to explain to someone who has never had weight challenges, what it feels like to be overweight. My loving, amazing partner comes from a family of eaters, most of which are also overweight. He tells me all the time that my weight doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts. But what he forgets is how all that weight makes me feel on the inside.

...

Stress and depression are the two main factors in weight gain for me. If I land myself in a very stressful situation, my body retains fat. It's a defense mechanism of being in 'survival mode'. When I suddenly became homeless 2 and a half years ago [again] it was unexpected, and it put a lot of stress on my mind and body. I slowly started to retain the weight.

I remained in survival mode for so long it became difficult to switch it off. I kept gaining the weight even after finding a home, which stressed me out even more. I'd eat to numb the stress, which made me gain more weight. And the vicious cycle throws me into a landslide.

...

So back to my point. In the past two and a half years, I've gained 60 pounds. This put me well over 200 pounds, which some people find hard to believe.

I went ladder shopping for work, and a fella tried to sell me a cheaper ladder that was on sale for a third of the price of the one I was looking at, but I nearly exceeded the weight limit. When I pointed to the sticker and said I needed a stronger ladder, he looked me up and down and said, "is the ladder for yourself?" ... yes. Yes and I nearly exceed the limit on this ladder.

He told me if that's so, I certainly carry it well. I'm told that all the time when people hear what I weigh. Including my doctor. The fact that I don't look like I weigh over 200, or that I "carry it well" doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm still carrying it!

Imagine walking into a grocery store, and you don't get a shopping cart. The first thing you go for is a 10lb bag of potatoes. Now you walk around with that bag for quite some time, and go back and slowly pick up 5 more. You can never put them down.

Those 6 ten pound bags of potatoes are now putting extra pressure on your feet.. on your ankles and knees. One of those bags lives on your chest, making it hard to breathe when you're trying to sleep. They're getting in the way of performing everyday activities. Carrying all that extra weight causes a lot of pain and discomfort over time, and does damage of it's own.

When I explained this to my wonderful, supportive, rail thin partner, he finally got what I was talking about. Now he really understands why I'm being so adamant about dropping the weight, why my feet always hurt and I'm exhausted after work. And ultimately why being so overweight makes me depressed and uncomfortable.

I'm so thankful that he's on board 100% with helping me lose the weight. For the first year that we've lived here and worked the same schedule, we would come home and he'd do any general maintenance on the yard or house our vehicle while I prepared dinner. But it was always a dinner "for him" that I would end up eating too.

The past week or so I have been juicing for dinner, and it takes time and prep and cleanup, and he's had no issues cooking the "real meals" while I make my batch of juice. He knows that I love cooking for him, but until I master my new healthy routine, he might have to do the cooking for a while. And he's quite alright with that.

He can see that it's paying off. In the past 3 weeks of eating cleaner and adding the juice, I've almost put down one full bag of those potatoes. I feel a little better already. My knees are thanking me (and it's a little easier to do up my pants!).

This is just the beginning. I have 5.2 bags of potatoes left to get rid of, and I'm getting there. Thanks again for reading, and for your love and support. And remember, if you're on a similar journey and you need a little motivation, I'm here for you too!


xo

Starting Over.

I look back over this blog that I [thankfully] kept, and I just shake my head. I mean, I'm glad I kept the blog, I'm just utterly disappointed in myself for letting go. I did so well for so long, even after my mother passed away. And here I am, eating crap food, sick all the time, almost back to my heaviest weight, and smoking. YEP.

The past couple years has been a rough ride. I wouldn't necessarily take any of it back, I've learned a lot about myself, but I let myself go in the process. I've been struggling with my mental health, with my sense of self worth, and with my highly addictive personality. All those things combined when not managed can be a recipe for disaster.

I NEED to get back on track before I can't anymore. The time is now. Should have been yesterday, but now is all I've got.

...

Two months later...

I've managed to almost completely quit smoking. I went from a pack or more a day to two or three cigarettes. I was able to make it a couple days without having a single one, then I let the stress get the best of me. I still haven't bought a pack in over a week.

My juice press is sitting assembled and ready to go on the dining room table. I've even used it a couple times this week. The nutribullet has seen fairly consistent action for my breakfast smoothies, but just about every meal has been (delicious, but) an assault on my insides. My digestive system has been in revolt for a few months now, but the stress and anxiety I've been dealing with was my huge excuse not to give a shit.

Oh, and I bought a scale. It's been a long time since I've stepped on one, and I nearly cried. Weight wise I'm pretty much right back to my heaviest. At least I still kinda fit in my jeans. Kinda. My weight is a good tell of how bad my insides are getting. The worse they are, the more I retain. If I don't get back up on it, I'm gonna get very sick very quick.

I'm worried that it won't be as 'easy' as it was last time to get into a routine. I'm a little nervous that maybe it will be much harder to lose the weight as I get older. I'm kinda scared that it might be too late. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try.

There's a produce store in the nearest town that happens to be on my way home from work, no matter what city I'm working in. I have to pass it to get home. There's a vape place in the plaza next to that. I have no excuses to smoke or not eat the way that I should. There's a big-ass garden planted beside my house that in a couple months will be so abundant I won't know what to do with it all.

I don't need junk. I don't need sugary snacks or pizza. I don't need sammies every day for lunch, or meat at dinner. I don't need salty greasy fried things to be happy. I don't need to smoke to feel alright.

This is it. The beginning of the rest of my life. And I'd rather live in health than in sickness.

