it's been a while since i've mentioned it, and now that it's come to mind i believe it deserves it's very own post. about a year ago, i had pledged as my 'MSP' that i'd quit smoking cigarettes. i'm not gonna lie, it was tough.. but more than worth it.
last year was a crazy one with lots of travel and sudden unexpected stresses, but despite everything i made my best effort to quit. the fact that it's 'so much more' than simply inhaling burning tobacco kept me coming back.. an excuse to go out for break, to get away from whatever is happening in the moment and snuff it out with a drag and a puff. stepping out to the smoke hole is a social event in itself.
i had quit about this time last year, and i was doing so well.... until i had to get on an airplane. i had pretty much sworn off any sort of traveling that involved leaving the ground, and an opportunity of a lifetime had come about and i simply couldn't say no. i also couldn't keep my nerves in order waiting to board that first flight without half a pack of cigarettes blasting through my lungs to calm me.
i spent most of the rest of the year not smoking, until the next big journey, and the next... and finally in october after my last plane ride, i had decided i was done with it. i was kind of disappointed in myself for not having reached my goals by my goal date [lose weight/gain health/quit smoking by october/dominican trip] that i felt i had to do something right away. i had realized that there was little point in trying to improve my overall health if i'd refused to quit poisoning myself on a daily basis. i had to stop. suddenly, cigarettes were no longer as appealing. the long, horribly cold winter helped.
that being said, it's been five months since i've smoked a cigarette, and a year since i 'quit' [as in no longer bought cigarettes, but gladly accepted when someone said 'you look like you could use a smoke']. i don't need a smoke anymore, don't want one either. in fact, i'd tried at some point and it made me feel sick, i had to put it down. i'm finally done with it. after all i've been reading and learning about nutrition and what goes on inside these crazy bodies of ours, i couldn't stomach the idea of doing that much damage to myself. i wish with all my heart i could make others feel the same way.
smoking is a choice. for a long time i knew that, yet i chose to smoke. sure i felt 'addicted', they're addictive. but i also knew that it was my choice. if at any time i could decide that i didn't want to do it anymore, i'd find the will and the strength to stop. it's very true for me at least... in order for change to happen, you have to actually want it. i want to find my health, and i'm willing to do whatever it takes. one step at a time of course, and for me this was a critical one.
that's it for now, breathe easy!