Sunday, May 12, 2013

losing weight... not just the fat kind.

it's been an interesting year so far for me. the journey to better health has been a struggle, but i refuse to give up. getting healthy, to me, is about more than just losing fat, it's about doing many things that make you feel better and generally improve the quality of life.

i decided that it's about time in my life where i should get rid of anything extra that i have been holding on to, not just the weight.. things i have been carrying around with me for far too long for fear of letting go. i think that subconscious fear of letting go had spread it's way from my environment into my mind and has made it difficult to let go of the stresses and the weight that comes with it.

having just moved, i had the opportunity to go through everything that i own and discard things that i no longer needed. even things that i had packed and moved a million times before... i finally found the strength to just let go of the past. i was at work the day after moving, and i realized there was one more thing that needed to be let go.. my dreadlocks.

i had been contemplating cutting off my dreads since sometime last year, but i just didn't have the nerve to do the deed. earlier this spring i did some thinning, i took out the locks that were looking weak and cut myself some bangs. this time it got serious. i went and bought some organic coconut shampoo and conditioner, some anti-frizz serum, hair cutting scissors and a nice brush, and went to town. i had finally made up my mind that i was finished carrying them around, and making the cut was one of the most liberating feelings i have felt in my life. almost makes me wonder why i kept myself locked up for so long...

ahhhh so free! fastest five pounds i ever lost.. and i have no regrets. i have been hesitant to cut them for so long.. for almost a decade straight dreadlocks have been, as i see it, a major part of my identity. they are/were a slowly evolving piece of my personal history, the part that held on to so many moments in the past, good or bad. i feel like my thoughts were locked up with them, and the time was well overdue to do something about it. i'm proud that i rocked them for ever so long, and i'm even more proud that i found the strength to let go of them, and not look back with regret.

i think the most interesting thing i have noticed in the past week since i cut them is how people notice me. in the past i would have complete strangers come up to me and tell me they loved my hair, ask me questions about how i did the dreadlocks and how to take care of them and whatnot... i was noticed for my dreads. now that they're gone, it's only the people who know me [or remember me] that complement  and comment on my hair. i went to Toronto yesterday to rally up with some people i have been friends with for a long time, but only see a couple times a year. it was funny watching people walk right past me not noticing i was there until i took off my shades, and they realized it was me.. and then watching them almost die of shock that i lost my locks! too funny.

anyways, i had almost forgotten how wonderful it feels to run a brush over my scalp. and y'know, wash my hair without carrying around water half the day, lay down without laying on my hair, get dressed without a mass of locks getting in the way... all that good stuff. i feel like a new person, and hopefully this mind state helps me with my journey.

forever forward...

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