21 months in - the journey

it's been a long one, and it's not over. i'd usually do this 'review' process around the end of the year to see where i'm at, but now is a better time. i've certainly come to the end of something. i have finally come to the end of being in the 'obese' range on most conventional BMI charts that compare height to weight. at 5'5 and 215lbs my BMI was around 35, and now i'm down to 173 which put me around 28. of course these charts don't know that i have more muscle than the average female my height/weight, so a proper BMI measurement at some point may be helpful. i'm still overweight, but not obese. says these charts. and that's something.

i've struggled with my weight for many years. when i was ten i was diagnosed with hashimoto's thyroiditis. for years my energy and weight would fluctuate, i would spend months at a time absolutely exhausted yet unable to sleep. no matter my efforts diet wise, it didn't seem to matter. i steadily gained weight, roughly 8 pounds a year since high school. being 'fat' never bothered me, but feeling unhealthy does. the last twenty pounds i gained i could really feel. it gets harder to walk, to bend, to move, to work... i was getting in the way of myself, and tiring myself out just carrying the extra me around. not to mention what goes on inside when carrying extra pounds...

insult to injury
long since my underyling health issues fully developed including digestive issues i've been living with since around the same age, i had done some of my own additional damage. pills, alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, poor food choices, sugar, salt... the list goes on. there was a good number of years that i didn't much care about the state of my well-being, and i think most of us have been there. but not everyone recovers. i hope to recover.

the time had finally come where i felt motivated to do something about it. to take responsibility for my own health and well being, knowing no one else can do it for me. western medicine had no solutions, conventional dieting and exercise only served me temporarily. i had to make a change in my attitude towards myself and my health, and i had to make some real lasting lifestyle changes. but first i had to accept that i got myself into this mess, even if blindly i got here myself.. and i can and do have the power to dig myself out.

time to change
at the end of 2012 i made a resolution, and i made it publicly. i announced that i would do what it takes to find better health, and lose the weight. i started this blog to keep track of my progress, but also to keep me accountable. as soon as i started posting, people engaged in conversations about my proposed journey. people i would have never expected to read my blog started talking to me at work about how i was doing. this alone gave me tons of motivation not to give up, everyone is watching and cheering me on.

by the end of 2013 i had tried everything from running, to diet plans, to various meal replacement and weight loss products only to see temporary results. i did yoga, pilates [which are both great by the way, if you stick with them!], various 30, 60 and 90 day challenges, even that green coffee bean stuff. each thing did have an effect, but only short term. by the end of the year i was right back where i started weight wise, but much more informed. i learned that above all diet was key, before exercise routines and gym memberships, i had to start with what i'm made of, what i eat.

i had learned something precious. there are products and programs out there that do work, some that don't. many offer a 'boost' in the right direction, but without diligent maintenance it's easy to fall off. i finally found something that i wish i had found in the beginning, but at the same time i'm glad that i hadn't tried it right away as i wouldn't have known the true value when it comes to cost, quality and effort involved. before i get into that, i'll write a little more about finding my own path.

life's unexpected challenges
things happen that make you think.. unfortunate things mostly, like losing someone close to you. my cousin was only 32 when she lost the fight with cancer in March of this year. my mother was only 55 when she passed in May after spending the last twenty years of her life on disability. both of their lives were very much in the hands of western medicine, neither had much of a chance. it's hard to get your mind around things like that. it's difficult sometimes to continue searching for better health when it seems so impossible. headed down the same path health wise it really made think, what is wrong here? what are we doing to ourselves? i feel like now more than ever i must think 'outside the box'. i decided to start doing my own research.

self education
we have an infinite supply of information available to us every day instantly, and a lot of the time for 'free'. it takes a little sifting, common sense and citation but self education is completely possible and recommended. if you don't have any idea where to start looking, there's at least a couple dozen good 'food docs' out there these days that showcase the awesome power of food. there are two good ones to start with, Food Matters, and Hungry for Change. watch either or both and look further into the stories of the people shared and you will find leads to endless information.

beyond food documentaries i have also picked up many texts about nutrition and researched some of the fundamentals of nutritional science. what do we need to survive? to thrive? i've asked these questions before, only now i'm finding answers. and i've also found that everyone is unique and what works for some won't work for others, but overall the more raw vegetables fruits and foods included in my diet, the better i feel. juicing is an absolutely amazing discovery which helped to really kickstart my journey to better health.

making the changes
i learned the hard way... start slow. trying to change everything at once is simply too overwhelming which increases the chance of failure. for me anyways.. i've heard [and read] the same from others who have been successful in changing their routine and building healthy habits. i started by adding good things to my diet, ultimately crowding out foods that aren't as good for me and have less or no nutritional value. after eating good foods that aren't saturated in processed oils and salt and sugar, now if i reach for these things they just don't taste as good as i remember.

incorporating more exercise into my lifestyle was more of a challenge than i thought. a part of my struggle being that i was already living a reasonably active lifestyle, it seemed daunting to attempt to add more physical activity. the first thing i did was invest in one of my now favourite tecky little gadgets, the fitbit. now i know exactly how active i am and when, and i can see when i haven't been very active and challenge myself to get up and do something. it's better than an app that requires you to always have your phone on you, as it's tiny and discreet and the charge on the battery lasts about a week. i still use it to this day.

the first few months of 2014 i did little more than replace breakfast with smoothies and fresh pressed juice, and keep track of my steps making sure to get a little extra walk or jog in if i didn't meet my goal. i'd hit the gym a few times a week to make use of the machines. i noticed that on days i had made a juice i felt a lot more energy and didn't need a nap half way through my day. i was losing roughly one pound per week, which is substantial! i've more or less kept that rate up, as i'm 37 pounds lighter than i was in January.

as time went on making better food choices was reflexive. on the days i'd laze out and grab a quick snack, i'd feel it in my guts within the hour, instant regret. reaching for junk happens less and less often. my body craves the good stuff now that it knows what it's missing when i don't eat well. also i'd feel sluggish and sore if i didn't get enough activity in for the day, so i'd find a good workout to add to my routine.. my body now craves good exercise as well. and that's how i built some healthy habits!

where i'm at
fifty pounds seemed like an impossible weight loss goal at first, but now that i've come this far i'm confident i can [eventually] work myself back into the athlete i once was, maybe even a better one. i'm also sure that working through the last ten pounds may well take about as long as the first forty but i've learned something key: don't give up. it's okay to feel like crap some days and it's okay if i slip up, but it's important to never ever ever ever give up.

now back to my major discovery.. Beachbody! i owe the last ten pounds, and the simplification of my diet to this company and their incredible products. after learning the hard way all on my own that their workouts are the most effective, i was glad to have found them. i'm also glad i went through everything that i did first. i feel that i have a greater appreciation for finding a system that works for me that was designed by professionals that know their stuff. it gets even better..

i'm probably the hugest skeptic when it comes to health products and meal replacements, i've tried them all. when i became a Beachbody Coach i told my own coach that i'd totally rock the workouts and help others get into them, but i'd be highly unlikely to try their shake products. firstly because i'm sensitive to whey, and second there's no way their shake ingredients could even touch the lineup of healthy smoothie boosts i have sitting in my cupboard. she insisted that i give them a try at least, to get a feel for the products. after doing my research i found that they did indeed use a lot of those exact same boosts i had bought separately, and that they have a vegan option!

i was thrilled and had to try it. i've tried a few other vegan protein shakes and meal replacements and not liked the taste, even when blended with things. with my Shakeology, the taste isn't so bad, and it really satisfies my hunger. i am truly, absolutely amazed, and how much easier it is when traveling to make sure i get everything i need in a day.. instead of trying to find all my boosts and healthy stuff when traveling, i just need to bring a few packets of Shakeo with me, and suddenly it's way easier to be healthy on the road! what a relief, and what timing.

here's where i'm at now, 173lbs. little tank. Beachbody's PiYo workout [my new favourite] has helped me through. i'm strengthening muscles i forgot i had! i finally crushed a couple pounds off the plateau i've been stuck at [176lbs]. now just barely past it, i know it's going to be a lot of work moving forward. it's worth it to know i'm prolonging my life, and improving the state of the vessel that i'm experiencing it through. surviving is one thing, but to thrive.. that is my goal. and it's ongoing...

Day 11 - the Thirty Day Challenge - Manual Juice Press

a couple months ago i'd ordered this manual juice press in my frustration of our power going out frequently in the morning. sometimes it'd be just long enough to not have the time to make juice. once i had it, the power stopped going out of course. i had this brilliant idea that perhaps i can cram this thing in my backpack somehow, and take this show on the road [still working on that!]. anyways, it sat in it's little box on the shelf ever since, and since i haven't been juicing much and miss it, i thought i'd giver a try.

it's about as easy to assemble as any masticating juicer, and it takes up less space. it does absolutely need a solid, immobile base [the counter on wheels was a no-go] to be able to crank it properly. of course everything is pressed by hand, and the juicer itself is smaller, so everything must be cut into very small pieces before attempting to press it through.

i found right away that i was more thoughtful about exactly how much produce to put through the juicer, and how much finished product i wanted to have. this is probably the slowest method of juicing, so every bit of liquid is noticed as it drips into the little cup.

celery makes the most juice. vegetables are key when juicing, and celery, believe it or not, is very juicy! and this is my favourite way to consume celery. or as little peanut-butter boats with raisins, or hummus.. oh anyways, back to the juicer.

something else incredible that i noticed about this thing, it takes a good amount of effort to turn that crank. and it's best with consistent pressure so that it doesn't jam. i had to switch arms for each 'load', and by the end of the 925ml jar i filled, i could feel my chest and arm muscles... neat!

all said, it's still not an every day activity, but i love juicing as a sure-fire cleanse or nutrition boost. so when i'm not feeling well or i want to refresh, juicing is where it's at. and this is my new favourite way to get'r done!

oh snap, the PiYo! that too. it was back to upper body today. i can't do the damn side-step with the PiYo curl or whatever that thing is called, so i just omit the step part and make sure i get a good stretch and flex in. other than that, it's not so bad. i did have pause a couple times, and it's still making me sweat. no movement on the scale, but i'm not really expecting it. i usually gain during my 'time-of-the-month' and shockingly i've only gained a pound. not bad.

i did the shakeo thing too. not sick of the recipe yet, but i should probably come up with another or order another flavour soon just in case. no plans yet for tomorrow, just going with the flow. peace!

Nah Give Up

it's been a couple months since my last post on this blog.. but i haven't given up. self care has mostly remained at the top of my priority list since my mother's passing in May, though i've had a couple rough weeks. i juice more or less every day. i don't feel right if i go too long without it.

i weigh 177lbs. that's 29 pounds less than i did at the beginning of this year. i've been kind of stuck here for a while, but when i think back to when i was stuck at 200, and 190, i don't feel so bad. i've been doing my best to go to the gym, if i make it a couple times a week. my diet is improving by default. my guts no longer put up with any crap.. if i eat junk, i feel it right away. helps to make sugar and refined foods less desirable. and they just don't taste the same.

there's more to healing than just better food and exercise. 
it's attitude, it's environment,
it's the elimination [or at least severe reduction] of stress in my life.
it's letting go of guilt, of anger, of negative emotions.
it's playing outside in the dirt.

the garden has been sweet to me this year. i spend many hours in it's perimeters. there's something magical about the ever growing ever-changing world that lies outside the back door. something i think that's easier to absorb when we grow food. the magic of knowing you provided for the earth so that it may provide for you, and the cycle that continues. it's a good feeling.

be the change, drink the juice.

something strange is happening.. more like something awesome! this challenge has become more than just my own. i started this blog in january of 2013 with the idea that publicly noting my journey to find health would keep me on track. well, it's working. i can honestly say that after everything i've tried, triumphs and defeats, i may have given up long ago if i didn't make a point of sharing it all.

 it hasn't been an easy journey, that's the truth. but it's getting better. the reality is, there isn't a magic pill or quick diet or cleanse that will fix all of my problems or lose all of my extra pounds. it takes a lifestyle change, an attitude alteration, and dedication to finding true health. i wasn't always the most motivated person in the world, nor the best educated on the subject of nutrition. after a year and a half of reading, researching, and trying different things, i am finally on the right path to what works best for me.

now back to the challenge. people around me are starting to notice a difference.. maybe even more than i have seen in myself. i've lost 18 pounds since the beginning of 2014, and i have a lot more energy [and a lot less tummy aches] than ever. naturally, people want to know what i'm doing and they want to try too.

for quite some time now, i've known what i needed to do. but i always had excuses like i'm too broke to eat well, or i don't have time or any means to prepare a decent meal. when really i could have been prioritizing my money [and my time] better, and being more resourceful with the tools i had available to me. i have less of a 'kitchen' now than i ever have in an established dwelling, yet i prepare [and grow!] more of my own food these days than i have my whole life. and by prepare i don't mean pop a microwave dinner in the nuke or boil up some KD, i mean using fresh ingredients from scratch.

a couple years ago i started collecting things to jumpstart into a more healthy lifestyle like a juicer and a blender and planted a garden in the yard. after a few months the juicer became too much of a hassle, the blender lost it's appeal, and the garden didn't fair so well. this cycle repeated for a few years, each year saw improvements.

finally something clicked inside of me. i decided it was time to take responsibility for my self and my own health. i do have a choice in the matter, i can choose to live a healthier lifestyle, or i can choose to keep putting it off and slowly accumulate various health discomforts. today, i choose health. and yesterday, and hopefully a bunch of tomorrows too.

early in the year i blew the dust off the juicer and got right back into it. i fed my mind with all of the information about the benefits of juicing raw vegetables, and the idea became more appealing. eventually the vegetables that once tasted bitter to me juiced have mellowed out. cucumber simply tastes like freshness now, and celery is barely noticeable beside the hint of ginger and lime. this time around, instead of jumping right into hardcore veggie juicing, i started with the apples and added in the veg. now the only fruit i use is an apple or two and a bit of lemon lime to zest it up and keep it fresh.

every day in the lunch room, someone asks what i'm drinking. and i tell them! some are grossed out at the idea of pressed veggies, some are intrigued, and some even ask for a taste. this keeps me conscious every morning when i'm packing my lunch bag what i'm going to take.. am i making healthy choices? can i really make it to first break without my super smoothie? i know i don't feel like making juice right now [five in the morning], but do i really want to go all day without it? nah. i might be tired some days [not all days anymore] but i know it's worth it to do this for myself. it makes me feel better. and every week or so, the scale moves a notch towards my goal.

it's starting to catch on.

people that i work with are picking up on these healthy habits, and trying them on for size. even my parents who in recent years were more health savvy than i, have taken interest in this juicy new facet of my life. i love hearing the reports on others' juicing and nutribullet-ing adventures. especially the parts where they notice a positive change in their health, and on the scale. it's nice to have friends to take this journey with me, the more the merrier. if i can inspire others to be more conscious of their own health by drinking a big ol' jar of juice every day, then it's already too good to stop.

be the change... drink the juice!

sick day.

i never call in sick. ever. but i did.. it was.. interesting. yay fever...


so here's what happened. everyone at work was getting sick. i just had to go and say it.. "i'm not worried, i never get sick!". and that has been mostly true. i believe that it has a lot to do with the fact that i have been juicing and consuming 3-4 quarts of freshly juiced vegetables and citrus every day for a few weeks. i had started juicing daily at the beginning of the year, but as soon as all the flu bugs started going around, i doubled up. i had made it through my entire team at work [and my boyfriend] getting sick twice so far this year. i thought i had it beat.

til early thursday morning... the power went out. i couldn't make my juice, or my power packed mean green breakfast smoothie. i ate a banana, which is about all the solid food i can stomach that early in the morning, and walked to work in the dark. i did my best not to panic, but i knew i was walking into a battlefield unshielded. i'm positive i had already picked up the bug, but had remained unaffected because of the daily bombardment of pro-healthy goodness.

i made it through my workday somehow, i was tired within the first couple hours. i usually would have had plenty of energy from my daily breakfast smoothie.. and of course, i felt very hungry. my joints were swelling already. i had learned from various sources that fresh celery juice was good for joint pain. i guess i hadn't realized how well it was working until i suddenly didn't have it in me. i was in slow motion all day. i couldn't concentrate, and all i wanted to do was faceplant into my bed.

as soon as i got home [and the power was finally restored] i made an emergency batch of fresh orange and apple juice with a double dose of ginger. i slammed it. i was already horribly exhausted, so in an attempt to beat the bug i went to bed early so that my body might have a fighting chance against it. 1am rolled around, and i was awoken by the heat of my own fever. dang. i tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use. by 4am i was calling work, pounding head, fever, aches and chills... the sick finally got me.

i really, really hate getting sick. and i hate missing work.. but knowing that i was already compromised and now weakened, i felt it best to stay home and deal with it right away rather than prolong the suffering. it's not all bad though, i learned a very important lesson; patience.

what does patience have to do with anything?? well..

everything.

i've been spending the past fifteen months learning everything i can about having an autoimmune disease, and what i should be doing to overcome it. and sometimes it's hard to see any progress, especially when it comes to the weight loss and my overall energy. it wasn't until i suddenly lost access to the abundant nourishment that i've been using to help my body heal, that i realized it was doing anything at all. and having to spend a day without these wonderful nectars of life reminded me that changes don't just happen over night, and that i am doing so much to support my body's healing system. giving up at this point is not an option.

that being said... there is progress.

first of all, i did end up quitting smoking last year, which i believe is helping immensely. for everything overall. overcoming addictions isn't easy for anyone, and i have a history with addiction. i'm still amazed that i no longer have cravings, and am even most usually repulsed at the idea of smoking a cigarette. and then, there's my weight. having hashimoto's has made losing weight pretty well impossible my whole life. it was more subtle when i spent the majority of my time living, wandering and generally being outside, but the weight gain had hastened since becoming a full-time domesticated human. i went from gaining on average two pounds a year at that point in my life, to a whopping ten pounds a year. so in the past five years that i have been living a 'standard north american lifestyle', i'd put on fifty pounds. Fifty. Pounds.

by the time i had finally purchased a scale so that i could keep track of my progress, i was over two hundred. since i started paying exceptional attention to what i put into my body, i have lost ten of those pounds in the past ten weeks. it seems to me like a slow start, and it's hard to stay positive when i'm not seeing the difference so much yet, but it's happening. the numbers on the scale are no longer going in the direction of extreme obesity. yay me!

so about that sick day.. yeah, i'm still sick. but! not to the point of absolute bed ridden horror that Matt seems to go through when he gets sick. not so sick that i can't move for days like i used to get. i have the aches and my chest is on fire for the first couple hours that i'm awake, but i feel much better already than the day it hit me [yesterday]. i'm taming the fever, and i'm still able to get out for fresh air, and as long as i keep up with the juicing and lots of greens i should be ready to go back to work again on monday. but for now... relaxation.

back to the juicer

yea, i haven't posted in a while. i just wanted to put it out there.. i haven't given up. i do however have to take a break from checking the scale. again. it's certainly not as productive right now as keeping up with the numbers on my fitbit. after a few weeks of keeping tabs on my sleep and activity levels, it's given me some perspective on how to better sort my time.

for instance, i can track my sleep patterns. on overage, i'm 'restless' around 4am. it's pretty well pointless for me to try and go back to sleep once i've woken up, so i'm beginning to accept that is just simply my wake up time. so instead of staying up til eleven and setting an alarm for five, i've shifted my sleep schedule back an hour to get the most out of my energy. now instead of preparing all of my juice for the next day before bed, i can do so in the morning before i go to work. thankfully i work a steady shift which has really helped me to begin to get my health on track. and juice is better the day it's made anyway.

speaking of juice.. juicing is something that's really easy to be lazy about. the preparations, the clean up, not to mention the walk every second day to the grocery to get another load of produce.. but i've been managing to keep up with it. i have noticed that my tastes are beginning to change; celery isn't as bitter as it once was, and parsley isn't as weird in a juice as the first time i tried it. i'm finally adjusting to the sudden influx of raw veggie juice.

to make the whole process easier, i've kind of turned it into a ritual. one that is adaptable whenever i discover an easier or faster way to do something. it's taken me a couple months to figure out what works for me and what are the best things to include in my juice, so here's a basic outline.

first of all, i invested in a slow juicer. i had an 'express' juicer at first, but i find i get way more juice out of the cold press, and there's more options as to what i can put through it. that being said, my finished product makes about 4-4.5 pints [8 or 9 cups] which lasts me a whole day. i'm currently not juice fasting, but i'm still consuming mostly plant based whole foods in only necessary amounts to get enough fat and other nutrients that i can't get from the juice. otherwise, that amount of juice keeps me feeling full most of the day.

i have an hour and a half to get ready for work in the morning, and i have to leave my house around 6am to get there on time. by quarter to five, i'm gathering my juicer. the whole process- setup, prep, juicing and cleanup takes about 45 minutes.

first i juice the green 'base' veggies, celery and cucumber. one bunch and two whole ones respectively. this alone makes up almost a third of the juice. then i juice the lemon and ginger into that, and collect in a juice pitcher. i then juice a whole pineapple and add that to the pitcher. next a couple of apples/or asian pears, oranges, a lime, carrots, depending on what i have on hand and what is freshest at the market. i give it one good stir and then pour it out into four pint sized mason jars, leaving a little space in a couple of them for the 'boosts'. for these i use beet root as one, and dark leafy greens such as spinach or parsley as another. these and other sorts of things that have many health benefits but a strong/bitter taste i spare the rest of the batch from and keep them as a 'meal' of their own.

cleanup gets easier every time, once a 'ritual' is formed and refined it doesn't seem so daunting of a task. some may say that it's a lot of effort for some juice, but really i think quite the opposite. it's minimal 'effort' to absorb lots of nutrients and enzymes from raw, 'living' plant based foods that i'd certainly not be able to eat all in one day. in fact, my entire day would be steady munching to pack all of that goodness in! i didn't start out with this amount, maybe half and worked my way up.

some things that i have noticed: i started with roughly two quarts of juice a day at the beginning of the year, and i am telling you i haven't had so much as a sniffle since. i have seen my entire team at work, most of my friends, and my boyfriend [who i live with] through some nasty cold and flu viruses and i remain completely unaffected. this may be due to the outrageous amounts of actual, real true vitamin C [and everything else!] that i'm juicing from fresh produce. i would at least have one quart if i had to spread my supply, as a day without juice is a day without energy. i have recently upped my intake to double [so 4 quarts total per day], and in turn my insatiable appetite for all things horrible for me is easing off. food cravings aren't nearly as bad, and in fact processed foods taste different [not as good] to me now that i have had such an elevated intake of raw, real food.

so here's hoping that the next leg of this journey i'm on involves some real weight loss. i think my body is starting to realize that no, i'm not starving her.. and yeah, it's okay to let go of those extra pounds that were protecting my precious organs from all the 'dead food' i've been bombarding my body with over the years. you take what you can get, right? well now that i'm not living out of a backpack and have a steady income i have no excuses not to take better care of myself. here's to my health..

cheat day

me again.. yea i'm still at it. since i'm kind of freestyling here [with some extensive self education] as far as my 'diet' goes, i've decided to make payday my 'cheat' day. i only get paid biweekly, so that's two days a month i can eat whatever i want. within reason of course.. the likelihood of me scarfing down a McDonalds cheeseburger on my cheat day isn't very good.

yesterday i had a banana berry smoothie with chia and coconut oil for breakfast, broccoli salad and a few pieces of brown rice vegetarian sushi at lunch, and for dinner Matt and i attended a Geocaching event which involved chicken wings. i only had a few as i could barely get anymore in my stomach, and had lemon water to drink and a few of his fries, i couldn't resist. i wasn't going to go chicken wings, but i rarely ever get the chance to eat them and was really craving some meat.

after a week of primarily plant based whole foods, it was a little bit of a shock to my digestive system. i didn't feel it till later in the evening, it was probably the wings that did me in. that being said, the gut ache still wasn't nearly as bad as i used to get them, just a little uncomfortable trying to get to sleep.

it's the weekend again, so i'm juice fasting again for my days off. i'm pleased with the success so far in regards to how i'm feeling overall, and the fact that i only 'gained back' half a pound from the six that i lost over last weekend. keeping up with a mostly plant based whole food diet i believe is helping me to maintain my weight.

i'm super excited to go to my new gym that finally opens in two weeks! i'm glad i bought in pre-opening and that i'm locked in for a year because that will encourage me to take full advantage. the price was right for my budget and it's just too awkward to get a good workout in our tiny little apartment. there's just not enough room to move around for the impact that i'm going for.

in the meantime, i'll keep up with the juicing and primarily plant based diet along with some stretches and light exercise. eventually i'd like to ease back into running, but not until i get enough weight off to have a lesser impact on my joints.

i'm feeling sort of hungry and grumbly today, which isn't all that surprising considering i ate whatever i wanted yesterday. and because of very recent previous experience, i know tomorrow will be easier. i've been considering stretching it out into a longer term juice fast, i've been reading up a lot about thirty day and sixty day juice 'cleanses' and i'm wondering if i might be able to handle it with my schedule and physical job. i may have to modify slightly to get a greater intake of calories, i know i don't feel right if i'm not getting enough.

that's about all that i have to say for today.. i am noticing that my yoga pants are loose in places they never used to be. i'm excited every time i notice a subtle change in my shape or my appearance or the way that i feel. keeps me motivated and makes me smile.

juice fast day 3 and after..

day three of the juice fast was for sure the easiest day. i felt so good about  what i was doing i wrote about it extensively, and i'm not done yet! i broke fast with simple whole foods. a banana, an apple, a couple dates and a small handful of nuts. i had a hard time finishing and i was satisfied.

my energy levels are up, which is amazing. i thought it would have slowed me down a lot more.. mind you i had the last two days of my fast off from work. when i returned, though, i brought my lunch of juice, nuts and raisins, and a small jar of homemade vegetable soup, and i was satisfied for the whole day. this surprised me as i am usually starving even by first break, my job is very physically active and i never sit down.

something else incredible happened that i forgot to note; i slept. like a baby. all. three. days. which points to what my lifelong issue may have been with sleep.. a direct link to my diet. oh and i slept lastnight too, a solid 6 hours which is unheard of for me. i usually get 3-4 hours max if any solid sleep at all. i have been this way since as early as i remember. and i remember my days of kindergarten quite well.

i lost 6 pounds over the 3 day fast and the day leading up to it. i started eating again at noon on tuesday [that tiny meal i mentioned] and ate a little more yesterday, and not a pound of that six has come back. that to me is mindblowing. i have tried a lot of different fasts and shakes and regimes and products and in all of my previous experience i have always started to gain the weight back immediately after the product/regime/fast ends. now i suppose it's not 'ended', as what i'm doing now is a complete lifestyle change. a whole new outlook on how i see food and how i treat my own body. this is not only necessary for my health and survival, but my likelihood to thrive as an individual and a member of a greater community depends on it.

juice fast day 2

alright well i had sort of a rough night yesterday. later in the evening i was starting to feel very uneasy, and contemplated cutting up a salad and breaking fast. i did break fast, but with a banana. that was specifically what i was craving, and i chewed it very thoroughly. man did it ever taste good.. and it did ease the strange feelings i was having. i decided not to let that get me down, and that i would wake up the next day and keep going. i stepped on the scale this morning and shrieked a little.. 197 pounds! i've been struggling all month to get under two hundred, hovering around 202. i hadn't seen a lower number than 199.8 in a while. i was shocked, and this was an instant motivator to keep going. [and maybe to paint my toenails haha!]

my size 14 pants are a little looser around the waist. even if most of that five pounds was water weight or waste i hadn't rid myself of yet, that's five pounds i'm no longer carrying around. i've never bothered with numbers as far as my weight is concerned, but i felt that in order to see if i was making any real progress i'd have to invest in a scale. i'm in my body all day every day and subtle change is hard to detect without some sort of measure, so there you have it. i've always been told that i 'carry it well' which i do agree [that i don't look like i weigh over 200] but the fact of the matter is, i still have to carry it around regardless of what i look like. and it's damn heavy on my smallish frame.

i do feel better than i did 24 hours ago, and as i type this i've been 48 hours without solid food. i pretty well have to visit my grocer daily to pick up the produce that i need as we only have a small bar fridge in our bachelor apartment to keep things fresh. luckily things like apples and carrots and various other roots can be kept out over the winter, and there's a freshco right across from my house so i don't have to go far. i can't wait to get at the farmer's market! and at the garden... it's gonna be a good year.

i'm particularly glad that i have today and tomorrow off work, i feel that rest is important during a fast to let my body heal. when i get more used to fasting i may try a longer one [7-10 days] but for now three [and a half] days seems like enough to 'reboot' my digestive system before reintroducing solid foods. since i work every third weekend i may make this a part of my 'ritual' to have a three day juice fast every three weeks. and perhaps even have a weekly juice fast on sunday to keep it rolling, i'll see how i feel. so far, actually not that bad.

one thing i have noticed is that i have a lot of time to think about what i'm putting into my body. as i cut and prepare veggies and fruit to go into the juicer i think about all of the good things that each piece will do for me. when the time comes to start eating regular meals again, i feel more confident that i can make better food choices and including more raw foods than before. it's like a whole new appreciation for even having access to such a variety of foods. we also have access to some pretty spiffy technology that can help to extract nutrients from foods and consume more of these nutrients than we would just simply eating them, such as juicers and high power blenders. the produce department and i have been becoming better friends than ever before. and i've always loved veggies!

another thing i've noticed is the lesser impact on the trash can and recycle bin since i started juicing. and the dish rack.. i'm saving water not having to wash so many dishes, and there's virtually zero trash from the produce i'm buying, i don't bother with the rolls of bags at the grocery store, i just wash everything well when i'm ready to use it. i bring my own bags always. if i need to weigh something 'loose' i'll grab a brown paper bag intended for the mushrooms, at least it will break down faster and it's not plastic. all of the pulp and most of the 'waste' from the produce goes into the compost pile out back. that being said, as long as i'm eating better, so is my garden.. which in turn produces better food for me to eat.. and the cycle continues. oh man am i ever excited for the garden this year... fresh kale!

juice fast day 1

alright so i'm horrible at keeping up with a blog. to be fair i've been mighty focused on psyching myself up to do what i've got to do to regain my health. for the past few weeks i put myself on an elimination diet to determine what was bothering me, the main suspect being that dang gluten. after a few days of eating gluten free i felt a million times better. until one day i wasn't thinking and ate a pancake.. yup, i learned very quickly not to do that again any time soon. the pain and bloating that came a couple hours later was unbearable.

that being said, i've been very careful since, and doing my best to consume mostly 'whole' foods. that way i don't have to worry about ingredients and what could be hidden within. i've been keeping this blog for a year so it's not like the idea of finding optimal health is a new one, but it certainly does take a special kind of motivation to really make big enough lifestyle changes that last. i've said it before and i'm saying it now.. i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. it's time for real change.

it was my weekend in [giving me monday tuesday off] so i decided to start my juice fast now as my work days are generally lighter on the weekends. saturday after work i had made myself some juice for dinner and kept it up all day today. i've been over thirty hours with no solid food at all, only juice. that being said, i don't feel all that terrible. snackish at most, but i have managed to resist temptation. every time i feel hungry i just take some more juice, or make an herbal tea with real local honey and lemon juice, helps satisfy the munchies.

i felt that having my first full day of juice fasting at work [on a light day] was a good idea to keep my mind distracted, and practice overcoming cravings. i'd have to go through the lunch room to get to the coat room, and sit with my lunch buddy in the food court while he scarfed down his fresh subway sandwich and i could smell delicious goodness all around. i sipped slowly on my cucumber fruit and veggie juice. i resisted the urge to get a rice teriyaki bowl.

by the end of my shift the hunger was starting to get a little uncomfortable and i felt the need to get some salt into me. i bought a carton of organic chicken broth and warmed a cup or so with a pinch of cayenne powder and some himalayan salt for flavour and minerals. it was actually quite satisfying, i had a hard time finishing it. and it did make me feel a lot better. i had a small glass of fruit juice and a cup of organic herbal tea for dessert.

so far so good, i am pretty tired and i have a feeling i will sleep well tonight. i hope day two is easier, i was debating making this a 24 hour fast and starting back on raw fruits and veggies tomorrow, we shall see how i feel in the morning.

new year, new juice, new attitude.

well, i made it to 2014 in one piece, that's reason enough to have faith in the fact that i'm not doomed forever to poor health, pain and discomfort. but really though, after a gruelling year of making many false started attempts at losing weight and regaining fitness, i do believe i've finally realized the key to finding better health.. and it starts with a positive attitude.

as i said in my last post, everyone is different, and what works for me may not work for everyone or even anyone else.. but the whole point is realizing that my body can heal itself when provided with what it needs to do so. the challenge is getting all of the nutrients, exercise and rest i need while maintaining my position in this fast-paced north american culture.

it hasn't been easy to get into the mindset necessary to completely change my life, but i'm getting there. the more i read and educate myself, the more enthusiastic i become about choosing whole nutrient rich foods over processed grains and unhealthy snacks. and the more willing i am to treat myself better overall, getting proper rest and working out in a way that has a better impact. i think the eating habits have been the hardest habits to change, years of living from a rucksack got me used to picking up food that preserves well which isn't usually any kind of fresh. now that i have a place to prepare and store nutritious goodness, i really have no excuse not to do so.

i'm willing to admit that having a 40 hour work week is one thing that has ultimately discouraged me from sticking to any sort of lifestyle change that i've needed to improve my  health. when i get 'in the zone' nothing else matters besides getting to work and getting my job done on time. that leaves me little time to spend hours in the kitchen preparing healthy concoctions and delicious 'slow food'. sometimes i work seven days in a row and it's crucial to keep my energy up as well as stay conscious to what i put in my stomach.

as i said before, i had in the past resorted to various different diets and even supplement products to help me along in my journey to better health. the biggest downfall to relying on short term diets and supplements is of course once they're over, so is the weight loss or gained energy. and most times it follows with even more weight gained than i'd started with, and feeling more exhausted than before. i spent the first half of the year running the trails, drinking the shakes and plugging away, and the last half of the year feeling horrible that after everything, a flip in my schedule threw me off my game and the weight came back to haunt me.

enough is enough, it's time to get serious about being healthy, wholly inside and out. body, mind and spirit.. i have collected enough knowledge to prepare my mind for what must happen, and gathered tricks and ideas to keep me nourished while i'm busy getn'er done. and of course, a few nifty and super simple tools to help me do so successfully. the truth of it is, there is no 'quick fix' solution to poor health. but it does help to start small. my starting small involves finding ways to cram as much healthy goodness as i can into each meal of the day and not slacking out on lunch or breakfast. some sweet tricks that have helped me so far is preparing healthy whole food breakfast smoothies, making large batches of fresh homemade soup, and of course, juicing.

i have recently found a device that may be the godsend i've been waiting for; a cold press masticating slow juicer, and finally at an affordable price! i've been juicing a few times a week using my 'express' juicer, but it's quick moving blades aren't really that great for soft foods such as leafy greens, cukes and berries. it made wonderful ginger infused apple carrot lemonade, but i've been longing for a better way to get more greens into me. i like to blender some foods as well, but it's hard to stomach blended greens day after day. juicing makes it a lot easier to get more servings of fresh food into my system while i'm caught up in this crazy urban lifestyle, without so much triggering of the gag.

a couple other awesome tools i use are the Nutribullet 'nutrition extracter' and an immersion blender that i use when making a large crock pot of delicious vegetable soup. i have found for me that blending foods helps keep me feeling full for longer, this is especially true when i add 'superfood boosts' to my smoothies like chia seeds, hulled hemp and organic virgin cold pressed coconut oil.

the next investment that i'll likely make is in a scale. i know roughly how much i weigh as i check every week or two when i go into my local health food store, but i'd like to be able to keep track myself at home too. i've never really cared about the numbers when it comes to weight, but it will be good to see any progress i may make in a way i can more easily visualize.

the challenge continues..

well 2o13 is about over, and perhaps from the outside, not much appears to have changed. i'm more or less the same weight, slightly less actually.. and i still have health challenges to overcome. the biggest difference has come within. a  change that is necessary to alter one's habits and lifestyle and overall health. it started with my state of mind.

before i started this blog i had it lodged in my brain that i am unhealthy, i have always been unhealthy and chances are pretty good that i always will be. at the beginning of the year i decided that that was the first thing that needed to change; my attitude about my own health. i tried a bunch of different things to improve my level of fitness like running and lifting, and made a few changes to my diet. ultimately, i still felt discouraged. i've had issues with my weight since i was diagnosed with hashimoto's when i was ten years old. it didn't matter that i lived a relatively active lifestyle.. the amount of effort that it would take to lose even two or three pounds would bring me to tears. nothing was helping.. i had to find out why.

this year along with the subtle changes in my routine, i have done a lot of research. it's hard to fix a problem when you have no idea why it exists. so where to start? with the dis-ease. why do i have such a problem? where did it come from? how do i fix it? i remember asking these questions to my doctor and the only answer i would get is because of my genes. my mother had thyroid disease, and so did her mother. really? that's all i get? so why did they have thyroid disease? what is the problem...

well, i'd be willing to take a shot in the dark to guess that our lifestyle along with the food we intake and the stresses we put ourselves under had a lot to do with it. yea so i'm genetically predisposed to having a wonky thyroid, so what do i do about it? how do i strengthen my immune system so that it can do what it needs to do to protect me? how do i get my body to heal itself like i know it can naturally? the answer i found no matter where i read or who i talked to came back to this one seemingly simple answer: eat whole foods.

damn. that is a simple answer isn't it. or is it?

i think the biggest problem isn't that we don't know what to do to be healthy, i think it's that we just don't do it. our culture, the economy that we live in and the governing system that we are a part of have a lot to do with that. here in north america, it's 'normal' to go shopping for food and pick up things that come in boxes, cartons, cans and bottles. we overlook foods that come in no other packaging but it's own skin, or they make up a small percentage [less than half] of what we buy to eat. i prefer to grow my own when i can, but not everyone has the opportunity to do so, and if so it's usually seasonal.

so the challenge continues. now that i know what's up [as if i didn't know before] i can make better decisions on what i put in my body. i may have known that nutrition is important, but now i'm further educated on what types of foods i need and what kinds of things to avoid.

wheat flour is a big one. and it's probably one of the worst foods to try and avoid, especially if you really love a warm, fresh slice of bread with real butter on top. omnom. but that blasted wheat... it feels like a wrecking ball slamming in to my guts all night after. why? well, that it could be that stuff we use to make just about everything 'foodlike' stick together, delicious, horrible, gluten. i don't remember where i read it but i remember someone saying that the wheat we eat today isn't the same as it was centuries ago when people didn't seem to be allergic. but like everything else it's been bred out and genetically tinkered with to be more resilient, and easier to process. this tinkering has also made it impossible for our bodies to properly digest, and therefore it is no longer food. i also read in various different articles that hashimoto's is a common symptom of gluten sensitivity. go figure, the disease itself is a symptom.

anyhoo.. i could ramble on for hours about all of the things that we [or i specifically] shouldn't eat, but the list of what i should eat would likely be much shorter. anything without a list of ingredients seems to be a good start.

eating a truly healthy diet is probably the biggest challenge i have ever set for myself. i've beaten addiction to drugs, i got myself off the streets, and recently i even quit smoking [finally!]. if i can do all that, then i must have the strength and willpower it will take to perform an all out lifestyle transformation [again!]. but its hard for one to change their whole lives at once and expect to succeed, which is why i started with baby steps, building one healthy habit at a time as i go along.

i started with the most important meal of the day; breakfast. and sadly enough, it's usually the meal that people substitute with nothing but a coffee, or sugary highly processed breakfast cereal, or some other concoction that actually isn't food. i was guilty of this.. i'd opt for a large tea with sugar, and something along the line of waffles or a muffin. sugar, caffeine, gluten. oh ya. i have for the most part switched out my horrible breakfast choices with things like fruit smoothies with chia, or homemade oat-only pancakes topped with berries [no syrup].

now i'm working on lunch. instead of grabbing something from the cafeteria [a horrible habit i picked up working in retail] i do my best to make sure i pack leftovers from the dinner before. which means that i must make enough dinner to save leftovers, and encourages me to make a more healthy meal choice. i also eat light at dinner time, which means i have more for earlier in the next day. i have managed to almost completely eliminate pasta. if i feel the need for a noodle of sorts i'll try pasta made from other grains, but mostly i've come to enjoy a variety of different kinds of rice. also an easy way to cram a bunch of vegetables into a delicious meal is to make homemade soup from fresh ingredients. i hadn't been doing this as often as i would have liked, so this is something i am trying to make a routine out of; preparing lots of fresh healthy food ahead of time so i don't opt for fast snacks.

something else that i find helps to keep me satisfied through the day is fresh juice from the juicer. juicing is a lot of work but with proper preparations [and making large batches] juicing can be made into a much simpler task. i make sure i set myself up first, cutting everything i need and lining the juicer collection bin with a plastic bag so it's easier to clean. i run everything through, have empty mason jars ready, and portion a few days worth to be stored in the fridge. i clean each piece of the juicer as i take it apart, and store it so that it's easy to access for next time. preparing a few days worth at once helps save time and keeps me motivated to maintain the flow of goodness into my digestive system.

so far, so good. though i hadn't lost much weight through the year i am just starting to see it now. it took me this long to build up some good habits, and change my attitude to care more about my body, and now i can really apply all that i've learned. a lot of things like the gluten sensitivity i found through trial and error, elimination diets and such. there isn't one particular health regime that works for every person because of course we're all unique, so it has really taken some deep self-observation to find out what was really bothering me both physically and psychologically. stress and negative thoughts had just as much of a hold on me as any other addiction and it's taken a lot of effort to turn these things around. my guts feel better, my joints don't hurt as much, and i'm getting my energy back. thyroid issues tend to rob you of all energy and leave your mind and body sluggish. i'll continue to do all that i can to support my body so that it can heal itself.

i think i'm about done rambling for today, i'm not sure how many people actually read this thing, but it's more for me anyway. maybe someday my journey will help motivate someone else to find their healthy self within.